Month: June 2024

More Than a Building Gone After Old Pink Burns in Buffalo

Posted on by Anthony Bialy

Buffalo’s soul has dived.  A city whose pastime is sitting at a long flat table on which it’s customary to rest drinks lost its favorite to flames.  The city will mourn indefinitely following the unsparing blaze which claimed the prototypical dive bar officially named the Pink Flamingo and unofficially called the Old Pink by everyone.  Regulars had nowhere to drink while coping.

The beloved living museum of filth had always been there, at least for those under 200 years old.  Buffalo’s been a city since 1832 and had the same building on Allen Street for a huge percentage of that.  A house-like structure from the mid-19th century took on a life of its own thanks to those who essentially lived in the bar.  The quantity of amendments more than doubled as it held its ground.

An icon from the Civil War era was gone before the Battle of Antietam wrapped up.  I hate to use devastation as a reminder of life’s impermanence.  But we’re presented with a deflating quantity of examples.

An empty space only starts with physical absence.  The gap nobody alive’s seen before looks like how a void feels.  Demolition crews created sense of emptiness at a vacant lot that we’ve only known to be filled with much more than wood and brick.

Even those who never indulged in the grime appreciated the value of the Old Pink’s existence.  A magically debauched gathering center benefited teetotalers, home bar aficionados, and nightlife participants who preferred places where the bathrooms got cleaned.  Decliners of the option to patronize were nonetheless lucky to reside somewhere with a public house of such limitless character.  The whole area enjoyed vibes emanating from one corner tavern.  It doesn’t have to be your church to appreciate worship.

You could have an adventure without even changing stools.  A site for unhinged revelry is a crucial part of civic life.  The chance that the evening could turn slightly menacing at the Old Pink was part of the deal.  Some thrill junkies might even find it exciting.  There was no better way to pass the time while awaiting daylight.  Congregating for merriment provided something to do while waiting to see the sunrise.

Certain addresses inspire vivaciousness.  The fun places are not assigned randomly by the cosmos, although certain mystical factors come together at locations that can’t be controlled.  Take the dearly departed underbelly epicenter, whose customers occasionally ventured outside to share stories of their excursions there so crazy that they had to be true.

This particular infamously rowdy spot hosted seemingly unreal adventures nightly.  Ask any Buffalonian for an Old Pink story, and you yourself will have one to tell based just on hearing the outrageousness.

The only thing faster than than the flames were updates about them.  A search classifies the business status as “Temporarily closed” which I crave to be true as much as I want the city’s pro teams to each win their respective postseason’s final game.

The desire to replace what’s lost is as innate as it is challenging.  Thirsty Buffalonians dream of a literal replacement while never being able to figuratively replace what’s lost.  A rebuild can’t capture personality.  It’d take dedicated work by degenerates to bring back the dank.  Accumulate band stickers just in case.  And keep Sharpies on red alert.

A fantasy about putting the band back together is the first thought following a breakup.  Things might not feel the same even if blueprints miraculously survived in the basement to allow replication.  The presently unplanned New Old Pink would rely on the same eclectically chaotic convergence that has forlornly departed.  A venue that strives to attain similar stature would come about organically  It’d be just like the original becoming legendary because awesome weirdos instinctively willed it into a destination for welcoming in outsiders.

There’s no written recipe to recreate a singular ingredient mix.  Trying to recapture the energy of what burned is not the primary concern as debris is still cooling.  But yearning for things to be like they were Sunday night is the most psychologically obvious method for coping upon experiencing sudden loss.

A place that sold Pabst without irony was not a technically family member.  But unofficial relatives chose to wade into a preferred contaminated gene pool.  Most guests would rather have had a steak sandwich on Thanksgiving there than a turkey at some regrettable aunt’s.

The Old Pink naturally oozed authenticity.  Set designers wish they could create atmosphere that slapped anyone who crossed the threshold.  Yet delightful rot was just the beginning.  A fire can’t take what humans created with their unique respective presences.  The clientele made a room with shelves and seats what it was.

Allentown’s Mos Eisley Cantina featured a cast of characters to match the impossibly dingy ambiance.  After all, they created it.  A petri dish where one must drink to immunize from omnipresent bacteria is a place that makes a city what it is and specifically this city.  The Old Pink was a place to call home while avoiding one’s residence.  The ferocity of sudden destruction can’t consume what Buffalonians created.

Retiring Tired

Posted on by Anthony Bialy

Joe Biden can’t retire in the Biden economy.  Running to keep a job until he’s more than twice as old as Teddy Roosevelt at inauguration sets an example in his way to broke Americans who have no choice but to remain employed until they’re the elder senior citizens.  Shuffling papers for yet another shift demonstrates how life’s going under his watch.  He’s not seeing much.  The president really does embody the nation.  

A wholly unremarkable human’s services aren’t needed.  But the supposed president isn’t going to vacate the office just because he’s older than duct tape.  His career path would’ve been regrettable even when he possessed his faculties, which were never worth much even subtracting Biden’s signature inflation.

Anyone could grow up to be president.  Work nonstop to train.  The only person with secure housing is the one who gets a majority of electoral votes.  Getting a roof over one’s head is the best reason to run.  For non-presidential Americans, it’s too costly to stand in the shadow of a dwelling.  The dream of renting a home with four other people who put ads on Craigslist is out of reach.

The timing connected to the way nobody could buy anything only seems uncanny.  Inventing corporate greed allowed capitalist pigs to cruelly sabotage the intended gentle reign of an selfless public executive focused on cooperation.  Sure, life became unaffordable once Biden inflicted losses by getting policy wins.  But that must be because diabolical corporate overlords fretted that geezers who ceased clocking in would spend slightly less.

The response to previous screwups is always to try them more intensely.  This is liberalism we’re discussing.  Federalized health insurance made more than the economy sick, which must mean single-payer is the cure.  Cede wholesale control so a government where Biden is head of state can be in charge of your well-being.

Government made life unaffordable, which they’ll fix by making everything free.  Results will kick in if you have enough faith to re-elect a twit born before D-Day who holds older awful notions.  The routine of pretending to work brings him comfort, if not necessarily productivity.

Elderly people keeping going is either deflating or heartening.  Today is in the midst of an era for patronizing remarks about how spry the erstwhile retiree class.  Their era featured trips to Five Guys that didn’t require seeking the approval of a loan officer.  A president who’s almost able to walk around on his lonesome may sadly inspire dolts born during his vice presidency to ruin the economy into the 22nd century.

Creating value continues for many elders who aren’t content with shuffleboard.  Fans of blues combos are grateful they can still see the Rolling Stones.  The emblematic rockers who reclaimed the good name of dinosaurs recorded their recently-released live album in 2002, which is about 65 percent into the band’s history.  Selling seats isn’t just for whippersnappers 64 and younger.  Keith Richards is younger than the president.

By contrast to the soul survivors who brought the world Beggars Banquet, Biden is not about to start creating anything meaningful.  A fossil who can’t admit he’s gone extinct was vestigial even in his alleged prime.

A bipartisan agreement to never go away shows agreement on only the wrong issues.  Donald Trump should’ve retired after all that totally legitimate real estate success building understated towers.  But the behavior that led him to fake success doesn’t disappear with age.

The uplifting inspirer loves you so much that he’s running again to save America, which can’t start until his fifth year.  A rebooted Republican is like a quarterback from the USFL days, which is why the New Jersey Generals didn’t win a championship before he wrecked the league.  Building another pyramid scheme on the ruins is totally not a scam just so the greatest phony who ever was can skim enough to cover his endless legal bills.  This is Donald Trump we’re talking about.

The problem with a representative government is how apt it is to blame those represented.  Voters could’ve chosen retirement on behalf of either nasty nominee.  But like binging The Office again, they settled for something familiar instead of taking a moment to search for an interesting novel offering.  That’s what she said.

Every condemnation of success is based in thinking everyone else rips off contributors, too.  CEOs who have enough to order guacamole must have indulged in corruption just like the grifting boss.  The equivalent of thinking a corporation is ripping you off for selling you something voluntarily is as messed up as re-electing a thorough failure.

Refusing any chance to walk away from power is Biden’s sole principle.  His entire adult life has been squandered condemning the greed of people who like him are rich and who unlike him earned it via completing tasks.  The incumbent would be able to afford Chuck E. Cheese at every meal even if he resigned this afternoon.  But there’s still more Ukrainian-bound cash that can fall off a truck.

Biden embodies the worst stereotypes of his generation.  The ostensible commander-in-chief is rather advanced in only one sense.  A self-centered superstitious buffoon believes in his own abilities despite having no marketable skills, and we could all use an inspiring example of confidence.

Biden could do nothing all day.  That’s the best hope for if he wins again.  But he sort-of chose to still do something.  At least, his minders did.  Doing something so useful that others will pay for it is as foreign a notion to him as correctly counting grandchildren.

Wage slaves can’t stop because of a anti-emancipation president who creates nothing but aggravation.  Citizens can only wish he’ll never retire because work is so fulfilling.  Empty existences and PayPal accounts enhance that eternal toiling feeling.

The Courage of Hunter Biden’s Convictions

Posted on by Anthony Bialy

The case is cracked.  Rock cocaine aficionado Hunter Biden put Delaware on the map by engaging in the family business.  The real victim is the commander-in-chief’s aggrieved child who never got his sweetheart deal because kvetchers pointed out that evading discipline resembled impropriety.  Does this mean the laptop’s real?

Democrats are thrilled they can pretend to care about law and order.  Using an the president’s shameful offspring as evidence of their unflinching willingness to prosecute wrongdoers neglects how he’s the only one.  You need three for a trend.  But that’s a start.  The sacrifice of a trial is for the party’s benefit, which the example surely appreciates.

The jury inadvertently voted to facilitate moral equivalency.  Emboldened unhinged Biden defenders can smugly gesture to their enemy after noting someone on their side has to face a judge following being found naughty.  The difference between Donald Trump and Hunter is that the latter actually committed a crime.  I’m reliably informed that his father’s foe paying off his side piece porn star from the wrong pile is the worst transgression possible.

Aside from facts, the situations are identical.  Patient observers must keep explaining the distinction to Democrats just like we must once again review that gun crimes occur uncannily frequently in places that restrict ownership of same devices.

As for a violator of the party’s preferred restrictions on shooties, Hunter’s offensive gun offense upset authorities just like how his side wants.  Ignoring the rules in order to acquire a sentient crime-causing weapon of hate stands in direct defiance of their belief that laws stop criminals, which is his real infraction.

The simultaneous condemnation of Democratic policy shows why they don’t trust anyone with firearms.  Subjecting him to his beloved party’s own stringent restrictions is only fair.  I’d love for the Second Amendment to be absolute as intended, but I respect the wishes of the Party of Biden in the name of bipartisanship.

The party of projection thinks you’re a guilty schmuck.  Democrats presume everyone else also disregards troublesome statutes like they’re basic economics.  Yet some dissidents insist upon obeying laws while creating value.  Such blatant mockery of exploiting power for personal gain is very embarrassing for the incumbent.

How was he supposed to make money: work?  Hunter sets a dangerous precedent for fellow faction members who think the only way to get rich is by grifting.  Uselessness isn’t bad enough on its own: the Bidens figure productive humans are the same, too.  Thinking anyone else doing okay must’ve exploited their way to wealth is why Democrats are singularly devoted to taxing the stuffing out of success.

The Bidens are not a typical crime family: they can’t run a company.  Every real account and fictional depiction of relatives in rackets features managerial competence.  The government faced trouble prosecuting mafia families who cannily employed thriving pizzerias as fronts.  Mafiosi should feel ashamed of embodying two stereotypes.  Irish Joe strives to break them.

Impugn genetics or upbringing.  Either way, Joe fails.  A descendant may not necessarily embody parentage.  Guardians can strive to raise children right and still see them go astray.  But nobody can see how the patriarch conducts himself on days he remembers who he is and think he taught his contemptuous adult brat the right lessons.  Go ahead and judge: the judge did.

It’s easy to spot unfortunate trends over generations.  A particularly lousy president’s scoundrel kid bypasses statues for which he doesn’t care in the same way Dad buys votes by making taxpayers fund sociology degrees.

The felon is hooked on helping.  If that’s a violation, then convict away.  The shady nefariousness that envelops the First Son certainly doesn’t conceal the family scheme, which is terrific news for those who feared all those right-wing Twitter account holders were perceptive.  They’re the same conspiracists who risibly claim the economy’s bad just because nobody can afford anything.

The Bidens embody selflessness if you count the one who got caught.  As punishment for not founding the company, Hunter acted as the front man so the chief wouldn’t have to get his hands dirty.  Like the rest of this presidency, there’s no greater priority than spreading attribution.

The verdict is satisfying even though it isn’t.  Hunter’s passionate dedication to dodging taxes is an even bigger display of liberal hypocrisy.  Prosecutors hope you’re satisfied enough about the verdict on the least appalling thing the defendant did to overlook how they thought soliciting bribes wasn’t even worse.  No one is above the law, claim liberals referring to the president’s son facing justice for the least of his misdeeds.

It’s not a crime to turn people against Ukraine by treating a war against an invading brute as an opportunity to fill a political slush fund, but it is a feat in its own appalling way.  The bagman by birth certainly wouldn’t send a vig from untoward shady global contributions to the boss who happens to share an identical last name, so escort such cynical thoughts from your mind.

Sure, the president is corrupt.  But at least everything’s awful.  It’s not like we get a scumbag scammer executive who manages to force prosperity in existence.  The trains are certainly not running on time.

This term is an Intervention episode.  The president struggles to read his letter.  It’s tough to feel compassion for a criminal crackhead who justifies his passion for consumption on wanting to have endless heedless fun while lawbreaking.  Hunter thanks those blaming his appalling disdain for the law and decency on addiction.  A true embodiment of privilege can use all the excuses enablers can muster.  You know you’ve really misbehaved if you’re prosecuted for a token sin during the Biden era. 

Congested Taxes

Posted on by Anthony Bialy

The People’s Republic of New York is not going to punish victims residing within its borders any more than it already has.  Agonies that never happen are blessings to count, so don’t forget when you’re praying while facing Albany.  Frightened subjects should relax, as they’ve been saved from one more blasted personal tariff by the benevolent deity chosen to decide how much of what you selfishly hoarded can be retained.

The looming congestion tax will idle until Democrats make sure they can get extra terms.  Kathy Hochul does the right thing when the wrong one she cherishes would cost her votes.  She’s a woman of integrity if still believing something dreadful counts.

Life is so arbitrary, particularly if you inhabit a state where governors decree which diktats will affect life today.  Hochul canceled a tax the moment before it rolled into being using the same arbitrarily autocratic power that allowed Andrew Cuomo to save us from a virus by proclaiming bars must serve food with drinks.

You can suffer more later.  Hochul proclaimed that this is not the right time for another mandated payment to the capital, what with a trip to Burger King costing as much as a housing payment in 2019.  Punishment for existing will be acceptable again once collective finances are a little rosier.

It’s so caring of the state’s queen to not punish people further at a time when they are unable to afford luxuries like eggs.  Hochul wants to alleviate further anguish, for which you must remember to offer credit.  Congregants must simultaneously disregard how they endure hard times because of her.

The hand of the almighty moves in a capricious manner which mere mortals cannot grasp.  The human mind is puzzled why inflation spiked just as soon as the party that rules New York went national.  I blame corporate greed, which was discovered in early 2021 by Koch Industries scientists.

The canceled tithe will keep the economy from getting worse, which baffles Democratic experts who presume the state is the source of well-being and decency.  Generating as much by not installing a new method for ripping off citizens is liberal mathematical magic.

I’m thrilled when a tax generates nothing.  But I’m not a grabby politician.  Letting people spend what they earn to benefit the economy is as foreign a notion in the erstwhile Empire State as punishing anyone for allegedly committing felonies but Donald Trump.  


An excise for the crime of moving is designed to reduce drivers and also not reduce them.  Supreme planners want to alleviate clogged streets with a fine but need the streets clogged so they can collect fines.  You must feel sorry for their quandary by law.  Politicians claim they don’t see themselves as deities.  Then they try to make something both happen and not happen.  Proof they’re false gods comes in losing electoral votes.

Taxing something politicians have deemed pernicious in order to keep ignorant charges from harming themselves is the tobacco quandary.  Don’t smoke because it’s bad for your lungs and other organs, but please keep buying Marlboro cartons so leaders can spend the cash better.

A fee for ground covered would keep people from heading forward more literally than usual.  Reducing movement is a symbol for New York that those pouting about the lack of new pirating.  Society’s architects never grasp consequences in their charming way.

Do as you’re taxed.  Causes of effects think a new fee will lead to the same percentage increase in revenue.  Trust the same compassion junkies who were shocked to learn crime increases without punishment for it.  

New York is helpful if you’re starting your own state and seek countless dire examples to avoid.  The presumption that awful idiots who are so inept that they had to run for office get the economy going by pilfering from the useful has reduced traffic even without a tax, although roadways to Florida are clogged. It’s too bad they can’t charge for moving out of state.

The quantity of cars on any roadway regulates itself.  Coping with other drivers in order to get somewhere worthwhile is a simple balance of costs versus benefit, which is why Democrats don’t understand.  Manhattan’s streets are busy for a reason. Pyongyang doesn’t need a toll, and not just because it’s freer than New York.

Spending less is a revolutionary notion that would cause chaos.  It never occurs to class warfare guerrillas that patterns will change any more than they think subtracting an even larger percentage from an already-depleted economy to fund useless governmental agencies brings righteous progress.  They had already spent money that wasn’t theirs.

The Metropolitan Transit Authority can’t transit people through the metropolitan area despite its authority.  I wish the inaccurate name were the worst part out of enduring an underground train ride that vainly races pedestrians at surface level.  A private subway operator who could be fired might be able to work with the present budget and maybe even find a way to buy 21st-century technology.  But the trains running on time would set a bad precedent for the Il Hoche reign.

Car-hating leftists fume about not getting to punish drivers so they stand still.  Ripping off automobile operators for daring to want to visit a city only sounds like it’s made up to mock liberals.  Those who claim eliminating competition creates efficiency never determine just why a government agency with a monopoly on underground trains loses so much while overcharging for atrocious service.

Legalized grifters’ version of revenue never involves creating their own by offering a worthwhile product or service.  Instead, demonize those who’ve managed to earn despite innumerable burdens already inflicted.  That’s way easier.  Use police power to threaten anyone loath to fork over more.

Hochul’s vote-buying tax postponement ticks off innate schemers who’re lamenting lost funds instead of asking who’d be funding.  Using another freaking levy to seize from beleaguered taxpayers would stop traffic, all right.  As for driving patterns, I’d wager the governor will take her taxing trip about four seconds after polls close.  Keep bracing for the state to go into action as it restricts just that.

Posted in Order

Posted on by Anthony Bialy

Twitter seems confused about what it is.  I can tell you it’s not X.  The worst rebranding in human history makes the Willis Tower look like an accepted name change by comparison.  Drink a New Coke and post.

Treating an app like it’s enduring a personality crisis is just one more way AI is preparing us for conquering.  Destruction will be subtle.  We braced for Terminators and instead got cyborgs who nudged us into irrelevance.

The ultimate time-squandering site reflects confusion of the humans ostensibly in charge.  Its original and prevailing purpose is not grasped by those who decide its direction, which frustrates those who want to use it properly.

Users dash to a haven for sharing the trite during breaking news or when one feels the need to explain what’s wrong with a mild annoyance.  A simple yet useful outlet functions as a virtual steam valve.  The CEO should know that.

Post what you observe.  Man, journalism is easy.  It’s similarly effortless to to call out fibbers, which is particularly satisfying when they claim to speak on truth’s behalf.  Verifying in real time is fairly easy, which is why alleged professionals despise it.

The only training needed is to avoid journalism school.  It either drains common sense or attracts attendees who never possessed any.  Flagging fibs the media used to get away with not only shows how anyone with the slightest bit of awareness and suspicion can perform the job with zero college credits in a little bit of free time but also be way better at it than those who are rather snotty about being trained.

Twitter is the primary place where fact checks check facts.  Community Notes might be the first worthwhile group effort.  Taping an asterisk on liars is the most satisfying way to strive for truth.  Readers free to check the footnotes, as well.  It’s verification all the way down.

Alerts stay red.  Constant patrolling is crucial.  Those who think government offers the last word on truth wait for a scientist they agree with to proclaim what can never be challenged.

Employees should be grateful to not have to toil much.  Twitter embodies the punk aesthetic, and not just by using its real name.  Rebel with a DIY vibe against pompous dolts in power by to mock their shameless lies.  Filling an open space is what anyone with creative urges desires.  The lack of technical proficiency may be obvious.  But the Ramones didn’t need to be virtuosos to get their point across.

Account holders just want back to pre-Elon times  That’s not not the stifled climate where anyone to Pol Pot’s right fretted every time they logged in that some woke nitwit tattled on them for an imaginary offense.  But it’d be nice to return to freewheeling ways.  Elon Musk is to big ideas what Michael Bay is to movies.

Remaining Twitter diehards miss the fun of discovery.  Coming across fascinating posts was like finding fun parody accounts on MySpace or realizing you didn’t need to know addresses once you discovered Yahoo! categories.  You could even type in a search if you were feeling freewheeling.

Quality doesn’t conflate with quantity, as seen now on Twitter.  Engagement numbers that used to look like shares show how compelling and/or hilarious content gets buried.  People with worthwhile things to say just want to be heard.  The timeline has gotten rather echoey.

I wish there were an easy way to learn what users want like reading responses.  Worthwhile responses undoubtedly got buried.  The erstwhile bird app is nothing more than a place to vent.  Participants compose a pithy reply after seeing something stupid that we used to have to fume about to eye-rolling spouses while watching the news.

Twitter doesn’t merely alleviate stress from marriages.  Bitching is cathartic.  Our stupid existence features countless indignities worthy of a quick harangue.  It’s relieving to find others who, say, think John Stewart is a sanctimonious prick.

Leave us alone.  That applies to everything, including how we organize our feeds.  Personal curation means we can see the abbreviated notions of others just like others can with ours.  The ability to set up our own feed of news and interests is the whole reason users turned to Twitter in the first place.  It should remain the primary spot ranting about everything else, including other social media sites.

Holding out is a matter of pride.  It’s amazing how many tweeters still haven’t told friends and relatives about their little corner for diatribes.  Twitter is the virtual place where users most feel like themselves.  Idealized versions on other applications don’t compare to the gritty filth of smirking honesty.

Click a different square if you’re into pretending to have a delightful family, visit exotic locales on a regular basis, or be adept at today’s dance craze.  Head to Twitter if you want to keep it real.  Tired people sometimes find the most excitement in life is commenting on it.  But at least your brain’s running.  People who have nothing to say fail to understand those who do.

Lamentably, many of the best notions get buried.  An algorithm is an advanced method of keeping users from seeing what they want.  Users chose their follows because that’s the content they want to see.  Crazy notions about personal autonomy are reflected in seeing what we’d like.  The authorities think they know better despite constant evidence to the contrary.

Overlords decide to decide for you, which you’re still free to decide is a lousy annoyance.  Twitter leans toward Biden-style life-running where pathetic humans are unaware of what they truly desire.  No app should want to imitate this White House.  Ceaseless attempts to show what micromanagers think you would like or need to view have failed to convince.

Snotty commentators often say social media is not real life.  It’s just real people discussing what’s happening, that’s all.  It’s as if humans don’t present the image they want while talking to each other.  Interacting with others while sharing personal details sounds like a nice setup.  The real question is why life isn’t more like Twitter.

As in the outside world, the tendency persists to ruin something that ran just fine without interdiction.  A timeline of your choosing is a simple request in a time when so many other decisions are confiscated.

A Conviction That Trump’s No Felon

Posted on by Anthony Bialy

A show conviction surely won’t end up helping Donald Trump in the same way printing money made everything affordable.  Democrats have a plan to cope with how they screwed up their previous ones.  Planning ahead is for suckers who don’t have power to abuse.  Look at the thoroughly Third World conditions they’ve created and tell me they’ve thought out the next step.  

Donald Trump is a victim.  That’s quite the thing to be accurate.  The patron saint of the aggrieved now has the worst thing possible, namely a case.  The lousy verdict enabled his faction of aggrieved whiners with undeserved evidence.  Trump’s greatest weapon remains his enemies.

Learn from your own scheming scumbags.  Executive humping enthusiast Bill Clinton’s poll numbers went up whenever it seemed he might be removed from power over his fibbing about a special kiss from a seduced intern.  Democrats granted Trump the same opportunity to thrive off lechery, with the difference being he didn’t break the law by trying to evade sidepiece detection.  And you claimed there was no bipartisanship.

No one is above the law, declare those below it.  The debate about a smirking jury’s decision focuses on how a mock trial will harm the candidacy of an unctuous libertine who wasn’t guilty even if he kept on his wedding ring.  This is the system at its noblest.

If a lunatic’s shrieking that the system is corrupt, it shouldn’t prove him right.  A horrible yet innocent person hasn’t been punished this infamously since Freddy Quimby.

How couldn’t they find something Trump actually did?  That’s the worst part.  The party that can’t find peace or prosperity is thorough in obliviousness.  

The system’s busted.  And its latest victim is the least qualified person to fix it.  Ranting without results defined his term like it has his spectacularly hollow career.  The only reason it’s unsurprising that Trump got something right is that he’s dealing with shameful foes who seize autonomy in order to seize more of it.  There are adorably still a few holdouts who maintain the reigning party wants to confiscate stuff and rights for everyone’s benefit.

Liberals suddenly care about crime.  They seem to be fans of it based on how their policies treat perpetrators like victims.  New York City makes Batman movies look understated.  Gotham’s countless muggers are free to continue plying their trade.  A revolving door jailhouse applies to everyone arrested except for the reality show host president who’s applying for the job again.

Felon BFF Alvin Bragg finally decides to prosecute something, and it’s this.  A district attorney so preposterous that Tom Wolfe couldn’t have invented him as a character cracked down on the crime of being someone he didn’t vote for.

Trump’s zip-it cash labeling system is the first alleged violation that’s ever bothered Bragg, so nobody’s shocked he didn’t know what qualified.  It’s uncanny that he went after someone he campaigned on confronting.  Partisan pursuits make predictions true.

The only crimes in New York City are being Donald Trump and cooking pizza with coal.  The 1970s request you stop comparing the present regrettable time to it.  We don’t even get the decadence of disco or catharsis of punk out of the present bout with enabling barbarians.  But those who would’ve approved of the ostensible Republican’s deficit spending if his name had been taken off get the tawdry thrill of gloating about sentencing someone they just know acted illicitly somehow.

Pretending to go after white-collar criminals as the subways resemble a Charles Bronson reboot means he doesn’t care about real offenses.  The ode to North Korean prosecution wasn’t getting derailed just because nobody can list the alleged countless victims.  Many who constantly bitch about the justice system’s unfairness are gloating about Trump being found guilty despite the technicality of not committing a crime.

Those cheering for the previous president to do time will flip out when a Democratic candidate is prosecuted on fantasized charges.  You anticipate they might appreciate meeting their standards.  Spot who’s full of it by how they hate living under their own rules.

Republicans will either be at a disadvantage for not being as scuzzy as their counterparts or sink to their level for a muck fight. The media will condemn the latter without noting precedent.  And they’ll never determine why a raving madman rose to prominence in the first place.

Trump’s enemies kept him competitive so they can continue to have purpose in life. Or they didn’t plot out consequences, whatever.  Not thinking out things is so unlike the sorts who proclaimed not paying back loans would lead to widespread wealth.

If the goal was to allow Trump to portray himself as aggrieved, then the mission is accomplished.  The greatest businessman ever isn’t going to make money on real estate or selling steaks on television, but he can grift off the indignant.  Now, he doesn’t even need to invent a shaky reason.

Both sides predict this year’s most notorious conviction helps.  It’s the only agreement on anything.  The mugshot used as avatars by both his own cult and its zealous foes made social media even more confusing.  Now, conservatives who loathe the Republican option for his liberal tendencies and personality may as well cherish the chance to display principles.  I cannot offer enough middle fingers to everyone gloating about a garbage conviction for making me defend Trump.

Did the scoundrel actually commit a crime?  Everyone forgot to ask.  We can’t even get nice chinos at this banana republic.  Inflation applies to charges like it does garment budgets.  Making Trump look like he’s not the scumbag is the most astounding Democratic achievement yet.