Month: July 2018

The Party’s Over

Posted on by Anthony Bialy

The Walking Dead fans complain the show’s great except for the parts where they yap while standing there.  It’s less frustrating after realizing static lousiness is part of the show.  As for other depressingly droning plots, take the horrid policies associated with Republicans despite their purported dedication to liberty.  The deviation is especially evident with longtime Democrat Donald Trump displaying the consistency of roulette wheels that used to spin in his now-shuttered casinos.

How are we supposed to be stereotypical cruel tycoons if we’re punished for commerce?  Good luck getting rich when federal policy demands purchasing from fellow citizens, who apparently need special protection.  Moaning how the Party of Quayle never actually limits government is futile enough to be quaint.  Exceptions become rules if they’re popular enough, or at least stupidly stubborn.

Why are you disloyal to America?  Buying items made in other countries makes the Statue of Liberty cry, Ivan.  Tariffs are for your own good to prevent pecuniary treason.  The fine for choosing to shop from a nice catalog mailed to you from abroad is punishment for buying what you’d like from where and who you’d like.

Your vote demonstrates which execrable infiltrations into your life you prefer.  You get a whole range of two.  Both are stupid enough that they couldn’t get into that online college with the commercials that gives you a tablet with your check.

Tariffs are the cool new tax.  The notion that costs aren’t passed along to consumers is as foolish as thinking Washington is capable of providing sweet insurance through efficient capital management.  Are you still enjoying Obamacare?  Perhaps it’s a different style of mandatory monopoly that inspires you to vote.  Everyone’s now a sucker for getting bossed around while being charged an hourly rate. The acrimonious debate is about just what kind of exhausting oppression we prefer.  It depends on which messianic executive you like.

Believing a trade war can be won is like thinking Michelle Wolf is going to be funny.  Tariffs are to life as LeBron James is to Cleveland loyalty.  Inflicting them is silliest liberal policy of intervention to control consumers.  Now, it’s a Republican mainstay.  Casual voters think punishing sneaky foreigners for wanting to sell us junk embodies laissez-faire economics.  Thank a president trying to mimic the trappings of wealth in 1987.

Trump believes in open commerce aside from the open and commerce parts. The Republican precedent for messing with trade is lamentably as ingrained as their unwillingness to strangle government.  Making customers pay to protect America against competition is a tradition that dates back to Herbert Hoover, the emblematic Republican doofus. It’s hard to claim onerous levies not intrinsic to the faction when they date back to when complex cocktails weren’t just a hipster affectation.

Words don’t mean anything, you stupid jerk.  See?  That wasn’t insulting. It’s like how “bad” is “good,” at least according to several 1980s rap songs. Treating Republican as a synonym for conservative is as straightforward as it is incorrect.  We get the crummy results along with the wrong policies demonized, which is why present life feels like the best of both worlds.

It’s not that contemporary politics are renowned for subtlety.  But getting it wrong is the new standard.  An economic meltdown prompted by mandating houses be sold to buyers who couldn’t afford them was a failure of free markets, according to the same political junkies who feel limiting trade is part of limited government.

Missing George W. Bush is popular thanks to contrast.  Nostalgia for a family pushed into retirement should not take the form of liberals pretending they miss the guy they charmingly referred to as Hitler McChimpy.  Instead, fondly remembering the president and president’s son revolves around how he was marginally more dedicated to leaving us alone.  Sure, that doesn’t count rampant spending and pointless trade wars.  Some things are sadly routine.

I’m torn.  It’s important to realize that dull predictability by party has a point.  Yet doing the same stupid things over time shouldn’t bring comfort.  How about broad principles applied to specific issues based on observed results?  Or, decide what to think based on what’s chafing Brian Kilmeade’s chalupa that morning.  The president’s only steadfast beliefs have been a commitment to black glass, plastic chassis, and condemning other nations for selling things to us.  The wild card isn’t always exciting to play.

Politics are simple, although not in the sense commonly understood.  Decide who you want bossing you around.  The public traditionally thinks Democrats are for increased federal tinkering while Republicans oppose.  The standards are half-right.  They’re isn’t a party in government for limiting it if that knowledge makes life easier.  The only upside to nonstop meddling is how liberals now condemn their own beliefs.  Seeing who hates financial interdiction is the only benefit of a rather large involuntary expense.

Example Pending

Posted on by Anthony Bialy

It’s sure reassuring how we can define our world with a single incident. One example is all it takes.  You used to at least need three for a trend story.  Thankfully, social media has made judgment instantaneous.  I would advise against letting any individual define us, especially if that individual is Donald Trump.  But it’s just easier to be branded and bitch about fate.

Who knew how few nasty idiots it takes to condemn half the country?  I’m starting to suspect some people unfairly characterize anyone who disagrees with liberal doctrine as evidence Adolf’s DNA mutated and found its way into Red State water reservoirs.  Those hateful hypocritical rednecks are so eager to stereotype.

Take how a handful of tiki torch statist losers became the embodiment of limited government.  Or hyperventilate about whichever moment where some hateful person scolded an innocent victim that’s dominating your feed today.  And an uncouth remark in a distant doofus’s congressional ad will of course represent an entire party, so brace for your assignment.

Crime shouldn’t claim new victims, either.  School shootings can be made worse if they’re not treated as individual incidents.  Those new to human nature are fond of claiming a gun law is worthwhile if it saves one life.  Forget how disarming the innocent will only cost them: changing the way we live because of a single atrocity by a lone monster is not going to make anyone feel safer.

There’s nothing inspirational like an ideology based in confiscating rights on a widespread basis while panicking schoolchildren in every classroom.  The refusal to do the math and note such attacks remain blessedly rare won’t make children safer.  But it will make adults self-righteous, and that’s a stronger fuel than granola.

Endure a rotten moment and we’re suddenly living through a lousy Margaret Atwood book. Every contained moment becomes fodder for think pieces claiming society is doomed.  It’s true, but not for the reasons CNN claims. For one, make sure to note the dates, as the inability to check simple facts is characteristic of frothing Trump-era mobs. Self-appointed cops don’t have the upper-body strength to lift pitchforks.  Sadly, modern telephones way much less.

It’s natural to look for broader points.  Take how a phone camera capturing one awful person screaming racial invective is used as a symbol of the era.  It’s natural to look for patterns, as that’s what keeps us from grabbing delicious cheese off mousetraps. But sometimes, it’s just that one unpleasant human ruining the space in which the nasty words echo. Don’t let seeing it on video drag you down from afar.

Extrapolation leads to torment if you can’t add.  Contemporary biases often lead one to conclude a single horse’s ass yelling at a deli employee embodies Trump’s America.  Pretend that life hasn’t always been full of jerks if it makes coping with the present easier.  The same raging dolts who’ve always sullied our days have somehow been emboldened by whoever won the presidency.  Blame an election’s results for everyday rudeness to make life feel even more pointless.

This isn’t happening constantly.  The news is nothing more than exceptions to everyday life, so be glad it’s always dreadful.  Social media is nothing more than absorbing current events constantly, which is easy to remember the one nasty person having a bad day and not the 50 quietly polite people also encountered.  That habit makes retail jobs even more miserable.  Getting attention by throwing a tantrum is a great life lesson.  I wonder if it ever happens online.

It should be a relief how an unpleasant viral confrontation doesn’t mean America’s soul is rotten.  Contained evil is a blessing no matter how much some people perversely hope it’s contagious.

Hatefulness isn’t widespread despite clickbait.  A contained engagement fails to represent a trend.  It’s just one nasty person righteously condemned throughout your Facebook feed.  That should make humans happier.  But they’re too busy looking for shaky reasons to stay outraged.  I suppose having to pretend circumstances are awful is a sign they’re pretty good.

Life isn’t easy, and neither should be trying to figure it out.  The lazy attempt to apply a single crummy story to society at large is just another fun byproduct of the information age making everyone experts. Read most of the headline to be a true authority.  Who wants things to be harder?  Both journalists and your more sanctimonious pals would have to try without easy examples.  If you desire subtlety, shut up.

Muck by the Handful

Posted on by Anthony Bialy

Do you feel more refined with a gold-tinged president?  That classy way we spend most of the day pursuing sewer fights makes life exquisite.  The question of how to take on Donald Trump is going to last his entire presidency, so at least stop getting freaked out by every tweet.  The only grosser thing is to let him lure you into his turf.  He assures you his lair is under the classiest manhole on Fifth Avenue.  You can see his name in fancy cursive if you look closely enough.

Big-government fans decided their archenemy is a big-government fan in one of those precious ironies they refuse to find amusing.  Liberals are so angry that they don’t even realize who agrees with them. They’re bitching about tariffs hurting the economy that they’d adore if Trump were still more than a de facto Democrat.  Look who’s into free markets now.

The worst part is how easy it would be to demean our president.  All contestants have to do is think clearly.  So, forget it.  The best way to defeat Trump is to turn on the microphone.  Let him say the atrocious thing you know he will if he gets rolling and it’s done. But the urge to shout what a filthy moron he is always wins out.

Stop giving him a smirk by losing control of one’s temper in the same way he started it.  People only remember the histrionic reply.  This would be much easier if any of the most prominent shriekers had better ideas than disagreeing with whatever the executive says. Rebelling against dad is the best way to deal with being 14.  Get a tattoo somewhere that’s tough to cover with sleeves to really show that jerk.

Sigh louder at the notion combatants are winning by being as disgusting. The sort of liberals who slimed Mitt Romney shouldn’t be considered inspirational.  Defeating the forces of evil by sinking as low as them will surely create no frightening consequences.

Forget the false premise that only Trump could defeat Hillary Clinton, as a grownup candidate would’ve put to rest the tiresome vote margin argument by closing it.  It’s surely worth victory if it means believing in nothing other than vanquishing anyone wearing a different insignia.

Tearing down a building about to collapse is a waste of energy, especially if you’re standing underneath the condemned structure.  Critics need to stay cool.  Instead, they routinely overheat.  Poor maintenance is always an issue while going full tilt at every moment.  But who can slow down when it’s the only thing keeping New Mussolini from ruining what’s left?

Calmness might help conjure a response more rational than screaming about fascism.  Everyone watching can sense who’s sputtering with anger. Too many of those trying to humiliate the president are just matching him.  The notion that Trump is hilarious when he’s riled up is killing comedy.  But yelling back isn’t any funnier.

Remaining peaceful is tough when war is the default setting.  The present effort to stay calm is like trying to enjoy a Bud Light commercial. Look at keg sales and tell me taste is winning.  If anyone needs to learn the difference between what’s winning and what’s valuable, tell them to look around in 2018.

Trump is the prototypical role model for our kind and gentle society.  Up yours, you fat nerd.  Electing a professional internet troll president was inadvertently perfect.  His horrifying grammar reflects the notions he’s trying to convey.   Taking the YouTube comment section to the White House has created the sort of respect we deserve.  Pretend it’s a compliment.  The value of arguing with someone who’s impolite on the internet has never been more apparent.

Someone else’s anger doesn’t have to affect you.  The secret to happiness is avoiding most humans.  But a world full of misanthropes isn’t as peaceful as hoped.  Instead, loathing humanity maddeningly hasn’t prompted individuals to go off on their own.  Most people lamentably seek out conflict for that delicate human touch.

You’re wrong, I noted about everything.  The urge to point out someone else is incorrect dominates us.  But those who note when facts are iffy often look foolish.  People are mistaken so often that someone who notes it is resented for being a know-it-all.  Join everyone else in knowing nothing.

As for the most prominent example of thorough ignorance, Trump screws up the truth so frequently that it seems like he’s doing so on purpose. Thinking he’s planning ahead gives him too much credit.  That’s the norm now.  Shrug and walk away, as being lured into a bitch-slap contest makes everyone with a facial handprint look bad.

Fit to Twit

Posted on by Anthony Bialy

Many people hate something they interact with constantly, which is only a mystery if you’ve never been in a relationship.  In these modern times, nothing embodies the human urge to indulge in something appalling like how Twitter sucks.  The ubiquitous site is a bag of Doritos that’s going to make you sick.  But knowledge won’t stop us from finishing it.  You simply must keep using what’s loathed.  Where else would you post about it?

Inveterate thought-sharers couldn’t have envisioned how miserable we’d become back in the carefree days of 2010.  The lack of vision happened because users were too busy documenting whatever was running through their minds that second.

Who could stop?  It’s a shame, as nothing inspires like hearing from people who are cranky in the same way I am.  One of the few ways to get through this miserable existence on this stupid planet packed with horrid jerks is finding people who are ticked off about the same things.  Our species is always seeking out the cathartic chord changes of blues music.

Tweeters agree with those in charge noting they’re awful at it.  Twitter executives, which is weird to type, have handed control to ostensibly indifferent formulas.  Still, the machines prompt suspicion.  The social justice social media twits decided algorithms should be in charge, which is like telling Sarah Connor to trust cyborgs. Even worse, those in charge of said algorithms are particularly woeful.  Humans are always the biggest issue, especially when they’re turning a formerly entertaining site into the BlackBerry of communication.

As good liberals, Twitter minions tolerate anyone who agrees with them. Anyone else is a homophobic misogynistic racist transphobic bigot whose jokes about Hillary losing are totally unfunny.

Messing with the accounts of anyone to the right of Bernie is just the start.  I wish I had never learned what a shadow ban is, especially since it may keep countless users from reading my wretched calls for help. Seeking an open forum is officially ironic.  Who needs a spectrum of opinions when you can have Twitter Moments explain why those who disagree with them are pond scum?

It’s a little too perfect how those who run Twitter can’t trust the free market.  Anyone participating could just block or mute anyone unpleasant.  But that moment of offense can apparently scar sensitive adult boys and girls for eternity. Choosing with whom to not interact means letting users decide for themselves, which is the sort of dangerous precedent that could encourage independent thought.

Twitter’s appeal is its simplicity, which of course makes it irresistible with which to meddle. It’s a way to bitch while reading bitching from others.  That’s we need to get though the days.  The site’s overlords won’t contain the urge to muck up what’s working.  That suicidal urge seems universal among all app staffs.  They are smarter than users about how things work, after all, so why wouldn’t they turn a pleasantly easy process into a baffling ordeal?

Time moves forward, which is so boring.  The site’s gnomes do everything they can to not show users the tweets they want in the order they appeared.  Stupid chronological feeds create the misleading perception that life is orderly.  They think they’re making it better by pulling wires when all they have to do is turn on the switch.

Creating your own news feed should have been one of the joys of these techno-times.  It’s fun to be your own editor.  Get around pompous gatekeepers who thought they were doing society a favor by lecturing about how Republicans want to hunt the indigent for profit.  That’s not to mention how criminally easy journalism is.  You mean you just note what happens?

Twitter quickly became a place where conservatives could circumvent the pompous twits who appointed themselves guardians of information by virtue of gobbling up the few channels available.  The internet lets anyone access everything, which is a fun way to pass the time if you haven’t tried it.  Naturally, undermining the system won’t be tolerated.

The little bird’s owners are letting it die.  Twitter’s bosses have no idea about the amazing thing they created.  It’s the George Lucas of social media.  It’s telling that there are precisely zero site employees with interesting accounts.  They’re too invested in being woke, which is a word whose redefinition puts “cool” to shame.

I hope Twitter gets better, which is the sort of folly common among people who think bitching about the news all day equals productivity.  But at least quixotic longing is a universal notion.  It’s prevalent even among those who interact with the corporeal world.

Cheering for a freer Twitter is like hoping atrocious sports teams or your crummy family are capable of improving despite experience.  As someone who cheers for Buffalo franchises, I can sadly confirm annually.  Something in which you’ve invested hope is tough to abandon no matter the urge.  It’s too bad we just can’t accept that something sucks.

Checking one’s feed as habitually as brushing teeth turns out to be swell for mental health.  The incessant carping can’t last indefinitely. Nothing is permanent, especially not an app.  The Myspace guys thought they’d be coasting well through this decade.  But I’ll still be sharing this very column in my feed.  It is mine, after all. That’s until I tick off an indignant impotent online mob for accurately calling someone a traitor.  Twitter’s all about not thinking past one’s current notion, and its employees are only shortsighted in its honor.

Agree to Disagreeable

Posted on by Anthony Bialy

The other side disagrees with you because people are all different.  It’s just that they’re decent while you’re not.  Unlike them, anyone locked outside their clubhouse is stupid and awful.

Those not wise enough to join with the forces of kind government want to do something that doesn’t correspond with conventional wisdom and are therefore a bunch of transphobic Goebbels who don’t want to ban trans fats.  Demonize your foes in lieu of generating ideas.  These days, there’s no difference.

Let’s check on the debate.  Well, that was a mistake.  Everyone is too busy calling for civil war to actually fight one, so at least there’s a kind of peace.  The only limit is seeing how much ground beef you can throw at your opponent after he fell in the dingo pen.  Call someone a monster, then wonder why nobody joins you.

Why do you want children to be shot?  Efforts to restrict firearms and protect schools are treated as indistinguishable.  That’s why gun control fans helpfully accuse anyone with divergent ideas of having trouble typing on account of bloody hands.  The obsession with the implements avoids addressing personal responsibility and free will, which is why it’s so popular among those who like collectivizing guilt.

Emotions blot out facts, so make sure to get angry enough to avoid learning any statistics.  Note that school shootings are down, they’re about as rare as a lottery win, and occur in gun-free zones to be called pro-corpse.  Our gentle meddlesome friends think the only solution is more gun control, which is why they frame the debate as a choice between gun owners giving up rights and dead kids. Anyone that fair is bound to be thinking clearly.

All the victims of the bloodthirsty greedy NRA are getting crummy care. You’re just going to have to learn how to duck better until there’s more free treatment.  What are you going to do: pay for what you get?

The worst example of presuming the government should care for us is them caring for us.  Your health is the last on an endless list of things you shouldn’t want politicians running.  But you have to convince those who’ve decided the only way to get insurance is by force. What’s a Geico?

Free markets apply to any industry.  Forcing companies to compete would lower prices.  But why pay little when you can get something for nothing?  I thought you were good with money.  There can’t possibly be a catch, as hidden costs would ruin some treasured world views.

Don’t even bother making the case anymore.  Take pointing out marriage involved different genders from the dawn of civilization until a few years ago.  But those primitive times are banished to last decade. It’s now accepted as any pairing one can imagine counts, so don’t be a fiend who holds differently.

Be tolerant of everyone except those who disagree.  Not wanting to change must be out of hating equality, as it’s impossible to think that weddings are for the benefit of children produced.

The toxic environment is bad enough without the sucky ideas of those responsible.  But those who think everyone else is evil sure have screwed things up with their unwillingness to grasp human nature or consequences.

Big-government aficionados leave a trail of crime when there’s enough left to steal.  Changing based on observation sounds easy, but hating everyone on the other side as a distraction is even easier.  And you say they don’t grasp catharsis.

The willingness to cope with disagreement by crushing the other party is not limited to random anonymous cranks.  Brace and take a glances at, say, Chris Murphy’s ludicrous Twitter feed to learn who’s a Pinochet-kissing ghoul for disagreeing with Connecticut’s dimmest senator.  Of all the businesses he’s hurt, you’d think his home state’s tourism would make him most ashamed.

Let’s argue over arguing.  We can’t have a debate, at least not in the traditional sense.  Swearing while doxxing doesn’t count.  Current events discussions used to be based on the premise that reasonable people can disagree, and that was sure stupid to respect the wrong kind of diversity.

We got to have peace, so treat anyone who notices the government is a bit spendthrift as toxic trash.  Also, you’re awful for thinking a straw is a pleasant way to get a beverage into your mouth.

The presumption that everyone who dissents is either indifferent to or profiting off misery brought us to this amicable place.  I hate to say this is how you got Trump, but that phrase is saved by many Twitter users as their default pasting phrase for a reason.  If anyone’s tired of hearing it, stop framing arguments so everyone on the other side of the line should be pushed off the cliff.  The arguments themselves are never as artful.

Hole-in-None

Posted on by Anthony Bialy

A boss has to be ready for any challenge, so make sure to elect one who can get past the windmill.  Noting we have a golfing president is redundant.  But we have an even golfier president than usual.

This particular politician is so devoted to the purported sport that he devotes some of his land to the ample space needed to play it. Donald Trump doesn’t mind stereotypes of wealthy layabouts idling the day away on impossibly manicured lawns.

You thought Barack Obama confirmed stereotypes about presidents and irons?  The course tycoon and incumbent has set a new standard for puttering around.  It’s part of him changing everything.  He has to hit that little dimpled bastard as part of his ego package.

The leader of the free world’s identity is wrapped up in owning what I’ve been assured are the classiest golf courses in the land.  You can tell by all the gold accents that his outposts are for the richest and thus best humans.

It sure seems indulgent to hit the links, which is the phrase somehow associated with an activity that’s pompous even for country clubs.   Tolerate the baffling obsession as long as nobody participating tries to convince us golf is athletic.  Those who think it should be treated in the same category as, say, hockey are the same misguided souls who think they have a compelling case that Trump is a conservative.

Please don’t nuke us overnight, as the graveyard shift is presently unstaffed.  We cope with consequences of electing a president who’s not on-call.  He’s serious about clocking out at 5 p.m.  It’s courteous for the incumbent to think of the taxpayer by not accruing too much overtime.

There’s nothing as partisan as whoever voted for the present president acting like the poor guy has to work more than 40 hours per week.  We should presume the job comes with a bit of stress, what with the policies and signings.

A part-time executive isn’t all bad.  I don’t want a perpetually busy president.  That shouldn’t be a matter of affiliation: everyone should oppose one guy trying to make life more like his dreams. Anyone that arrogant is bound to make life more miserable.  The notion applies to the incumbent as much as it does his predecessor. As for those delusional self-appointed messiahs, they can go ahead and golf if it keeps they from ruining whatever they were attempting to improve in the office.  Please stop helping us by waging trade wars.

Send lousy employees on diversions to keep from smashing your day’s work. Critics of Trump’s incessant golfing also fume that he’s the planet’s most powerful individual.  You’d think they’d want to reduce that role.  The instinct to shrink a president’s influence on our lives goes against liberalism, which should tell liberals something.  I’m sure life will be back to being wonderful once they elect a goon they like.

Stop bitching when a boss you despise is away from the office.  Reducing one’s responsibility is a way slackers limit damage without them even realizing it.  He’s unlikely to boast, threaten, or cajole while chasing that damn little ball to smack it, at least to anyone outside his group.

The consuming hobby is peculiar for those of us to whom it never occurred to take up golf.  It takes a comically high number of hours, but at least it costs a Land Rover’s payment every time.  I don’t like to judge what others do with their free time unless it’s a thorough waste.  Consider my golfly contempt as a reaction to having to hear a few days every year about how the Masters is more special than the return of one’s particular deity.

The pastime seems particularly appealing to presidents on a bipartisan basis to the point indulging may be constitutionally mandated.  The putting green on Eisenhower’s farm embodies the executive fixation.  Does anyone who wants to be head of state like demolition derby instead?

It’s tricky to figure out why so many enjoy a hobby that’s wasteful in so many ways.  Ideally, the real-life form of Wii Golf would teach them that aggravation is the normal state of affairs.  If nothing else, someone dedicated to leisurely strolling a large lawn sounds like an ideal president to me.

Society should do anything to get rid of hack jokes about how presidents want to play rounds instead of do their jobs.  It’s a pointless, frustrating game that reflects life a bit too closely.  Presidents could at least acquire lessons from it, which we’re told from childhood is the point of hitting around a ball.

Feel relief that a president takes a break from trying to run our lives.  If he’s at leisure, we can be for a few hours, too.  Our version has less walking.

Right Winged

Posted on by Anthony Bialy

Things are sure confusing for times plagued with such simplicity.  Take how modern humans revel in clarity aside from not knowing what words mean.  Astute political consumers are spending an entire presidential term figuring out what conservatism is supposed to be like.  The once-popular political movement is among countless basic things with wavering definitions.  Does it mean indulging in authoritarianism or being left alone?  Those who are into bossing around others have an unfair advantage.

Anyone for shrinking government sees conservatism as a logical extension of wanting to not be like Democrats.  The competing faction is a bunch of monstrous ugly jerks for the offense of wanting people to solve their own problems.  Less federal influence sounds swell as long as you’re fine with doing things on your own, so forget it.  Being handed less than you put in is a ripoff, but be glad someone else has to suffer the effects of negative accounting in this zero-sum Trumpian world.

Telling your representative to sod off maximizes your citizenship.  Instead, healthy disrespect of some dumb politician now somehow classified as insolent.  The party that once at least pretended to care about respecting individual rights ended up with a mini-tyrant who assures us he’ll install happiness by starting fights with other nations over us buying their affordable goods.

Donald Trump gets even crankier, if that’s possible.  The erstwhile vodka pimp is frustrated by all these lame rules which lead to him needing the approval of inferiors in order to get the awesome things he wants.  He really should’ve read up about the job before interviewing.  But anyone that blatant about embellishing the application isn’t going to think out consequences.  Citizens who only want those in violation of contracts to suffer legal consequences are hassled themselves in a fun embrace of irony.

Enjoy our simple times. It’s much easier to choose between parties when they believe basically the same nonsense, so don’t fear making the wrong decision.  I mean, your neighbors and work colleagues will curse your existence for eternity if you choose differently.  Just make sure you pick the hue that’s right for you.

The choice is easy.  You only have to figure which messianic lunatic most closely conforms to your personality.  Declining is not an option, at least in the sense of turning it down. Collectively fading into obscurity is a different story.

Video games conditioned us to watch others do stuff.  Politics is even easier, as it features less button-pushing.  Nobody feels like running their own races.  It sounds sweaty, so why not just invest one’s identity in cheering for someone else?  The same mentality defines fandom, and sports are quite popular these days.  Deciding which style of authority figure they want to make them submit offers enough personal action.

The shift to meaninglessness is less existential than expected, as seen by the vicious cussing.  It’s become an accepted bitchy talking point that conservatives don’t get anything, as checking results is as tricky as thinking up a belief system.  Blaming those whose ideas were disregarded is like mocking the fire department because we ignore their advice to stop using aerosol cans to light candles. They sure got put in their place, we noted as the curtains seem flame-y.

It’s hard to remember that America once didn’t seek mandated irritation. Our nation is equipped with quite the vigorous capital, which is the kindest way to note we’re beaten like the Browns.  Heavy power is now used in pursuit of conservative goals.  But the whole point is that conservative goals don’t need it.  The tariffs to allegedly protect America irritate anyone who believes the nation can whoop economic hide without barriers.

Conflating the nation’s awesomeness with a cool government is really helping us develop as individuals.  You can tell we have strong personalities by the primary characteristic of loathing everyone else.  Life is great here precisely because we’re left to figure out life.  Of course, that’s frightening.  But the only thing scarier is thinking government can remove uncertainty.  The people should be trusted, election results aside.

Conservatism is obviously what I say what it is.  Don’t listen to any charlatan who thinks I’m wrong.  Those people also sell angel dust to kindergarteners.  Well, I suppose there’s some room for discussion. I am open-minded, after all, although not enough to think these are calm and happy times.  As is too frequently the case, winners create losing.  They drag down everyone else if the result isn’t depressing enough.

Big Brother Is Bothering You

Posted on by Anthony Bialy

Stop that!  We can all see what you’re up to, and the fact everybody knows such makes us conclude you like being watched doing that, you sick freak.  We’ll go first.  Citizens are always tracked in these modern times, which is the natural result of always having cameras face us.  Am I in frame? Oh, and who knew that the light meant we’re being filmed?

Presume our rights are being infringed every moment to maintain the proper mentality.  It’s nice to stay paranoid, as it keeps us sharp.  Most of the time, it turns out suspicion is justified, as our attentive government kindly insures we’re not baselessly crazy.

Make sure to flip off your phone camera a few times per day in case anyone’s watching.  Standard human vanity turns out to consume us when paired with devices that enable it.  Desperate modern people fear the government doesn’t pay us enough attention.  What: are our routines not fascinating enough to our minders?

The collectivization of everything lends itself to knowing all filthy details about our fellow people.  Each entitlement and regulation means another way to monitor behavior. Pestering citizens about why they can’t afford the health care they’re forced to buy is as irksome as being told we can’t stay safe without handing over calling histories.  I don’t even like talking on the phone, much less others knowing.

The state isn’t trying to blackmail you just because they gather every bit of humiliating evidence possible, as that’d require maliciousness we know doesn’t exist in Washington.  Nanny statism is chance to judge others, which is all the limp voyeurs want.  You can’t decline, so please tell us about yourself and everything wrong with you.  Now disclose your income to see if you’re poor enough to make others buy your insurance.

Oh, the struggles probably stem from the money drained in the first place.  But the government can’t care for us unless they learn everything about us.  One of the countless pleasant things about being forced to enroll in Medicaid is exposing one’s financial background to a bureaucrat trained in snooping.  Take away other options, and people end up choosing governmental insurance by law.  How about that.

Obtaining everyone’s secrets is ruining ideology.  An individual who grasps simple mathematics can oppose the horrid return on Social Security. But there’s no option to decline.  Let those who shriek that net neutrality will allow internet providers to control our experiences see what happens upon trying to decline the government’s mandates. Gloat that those who have their options taken are forced to compromise, as that’s really getting the point.

The true resistance wants a government so weak that it doesn’t matter if Donald Trump wields power.  Anyone still convinced we’re more advanced than a beehive should be calling for a national sales tax just so we don’t have to disclose income to the last twits who should be allowed to know.

Forget to mention what’s ordered.  It’s your duty if you believe in being left the hell alone.  Tip in cash so your servers don’t have to declare it, and buy other things with bills to reduce your grid presence while you’re at it.  Also, it’s a shame that all those guns were lost when the volcano erupted in your basement.  An AR-15 makes you an unstoppable murder machine, but it will eventually melt in magma.

The dystopian totalitarian nightmare is here.  But nobody looked up from phones to notice.  I don’t even think the cameras turn off.  Orwell was an optimist, as 1984 came about voluntarily.  Who wants to be tracked constantly?  Okay, let’s make this easier: who didn’t raise their hands?  We adore feeling admired, even if it’s just our federal babysitters adding to photo folders named with our initials.

There aren’t that many more seconds to shave.  It’s remarkable how every era features even quicker instancy.  I miss the carefree laid-back days of dialing AOL.  Facebook makes us feel like we live lives worth commemorating, at least with the pictures cropped.  And I can’t remember the last thought I had that remained untweeted, although I’m sure that just means a high volume of golden content.

But at least we’re handing it over even if nobody seems to realize there’s an option to pipe down.  Your hand only feels light for a few minutes if it doesn’t contain a phone, so don’t fear the awkward sensation prompted by setting it down.  It’s crucial to differentiate between what’s volunteered and taken.  Either bit of information may possibly be used against you.  But we’re only responsible for one of those.

Anyone disturbed by the collective knowledge of what everyone else does is starting to see why people don’t seem furious about the endless invasiveness: it’s an easy way to avoid responsibility.  We can see nobody else is held accountable, which is the worst result of universal espionage possible.  Please quit staring.