Hating Politics for Fun and Liberty

Bless those who don’t give a rat’s ass about politics.  Sadly, politics cares very much about us.  That’s why we have to lure it into the basement where it can be properly chained so grownups can live peacefully.  Duct-tape a mattress to the door if you can’t afford soundproofing.

There’s no more human desire than to want to conduct lives free of stupidity. The best way is to tell the government to sod off, as that gets rid of about 80 percent of the problem.  Avoid sitcoms to cut what’s left in half.  A few people face suffering to help others.  We don’t need medals, although it’d be nice. Some of us follow the soul-sapping procedure only to reduce its role.  It’s the same reason I learned the names of the New Kids on the Block.

Organic conservatives do not resemble the hippie junk vegetables that cause you to eat bugs and sadness along with your salad.  It’s just natural for people to desire autonomy.  Many Americans are living the principles of P.J. O’Rourke without realizing it, even with a bit less casual drug use.  Maximizing liberty is a normal instinct even if those participating mix up a Calvin Coolidge portrait with Harry Houdini.

Honest gun owners just want to shoot bad guys who threaten them first. People recognize the need to defend themselves as a condition of continuing to exist.  Anyone treated like a criminal while trying to obtain a firearm to defend against them wonders if circling criminals bothered to go through with background checks.  They endure the humiliating procedure as opposed to robbing banks, not that those interested in the latter would be announcing it during the process.

Those out to earn honestly often must deal with onerous licensing.  I can’t recall how many times I’ve read that story about the woman who had to pay a fortune to be licensed to braid hair.  But it’s a conservative site favorite for a reason.  Needing a slip of paper from the state to announce you’re good at something is unnecessary validation even if legally binding.

But how would we ever know if a seller offered a good product?  We could never try something like asking neighbors or trying it once.  Life should be without interaction or risk.  And modern cyber-men can’t check Yelp for reviews and sort the helpful ones from the delusional crackpots who think they’re going to launch critic careers with devastating takedowns of Olive Garden breadsticks.  Nope: we simply must let the government determine who’s qualified to provide for oneself. Treat any violators as criminals if you really want to make them love Big Brother.

Trying to get insurance is much tougher since we must do so.  It’s uncanny how premiums skyrocket like deductibles when sellers know you’re forced to buy.  Coverage plummets in one of those cruel ironies that costs lives.  That’s a steep price to pay for being able to claim everyone’s covered, but at least smugness is healthy.

Sure, responsible adults don’t need to be forced in the first place to do something that protects themselves or their kids.  But a little mandatory encouragement can’t hurt, except for that whole market distortion.

Most people see themselves as functional despite Washington’s efforts to classify the bulk as inadequate.  Wanting to live on their terms is a simple yet profound goal.  That basic tenet becomes challenging when politicians keep tossing anchors it claims are life preservers.  You can distinguish between the two by comparable weight, although federal guidelines claim they’re identical.

It takes the smallest amount of pride to not want items bought by others.  Nothing’s patronizing like being told one both needs and wants complimentary goods.  Forget that potential employers are being bilked to fund the most inefficient take on compassion possible: Americans are renowned for refusing what’s only complimentary with a giant asterisk.  Some things are better deals than free.

Removing competition doesn’t work in business or fighting poverty.  The demeaning presumption that government’s role is to steer their destiny results in hitting the ground.  The uselessness paired with unsustainable debt isn’t quite as helpful as you’d think.  The worst example possible of sufficiency comes from those whose orders come at gunpoint.

Always seek out people who are naturally averse to politics.  They’re our favorite sort, as this process sucks.  Anyone only interested in policy for the purpose of reducing its role is on its side.  Don’t feel disheartened if you don’t often hear from such individuals, as they’re often busy being productive.  How did they know to do so without a mandate?

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Short-Term Memory… Something

Is it the case that nobody else’s brains shut off, either? I hope? I forgot the previous sentences.  Going back to read them is pointless, as I’m too consumed with what’s being tweeted this second.  That placeholder news from 12 seconds ago is just taking up space.  Has anyone been nuked recently?  The radiation lasts much longer than our memories.

The problem with a lost attention span is not remembering to search for it.  And don’t try to pretend it’s nice to switch thoughts like a remote that accesses digital cable.  Nine hundred options are tricky to manage.

I spend most of the day trying to pretend a mind trained to close tabs rapidly means less trauma.  But it turns out not thinking about pain fails to cure it.  I’m vainly trying to focus on positives, even though I lost the train of thought in a way that’d make Amtrak proud.

The brain doctor says forgetting doesn’t make rough notions vanish, and qualifications make it easier to know who has a clue.  Modern techno-humans never deal with the horrible things inflicted on us by life.  I hope that doesn’t mean failing to grow, although it would explain the communal dwarfness.

Facing things down is the only way to become strong enough to kick future crises in the junk.  Rushing on to the next story is a very mature way to get through life.  We have the attention span of a Tinder user swipe.  This is a daunting way to find true love.

Stories that used to stick with us for decades are forgotten by the next update. Try to watch two shows at once if you’d like to watch zero.  The good news is that we get information instantaneously.  That’s also the bad news.  Having to discover why Bud Light sucks every time one tastes it is brutal on our poor tongues.

Sometimes, you just have to grab a single fish instead of the whole school.  A bear who thinks he’ll eat them all is going to be hungrier than his friends.  Sure, we would’ve never heard of many events back when we we only got the news at 6:30 p.m.  The devices that enable us to get around media guardians allow us to see stories Dan Rather didn’t decide were newsworthy enough. Anything that ticks off a network is cool with me.  But there are so many stories that it’s tough to pay attention to one at a time.  We know via ceaseless experience.

Perhaps it’s for the best we occasionally forget our addresses and phone numbers.  Pretending to frame our goldfish-style memories as a positive is one way of coping.  We’re not being dragged down by baggage.  But we also don’t have a change of clothes.  Spending three seconds contemplating may help us learn from events.  It’s tricky to stay calm when every click means a new screen of updates.

Humans are in for an even deeper cratering if they neglect to recall that suffering is the point.  At least I think it is; that’s why there’s so much of it, right?  There’s a vague sense of unease as we rush past tales of gruesomeness and corruption.  Rubbernecking at life’s collisions is a shallow way of looking.  Our brains switch topics like a television in a multimedia art exhibit from 1992, and I prefer paint applied with skill.

The details must be unimportant if we never bothered to learn them.  At least, I hope that’s so, as society is otherwise neglecting to collect a frightening percentage of necessary information.  For one, there was the Las Vegas mass murder where we still don’t know the motive.  I guess there aren’t any surveillance videos in that city.  Nobody remembers how many cops were murdered in Dallas, although bringing to mind that a bad thing happened is something.  And I think some Hollywood producer made the tritest story possible about his personal life, but I’m sure ladies are safe now.

Despite human experience being a bit more negative than we’d hope, it’s good to recall some things.  Your spouse will probably appreciate you knowing the given name.  And treasuring events after they happen could be pleasant, especially during ample dark times when we need evidence there will at least be a break.  Bring to mind rottenness with the knowledge that life’s not always cheery.  It’s also good to identify details, even if only names of perpetrators.

What’s the point of today if we don’t remember it tomorrow?  The next day better be awesome.  Still, we can only enjoy the moment so much. Looking forward to what’s next is the key to that hopeful feeling I hear is nice.  We better be ready, as there are going to be arduous moments on account of how this universe’s purpose is to irritate us. A little bit of focus helps a lot with preparation.  Hey: check out that pigeon!

Nothing for Free

Free is the best.  Why pay for things?  That’s expensive.  Running out on a bar tab after giving Eric Trump’s name doesn’t really qualify.  But don’t tell that to voters out to stick purchases on anyone else. Billing others is the American way.

Yet a handful of citizens notice that taking a wallet is still thievery even if you don’t know the owner.  They have some gall tracking the payment.  Persistent conservatives must be true Velcro-using dolts to not realize they can get everything they want just by panhandling in voting booths.

What is it with all the liberty?  This is the United States.  Aberrant monsters prefer making their own purchases even though the government will pay.  So, who funds the government?  They own the plate printers, so it all must start at the Treasury.

Still, I feel there must be a way taxpayers are ultimately charged. Claiming Republicans are voting against their own interests presumes they want to mooch.  Not demanding others fund lifestyles means they’re being crimped, presuming you have a self-righteous high schooler’s view of what freedom is.  Stay out of my desk drawer, Mom.

The stubborn willingness to buy our own things makes it really hard to turn us into Europe.  Those snotty layabouts seem to really value life, and it’s about time to copy.  Private Americans are reluctant to take the Pixy Stix shoved in their hands even before seeing the decay caused by force-feeding sugar.  The best thing about receiving items from your kind government is that there are no possible future consequences involving soul possession.  Ask Satan for confirmation.

The cost isn’t worth free.  Getting items delivered without involving your own currency sounds like a dream come true.  Drink beer that burns calories to celebrate.  To hear our Democratic friends explain how sharing works, you’d think the biggest earners were volunteering to have their plasma removed.  I wonder if it would be possible for us to get that ruddy color back if our Dracula government didn’t bleed us just enough.  Bureaucrats always miscalculate how much blood they can take.

We could actually lower prices through a system I like to call the free market.  Hear me out: fellow citizens out for your business try to impress you enough to make purchases.  Force companies to battle Thunderdome-style for your amusement and wallet’s health.  Two enter and one leaves with a customer’s debit card swipe.

Don’t you want insurance?  Glue your pocket closed.  There’s no reason to buy your own with anything as valuable as money.  Yet consumers know the cost of complimentary is the unhealthiest part.  There may be a way to get health care other than Medicaid.  It’s true!  Coping with crummy coverage if you can find a doctor isn’t as compassionate as it appears.  And a half-decent plan is hard to buy precisely because of how meddlesome your benevolent leaders are.  But learning the disease’s cause defeats the purpose of coverage.  You don’t have to worry about why: you have a plan, dude.

You wouldn’t turn down a free sample, you snob.  Principles aren’t applicable when someone’s handing you a product.  That’s what Washington’s for.  Proud people accept entitlements being thrown into the air like an NFL player with currency in an exotic dancing establishment.  It’s tough to decline whether it happens reluctantly or without contemplating why there’s no price tag.  Everything’s paid for by someone, but we’re discouraged to trace lineage.

Vox is as bad at demotivating as it is explaining.  We remain the sort of people who don’t want to be handed things.  Liberals loathe the Koch brothers more than the Devil they don’t believe in.  The opposition to subsidies that would prop up their profits is against their motivation, yet they dare believe in a level playing field.  Freedom enthusiasts loathed because they set such a bad example in the mooching era.

Keep the big dream alive of being able to acquire things by choice.  Maybe an employer would pay enough if they weren’t taxed into the Stone Age for the crime of profiting.  Extremely productive political science majors presume the common man will never advance in the totally not condescending manner of those who think compassion means ceaseless welfare.

You’ve got some nerve not voting for others to subsidize what you want.  But contrarians note the very act of transferring wealth makes it harder to get.  That’s unless our efficient government doesn’t harm the economy and your motivation by taking what it pleases.  They’re out to help, which justifies anything you’d like.

We have so much nerve seeking dignity.  Independence holds value to Americans and humans despite the hive’s pleas.  Government is inspirationally seen as a way to get more currency than put it.  I am in favor of a magic ATM that prints money. There’s no way inflating quantity will decrease values.  Democrats who think voters are screwing themselves want to suck out the atmosphere to enable breathing.  Handouts are not real wealth any more than it’s sustainable.  But it’s fun to pretend, and politics is the art of dreaming.

Slanted Ranting

Bias is fine if you’re right about everything.  Sure, some unpleasant contrarians might contend it’s possible that thinking the president is wrong doesn’t make one right.  But your fancy logic talk doesn’t change the feeling.  The truly sensitive are cool with subjectivity because their side is the only decent one.  The rhetorical swindle isn’t the only crummy deal around these days, but it does embody the others.

There’s no reason to hear out stupid evil rotten dissenters anymore.  Anyone who voted for Hillary because they actually like her is certain they could never make an error.  After all, they’re against Donald Trump. That means they must battle for the side of truth.  The enemy of evil must be virtuous, claim those who don’t know what the Battle of Stalingrad entailed.

The instinct to mock what the incumbent does is as natural as his urge to paste “loser” in any tweet about someone who doubted him.  It’s never not copied.  I understand the hobby. Watching the party that used to offer the least worst option be led by the last man who deserves to brag has made depression the default setting. But the key to stopping someone working off his basest emotions is to calmly explain why he’s a blowhard, not to try to smirk more than him.

It’s hard to do good journalism while frothing.  It’s even harder when coming off eight years of fawning. Ironically, a levelheaded approach would ruin this presidency.  Mere stenography would foil Trump’s dreams.  But reporters can’t resist telling you why what they think is correct.  That’s just in case you needed more proof that people who never thought to major in engineering are morons.  Alleged professionals who don’t believe in absolute truth are suddenly explaining why they’re doing the Lord’s work in defiance of the orange devil.

At least read it first.  Too many permanent critics have decided that anything the White House says has been stamped by Satan.  It’s the only bout with religion that the president’s antagonists enjoy.  They share that love of faith with the president yet never seek common ground.  No religion can explain why anyone thinks a lying administration is such a novelty.  Freaking out because a press secretary is full of it almost as original as a liberal journalist.

Trump’s whole appeal is that he’s unique.  As a reminder, uniqueness is not necessarily a positive.  The guy who uproariously announced “I alone can fix it” despite his inability to put on his own loafers can be knocked down a peg easily.  The president’s um, unconventional approach to politics means there’s no need for slanted reporting to foil him.  So why keep doing it?  Nobody said a communications degree makes you smart.

The guy who claims he’s a business juggernaut despite what he did to the USFL and Atlantic City deserves suspicion for everything.  But that doesn’t mean he’s always wrong even if his average tilts close to that.  Trump deserves raised eyebrows even if making something up isn’t technically factually incorrect.  Yet presuming he’s full of it every time he speaks is why the audience suspects the media would lie about saving you the last beer.

Anger makes you stupid.  I’m sorry to provoke even more rage.  But emotions are no substitute for thinking, as half a century of mushily attempting to bribe poverty away with money drained from the economy have demonstrated.  Stammering liberals are so righteous in their cause that they never bother to check results.  I’d let them know they’re disappointing, but adherents are too busy telling me how I have compassion because I think Medicaid is mean to poor people.

It should be easy to lay out the case against our ape-in-chief. Just look at him.  If Trump’s demeanor seems honest, I have a Ford Tempo to sell you. Bless those ingenuous dupes who look into those soulless, beady eyes and see a brave truth-teller.  They join a bunch of seduced ladies you may remember from the New York Post.  But the claptrap in response lessens the critic.  Wholly calm Democrats claim a serial adulterer is going to flush their birth control.  They must be right in opposition.

Avoid talking to anyone who dares claim we’re not currently tweeting from prison camps.  If you spot one who still judges the president by the issue, point like you’re a pod person who’s identified the last human. It’s almost clever to disarm critics by conceding there’s no need to attempt balance when your side holds the only correct takes.  A fact check is a waste of precious resources.

Not Thinking Ahead or Behind

Simpleminded solutions are neither simple nor minded.  Naturally, they’re very popular.  Getting to watch humanity revert into prehistoric caricatures at least makes sociology interesting. People don’t have money, so have we tried giving them some?  Even cavemen would know that’s dumb.

Saying so might not make it happen, which is devastating to those who believe in the power of words.  But at least the folly of thinking a Vox-crafted plan will function in reality proves hate speech isn’t a real issue.

Ending crime is as easy as tool restrictions.  A maniac who decides to hurt others has to remember to behave first so he can pass a background check.  Gun control presumes evil is contained by a shopping hassle. Just make it illegal, as that stops lawbreakers.  That’s by definition.

Crabby critics note that a random criminal may not be bothered by a barrier that only makes it hard for the virtuous to pack heat.  Good luck stopping human atrocity with a magazine restriction.  It is what the regulation claims.

Insurance for all sounds great.  I know a few of those people, and some of them are okay.  But the hardest way to provide it is by demanding companies sell it.  Those who notice a guarantee by diktat actually makes coverage shoddy are calmly and rationally deemed heartless.

We can’t dare meddle with an imperious restriction on freedom and currency.  A rule from 2010 that’s done to universal coverage what Young Sheldon has to comedy must stay, but only if we want to pretend we care.

Why do you want to take affordable sweet coverage away from orphaned widows?  Sure, I wouldn’t associate efficiency with our dumb government any more than I would compassion.  But giving everyone things seems nice.  Nothing makes items valuable like handing them out as if they were iPhone 5s in the queue outside the Apple Store.

Explaining how reactions work leads to too much rebounding.  People could buy their own plans from competitors desperate for business.  They might use money that shows up in workers’ pockets once Washington stops bleeding them in that vampiric style which doesn’t seem to be improving our color.  But it’s kinder to take away much and give a little back in return.

Why can’t the government buy our things?  Also, you can drive to places faster if you don’t stop for gas.  Spreading money all around is one way to make it less valuable.  Sure, something seems fishy about handing out cash like scripts in Harvey Weinstein’s hotel room. Still, how can the paper we use to buy things change in value itself? Now that’s voodoo economics.

Forget trying to note that free markets are negotiations where each side watches its own interests.  Distortion is the primary method for Washington giving us things.  The purported deals are as bad as the misperception.

You figured workers could have their best shot at self-sufficiency if they were allowed to make anything they could from bosses desperate for good help.  You did so because you somehow profit off starved corpses.  Do you get a sawbuck for every one you throw in Dick Cheney’s furnace?

Economics is the study of giving everyone money.  How else would we get rich? Prosperity is simply a matter of bribing people to not be poor.  At least, it better be, as it’s been a bipartisan strategy for decades. The fact it’s taking this long may not be an encouraging sign.

Everyone wants human progress and dignity. Of course, that excludes bloodthirsty Republicans who want the poor to suffer out of contemptuous sadism. The presumption that political foes are pro-sadness has increased the cheeriness quotient in an era that was already known for amicableness.  I’m totally enjoying finger-wagging from the same people whose policies cause the trauma they claim to oppose.  The hypocrisy is a nice distraction.

Everything works out but the results.  Zero-sum beliefs never account for human behavior, which is like Abe Lincoln’s security guard checking everything except lunatic Southern actors.  Childish math kills motivation.  If one person has eight dollars while another has two, taking and giving until both have five bucks may not create the desired placidity.  What we need is a government brave enough to give them each 10.  Nobody thought of anything so wise before because it’s too obvious.

Debate Restated

You can’t argue with people saving the world.  Are you hoping the planet croaks?  I mean, I do.  But I’m a professional misanthrope who cheers for death comets.  Regardless, those who have been told they’re against decency and our planet’s survival protest despite being warned beforehand their objections are unacceptable.  The ensuing screaming exchange of ideas is even more pointless than usual debates, which is an extraordinary feat in its way.0

Rather frenzied political observes phrase positions in such a way that disagreers are cast among orphan-chaining Adolfs.  Why presume reasonable folks can hold a range of opinions?  Such dangerous permissiveness presumes independence is permitted, and that’s no way to progress.  You can make enemies slink away in shame if you can convince others their beliefs are toxic.  I wish the results were as clever as the rhetoric.

Purportedly noble people who think they fight inequality aren’t about to listen to counterarguments.  How could you be for such a thing?  American colleges are stuffed with bright undergrads making precisely this demented case, usually by screaming while Ben Shapiro tries to speak before they soothe rage by smashing a Starbucks.  Nobody’s more reasonable than someone who’s left a trail of shards.

This is no way to bicker.  Sure, there’s an argument to make.  But you’ll be banished to Siberia for suggesting conventional conservative notions would help.  Vitriol is an inadequate word to use when classifying those monsters who feel charities could help those in need.

And we haven’t even gotten to outcomes we should all like.  Everyone wants to end poverty, and that includes Mike Pence.  Not-very-liberal liberals are unable to imagine someone could agree with the goal yet pursue it differently.  And that’s the story of how ending lousy mandatory insurance means exposing poors to smallpox.

Resistant ideas are ruining the group.  While it’s nice to find people who agree with you, some take it too far.  The ideological circle jerk could use more diversity.  The most ardent social media justice warriors never encounter a person who thinks, say, people can buy their own things at better prices if the government doesn’t try it first. But crabby dissenters claim there’s another way.  In fact, it may even produce cleaner air instead of coping the tire fire we’ve napalmed for so long.

Ancient intolerant man was foolish enough to think everyone with different takes is misguided.  We were supposed to tweet the addresses of insolent conservatives and condemn their kids.  Framing issues in a way where anyone not agreeing is monstrous indicates tremendous intellectual security.  That’s a synonym for sanctimony, I’m sure. You’re not against fairness, are you?  Of course you are, Trump hat. Take your hate speech and go somewhere soundproof.

The purportedly open-minded will tolerate everything but disagreement. It’s easy to think of oneself as liberal if no other options are within normal grounds.  To justify the rather ironic cognitive dissonance, they call everyone who notices their beliefs do to America what Roger Goodell has to football a monstrous bigot.  People simply can’t have different ideas about the same problems.

The only thing worse than demonizing opposition is when said castaways notice how much everything sucks.  Condemn the most perceptive among us for making morale sink even lower.  The only terms our ever-vigilant media approves lead to semipermanent stagnation if you wonder why political discourse is so rosy.

Life’s easier when there’s only one choice.  Your soylent ration is filling despite what your stomach claims.  Big-government policies with huge consequences are presumed to be something we must endure.  What else could we try: competition?  That means trusting people to run their own lives, and a trip to White Castle casts doubts about our entire species.

The leftward lurch means ostracizing Town Hall readers.  Yet the lack of objection hasn’t pleased those who ramble about the complexion of Hollywood casts without interruption.  It’s as if they are unhappy humans.  We’ve tried every social justice-themed policy and coped with every lousy result.  The utter lack of fulfillment should be a sign.  It’s too bad we don’t heed those anymore.

If we’re going to take away debate, it should be for better results than this.  Calling, say, a man who thinks he’s a woman confused will get you on a couple dozen lists of uncooperative miscreants.  Bringing up science is pointless once you’re in the stockade.  That’s what you get for being a witch who thinks abortion doesn’t constitute women’s health.

The existence of objections shows how there’s a better way than the present course.  Obviously, we have to squelch it.  The contrast makes present times even more horrid by comparison.  We’ll get along better once we share sole opinions.