A lack of hope is the key to contentment. One must admit life is insufferable to feel at peace. Take how electing a Republican makes it that much harder to elect a conservative. That would’ve made me crack my own head with a drained whiskey bottle two years ago. But the actual experience is deflating enough that I’m blearily coping with the bleakness. Sure, we’re doomed. But booze is still legal.
Still, we’re not about to elect someone who thinks cutting our unfathomable debt in half would be a good start. Where would you find one? There are certainly not an abundance of hopefuls who think you’re worth leaving alone in one of the two major parties. Other options are minor for a reason. The boiling doesn’t hurt as much as you’d think once you’re in the pan. But I’d still prefer never growing accustomed.
The public is associating everything Donald Trump does with conservatism even though he has to be reminded every morning he’s supposed to be one. The wholly tenuous link is now as normal as freaking out to his tweets. Sure, he often pimps liberal initiatives and hasn’t removed remnants that the last charismatic cipher left as land mines. But we got someone wearing the jersey we like, and isn’t it okay to win with a free agent?
Despite assurances from liberals that we’re living in an America-sized Galt’s Gulch, there’s no initiative passed this year that would make Bill Buckley smirk with delight. Take how that whole buying-something-crummy-for-existing initiative is still being inflicted. Republicans in multiple branches have decided to retain all the crummy parts of mandatory insurance while stapling streamers to the bill. Make sure it’s festive enough to distract from how the tax code’s purpose is still to punish success.
Nothing’s going to save you when every order is pitched as a lifesaver. The presumption that another law giving elected mongoloids more authority will fix it haunts both parties. Limp authoritarians are like NFL coaches who’ve decided the stakes are too high to do something like let players make decisions. Can we at least have fun taking risks if we’re going to lose?
A monolithic conglomerate with no competition nor incentive to help isn’t about to help. Those with rosy takes presume government is an Uber ride that will carry them to safety while drunk downtown. But it’s actually a local taxi. You’re getting there slowly in a creepy Town Car that charges you 47 dollars for NPR and a lack of air conditioning while being driven by a felon.
Convince voters there’s a gulf between two identically oafish parties who assure us the government helps. The notion that Washington helps is even more absurd considering those who hold it constantly interact with the horrid entity. Sure, you can pay a certain percentage of people to think the economy’s swell. But that may not spur productivity. Notice the money’s source. Kids who’ve been bribed with ice cream are convinced whichever lax parent did it is the coolest. It sounds great until you have to cope with a ballooning sour stomach.
The argument gets louder the smaller the stakes. It’s not that the issues are unimportant: it’s that the solution’s already been decided. You may be unsurprised to know it involves taking more from you. We really could use one party who holds government in contempt. We’re presently just one short. I’ll count it as good news in the spirit of optimism that spurs this cheery term.
For now, play acting will have to suffice. Republicans are going to forget to pretend one of these days, and we can only hope outright Obamacare praise is at least refreshing. It will be nice to have bipartisanship. Sure, those dealing will share philosophical contempt for the Constitution that’s only matched by their regrettable policy outcomes. But arguing for actual things is so contentious.
The show is all this audience wants. Shriek until forehead veins throb at opponents who want the same basic junk. Kayfabe means there are no actual disagreements. Archenemy wrestlers ride home together.
You get more choices everywhere but politics. There are 73,000 television channels and basically one party. Don’t let the lack of few options cause you to jump to conclusions about how crummy the government they represent is, as dissent harms unity and thus will be ruled illegal by the Supreme Court.
But at least there’s dress-up to distract you from the dreariness of your federally-issued jumpsuit. The parties maintain slightly different personalities as they tell you what to do. One pretends to inspire while the other blathers about treating you as a person before lumping you with the collective. Politics is like getting to choose between NBC and CBS. Sorry, ABC, but the third option would spoil everything.