Party Crashed

If your companionship is unwanted, it’s at least fun to leave.  Flip off the clique’s jerks and invent swear words as you free yourself from the burden of friends who weren’t.  When do you go against party?  How about when they go against your interests while blaming you?  Well, that was easy. This year, partygoers are being dared to flee without finding their shoes first.

Duck out of this lame soiree at the first chance.  Help others if you can, but we’re each responsible for fleeing any time the host is distracted.  Those fretting about low attendance should think about what their guests might enjoy.  A little constructive criticism may not sound like a fun parlor game. Still, it beats throwing highball glasses at each other.

Anyone sensitive to criticism deserves more of it.  I don’t see any way to break the cycle.  You’re not arming your foes when your candidate is the one peddling rhetorical weapons to political enemies.  There’s no reason to have companions if they’re not comfortable enough to tell you an outfit looks ridiculous.

Drill sergeants are only mean because they don’t want recruits stumbling in combat.  So don’t feel hurt by their strong suggestions for behavioral improvement.  Criticizing those on your side who need and deserve it is the opposite of treason despite what self-identifiers wearing red hats tell you about your purported support for Hillary.  Those framing voting as a test of dedication instead of a choice between the least worst jerk are hurting very human candidates by treating them as Marvel superheroes.  These lame radiation victims have abnormalities more than powers. They’d be lame even by DC standards.

Blindly endorsing the myopic creates more than weak vision.  Partisans with glowing eyes aid foes by being unwilling to note which areas in their leaders could stand to get better.  Humans should be willing to attempt self-improvement.  But that’s impossible if one’s following the savior to a polling place.  The one thing for which Donald Trump is known is modest willingness to become a fuller person, which is why he now knows almost 80 English words.

Anyone who understands free markets knows the value of competition.  Sadly, that doesn’t apply to anyone in this election.  When you think the government should dictate solutions, you’re not about to approach problems constructively. Central planning’s inevitable failures don’t deter those who refuse to accept their own shortcomings.

Monopolies don’t last, as those goons who think they’ve cornered support are doomed to get soft in arrogance.  Both fake business titans genuinely running for president are furious they haven’t run away with what they presumed would be electoral sweeps. Instead of using competition as a chance to hone one’s abilities to maximum efficiency, they ignore critiques as insolent, which exacerbates issues.  It’s an enjoyable campaign.

Knowing when to lambaste your own people is the toughest call.  Customer feedback improves performance.  But aspiring autocrats aren’t going to monitor their star ratings.  The whole point of giving oneself boundless power is not having to heed the petty complaints of customers who want to decide what to buy and for how much.

The guy who needs the most advice accepts the least. Trump is as clear a test as possible about whether or not you should get the hell away.  His innate ability to see how far he can provoke is the only time he’s not deceptive.  Naturally, it’s not by design.  Lucifer’s pet year is valuable in how it illustrates loyalty’s downside, namely being shackled to an exploding tangerine that releases a torrent of cussing upon detonation.  A slight nudge might send shrapnel flying, so sit very still.  His shock troops are about to get even angrier about how cruel the universe has been to their dream of bringing back manufacturing jobs from the middle of last century.

Treat candidates as above criticism to see them make more mistakes. Hillary is unable to pick out an outfit for herself, and her staff’s unwillingness to mention this to her symbolizes an unnatural amount of faith in a quite fallible person.  Entrepreneurs find the product they can sell the best, and in her case it happens to be her soul. Who are we to judge that she’s not skilled at peddling Chevrolets?

The unwillingness to challenge a quasi-queen who inherited nothing but an uncanny capacity to sell favors has doomed her to messianic arrogance.  As is befitting of a central planner, she’s ensured competition isn’t even fun.

Joining a party isn’t a wedding: you’re not bound forever.  Use Trump’s flexible take on matrimonial commitment as a standard if you still feel nervous about bailing.  Membership is a negotiation, which a group ostensibly dedicated to free markets should grasp.  Give up on someone who doesn’t want you anymore.  Their inability to see what a sweet person you are is on them.

Things you like may change for the worse, so don’t stick around to watch a former great stammer.  I stopped watching The Simpsons when it got goofy despite years of watching like clockwork, and I’m certainly not going to stick with something more trivial like a political party. These episodes suck and it’s obviously teetering on cancellation.

Perspective changes everything.  Maybe that’s not always good: those who destroyed the organization are sure insistent upon loyalty now. You’re expected to befriend the arsonists.  The old party was crummy, unlike the one that revolves around the all-galaxy phony and his desire to dominate you.  If you seek an exit sign, it’s in your line of sight and never going to be illuminated this brightly.


We the Baffled People

Election results reflect on us.  Yikes. We really are pathetic.  I’d join a species from another galaxy, but they’ve been shrewd enough to avoid a planet where the declining preeminent power chooses among these two.  Our rotten year has been a boon for misanthropes who needed their belief system confirmed. Those who can’t muster hate for mankind must have pleasant days, although I’d feel ignorant if I never read any news story under any circumstances.

I’m applying to live with the monkeys, as something is fundamentally wrong with our species.  After all, a contest which makes us beg Elon Musk for a chance to escape to a different planet is an indication of where we are as a race.  The worst part of democracy is finding someone to blame, although many manage to shift responsibility.  It must’ve been your crummy vote that ruined the economy, jerk.

If anyone’s tired of psychological assessments applied to every campaign move, our society should stop hoisting such obvious distress flags. Trump has the edge when it comes to understanding compensating for inadequacy, although he only tops the astoundingly needy Hillary because it’s his most special skill. If elections were decided Mortal Kombat-style, bragging about failures would be his finishing move.

Someone who runs his mouth to distract from shuttered casinos faces a woman who’s never earned an honest buck and lusts to punish everyone who has.  This is not an election for the scrapbook, presuming we can even find it under whatever wobbly table leg in the National Archives it’s been stuck.  We should never bring this race to the bottom back to mind because of what it says about citizens of a nation where it can happen.  What does a tendency to boast about what one hasn’t achieved say about those represented?  I’m sure it’s something nice.  As a reminder, our next head of state will be one of these two fiends.

Turning to politicians to make up for grievances with the universe only exacerbates toughness.  Don’t worry: I’m sure the next election will change everything.  Infatuations with inadequate leaders are a coping mechanism with the universe’s vagaries.  Alcohol is healthier.  Blaming someone else is a tacit admission of failure to cope with challenges.

Anyone who places faith in this dreadful government staffed by these atrocious employees is scared of free markets.  Protection is still not forthcoming even if you select properly.  If you’d rather trust, say, Elizabeth Warren to distribute trinkets fairly than negotiate on your own, you’ve declared free will as an enemy.  To be consistent, please don’t vote.

The government’s in charge, and who are we to disagree?  It certainly seems to know what it’s doing.  Questioning authority will just anger an entity that’s trying to make decisions for us.  “Stronger together” is as completely non-creepy as “I am your voice,” which is why we’re sure to again be in benevolent hands by January. A mean world where productivity is rewarded and trades are only regulated by mutual satisfaction through negotiation is simply unacceptable to modern progressive man.  Turning to control is a means of coping with a lack of confidence.

Public service fans struggle in private.  Nobody likes politics aside from a sliver of arrogant masochists who’d fail at selling bongs outside an Allman Brothers concert.  But that’s precisely why it’s important to pay attention to this blasted process, as those pompous twerps who both know the Health and Human Services budget and think it’s not enough will dash off with power otherwise.  Follow just closely enough so your government doesn’t follow you.  The only cure for nausea is building up tolerance.

This is who represents us.  Shame is normal.  Delegating authority to the sort of people slipping through the screening process is another reason why humans should be for personal responsibility.  I certainly don’t want my particular congressman or senators standing in my place.  They’re the sorts who’d cut in line and blame me.

The present devotion to preferred candidates would put Jonestown residents to shame.  Minions are begging to be left off the hook. Idolizing politicians reflects a desire to shift away liberty in favor of the security provided by others arranging your transactions. America’s an assisted-living facility where we’d like to think we’re as spry as those scheduling bingo.

The president must be awesome, as the person stands in for us.  Look at the incumbent and two potential replacements for endless evidence why that’s the worst idea since booking a room at Trump Taj Mahal. People should know better.  But the same people like to pretend there’s something easier.

Write Down That Candidate


It’s always neat to learn something new.  Don’t wait to discover the fire extinguishers’ locations until after the inferno begins.  Speaking of raging blazes, this election inspires voters to learn about alternatives.  This is a perfect time for a how-to blog about where to ink the name of a beloved uncle, actor, or fictional character on a ballot.  The event deserves no less seriousness.

Write-in fun is the smallest way to redeem 2016, like watching a Ben Affleck movie to see how bad it can get.  Most of us have never figured out how to add who we want to the electoral process before.  But learning a new skill is stimulating, especially if it means not having to support either eating glass chips or drinking bleach.

This isn’t moral preening, as I don’t possess the capability for proper behavior.  I don’t care if it’s branded self-righteousness, as I will not be associated with either space demon vying to conquer puny humans on behalf of their respective home planets so they can mine Earth’s core for the alloys they need to sustain their diabolical beings.  There are already enough things about which I feel guilty.  A race where both top options are the worst possible is where I cash in on what Catholic school implanted. Yes, one will win, and that doesn’t mean I have to help either in any way.

Refusing to help steer toward the canyon floor is liberating.  I’m just going to recline my seat instead of pretending I can turn the vehicle. Sure, the country’s due for a collision no matter who wins.  But that’s no reason to volunteer to push weight toward the front.  We have to live under half of these twits, and the difference is some people are excited by the prospect.

Think of this election as a chance to care about what you’re not required to by force.  The prospect of choosing between the Hindenburg and Titanic forces yourself to focus on more pleasant journey.  Music sounds better and coffee seems tastier if you’re forced to escape from another term of oppressive mandates and doltish hassles.

Satan’s dream matchup inadvertently provides chances to appreciate diversions whichever arrogant dunce wins can’t take away.  The loser winner can only make material goods harder to acquire.  But punishing prosperity or trade can’t ruin novels and series binged upon to escape.

Just as each zombie faction claims, this election is indeed a binary choice.  Does either candidate deserve your support: yes or no? Well, it’s not precisely how the mathematically challenged claims it works.  Their candidates are as bad as their arithmetic.  You have every right to not tick the box for historically junky choices.

There are more avenues of personal relief than acknowledged.  You can find a third, fourth, or higher-number party candidate lower on the ballot.  The names don’t stop after the top two, you know.  Fringe candidates won’t be out-kooked this year.  The fact that skipping an election altogether isn’t commonly mentioned as a choice shows a remarkable commitment to voting no matter how stupid the outcome is.

Nobody checks to make sure you voted for every line.  Of course, you can also still show up in your closest high school gym and vote for your congressman and local dictator. Skip the regrettable title bout for interesting local fights. Spare a thought for those sad souls who claim you’re wasting your vote, as they presumably can’t tell you what kind of music they like until they consult iTunes to see what’s selling well.

Can I offer a reminder how special you are?  Use a tough scenario as an opportunity to express personality by supporting who you’d like.  Add any name you’d like to what’s your ticket.  One of the few things I’ve enjoyed about 2016 is the prospect of writing in the eternally awesome Alice Cooper, a man who’s been running for 12 elections. Now’s his time.

Supporting an all-time rocker with an infinite capacity for the macabre who will bring his guillotine to the Oval Office has been my plan for months, and I’ve seen nothing in this horror show election that’s dissuaded me.  This race makes Mister Cooper’s nightmarish shows seem less frightening by comparison.

Who will attend state funerals and cut ribbons at new Dairy Queens when the president is busy in concert?  I’m adding the mighty Iowahawk as the ticket’s second name, an honor seeing as how it’s less work.  Let’s put “vice” in “vice president” with someone serious about leaving others the hell alone.  Sure, I have ulterior motives: my endorsement comes in hope the Cooper/Burge ticket will nominate me to the Supreme Court, as it’s about time they had a non-lawyer helping decide.  I don’t have a J.D. but know you shouldn’t have to buy crummy insurance.  I could use a government job.

A rebellious vote may not affect the election, although I am a dreamer about the Prince of Darkness’s chances. What’s important is how you’ll always know who you chose.  Don’t worry about maneuvering strategically while declaring what you believe.  We can only try to ensure the sliver for “neither” is large enough to alarm those sad enough to track on behalf of crummy parties.  One vote does make a difference, namely to your ability to fall asleep.  This election goes worlds beyond a mildly nagging conscience over backing the Romneycare guy.  Keep your name clear.

I Hate Your Candidate

They’re both scum.  At least be straightforward with your brain, which is already angry in its perpetual exhaustion.  You try contemplating what flaming mess is sure to follow the election while the body struggles to fall asleep, and you’d be as cranky as your most thoughtful organ, too.  Both the casually cynical and deeply ignorant claim that every politician is equally repulsive. This time, it’s true.

We can’t classify the way both hopefuls emerged from toxic ooze as a coincidence, as that discounts the shameful role free will played in the nomination process.  As a result of millions of repulsive poor decisions, the phonily sardonic get to be right this once.  Annoying self-proclaimed intellectuals feel they are above the fray, and feeding their delusions is the least worst thing about the least worthwhile election we’ve ever held.

The hobby of pretending that every politician is a thieving tyrant who recoils from honesty like a vampire at dawn is a fine American tradition.  That doesn’t mean it’s accurate.  Many elections feature at least one person you’d let housesit while you’re riding Space Mountain.  You’d let at least half of, say, 1992’s election participants feed your cat.  Personally, I wouldn’t give a house key to the future first First Man.  Regardless, the hope of having a decent option, singular, is presently unobtainable.  Curse these two repellant numbskulls for providing an example to those who don’t bother to learn the difference.  Brace for chaos following putzing attempts to implement irksome nationalist hassles, as it’s on the way.

The choice between two people who feel life is communal and want the army to enforce it would undoubtedly please the Founding Fathers.  Why be oppressed by a king an ocean away when there are fake real estate moguls and genuine kleptocrats right here who will do the job?  So, that’s how democracy works now.  You get to choose the least bad option, even though they’re equally disgusting.  Mentioning that humans are allowed to negotiate with each other is as old-fashioned as a genuine choice.  One candidate has dedicated her life to evading the Constitution, while the other needs an advisor to remind him the document exists.  At least there’s consensus that the boss makes the rules.

The purported Republican does have principles.  They just happen to be whatever Trump feels they are in between moments of pondering how much losers wish they could outfit their lobbies with this much pink marble.  Backing a clueless wannabe fascist was a unique choice among his new party.  Members were sick of not getting everything they wanted.  Now, they get none of it.  I guess going with someone like Marco Rubio who semi-disagreed on an issue or two was too much of a tease.  Sure, Donald dreams of control just like Hillary.  But he’s on our side, fools.

At least you can go with the plague if you don’t want leprosy.  Choose between a fiend for whom “Machiavellian” seems inadequate who’s dedicated her life to convincing you she’s not an appalling liar versus a brute in a suit who never bothered to train how to deceive convincingly.  “Everyone lies” is a lazy claim that’s right this election cycle.  It’s a shame how those who use others’ dishonesty to justify their own have two giant fresh examples.

The atmosphere is self-righteous, but at least there’s a lack of awareness.  If you’ve ever wanted to live in a Facebook rant about how both parties are stuffed with kleptocrats out to make deals for ersatz pals at the expense of the public, you’re in luck.  Everyone else is trying to escape the Net’s virtual prison.

The deals between good and bad guys make this a nightmare wrestling story arc where Hulk Hogan never restores decency. The Iron Sheik is going to retain the belt in this Bizarro federation, so prepare for him going atomic.  One candidate purchased the other’s friendship, and yet zealots for both maintain there’s a disparity.  The chummy relationship between two unpleasant options somehow gets worse, as it signifies each’s dedication to what they can trade to those who have no useful goods or services to offer in return.  Connivers sucking up to buffoons is not what we had in mind when we mentioned free markets.

Elections ideally feature at least one contender who pretends to think your life is your property.  Forget it happening in plural, dreamer.  The next ruler will expect you to submit.  The only hope is the putzing weakness each has displayed.  Maybe dissent will be fun.  I’m trying to make the best out of being stuck somewhere as lousy as Kamp Krusty.

Bury your valuables and values.  Assigning the few remaining trinkets to the most loyal henchmen will be the primary task of whichever tycoon of amorality wins.  Exploitation and manipulation will be standard procedure, not unpleasant gaffes.  Either of the leaders are happy when you’re sad because it means they might be able to harness your disaffection.  This is why we’re all feeling pleasant.  Knowing wretched statism will follow the election’s result isn’t as comforting as you’d think.  Only contempt for whichever atrocious option prevails can save us.

Honest Bull

Frankness in 2016 isn’t a rare a virtue as claimed.  It’s just that truthfulness involves the lusty quest to run our lives.  Enjoy small victories.  The most straightforward option is not who you think. Actually, you wouldn’t think it’s anyone, given the contest’s Devil versus Lucifer vibe.  By default and in her sick way, the more strident one can be trusted.  Accuracy is not measured in the Politifact way where liberal opinion grades as factual but in sort-of admitting how much she’d like to rob you.  In this most contemptible of years, veracity on hideousness serves as a paragon.

Hillary’s actually stating genuine beliefs in her grotesque way.  She’s indeed a trailblazer.  The third Clinton term will be about striving to get more power over you.  Yes, you personally.  Sure, her lust to take out frustrations about an unfaithful marriage and other mean boys has been focus-grouped into oblivion.  But her carefully-constructed “We’re all in this together”-style frightening bromides all feature a genuine endorsement of statism. She’ll be the one benevolently guiding us to unimaginable wealth where women are never denied jobs just because of failing to possess useful skills.  Such forthrightness is refreshing.

Sure, you have to scrutinize every speech and tweet from Mrs. Clinton to uncover she’s out to communalize what was yours.  But that’s just how she tricks you into paying attention.  And you thought she wasn’t a natural politician.  Explaining just how taxing success will create more of it is not her interest.  Instead, she focuses on calculatingly explaining why tyranny is cooperative.  Whatever shady words she utters, they’re easily understood by anyone with a leftist decoder ring.  Voters just have to notice, which is the problem that explains how she got to this cusp.  Monitor her blinking for subtext.

Only this election could make Hillary seem like the honest one.  Contrary to his own claims, Donald Trump isn’t honest any more than he’s good at keeping casinos open.  I’m wondering if anything else he said might be an empty boast.  A guy with zero conservative inclinations and no interest in political philosophy might be a bit casual with facts, if you can believe it.

Despite professing the opposite, Trump’s nothing more than another lying politician.  He’s just obnoxious about it.  While, say, Hillary got minions to shamefully whisper the incumbent was born abroad, Donald shouted it.  That coarseness is refreshing.  A life dedicated to bluffing only works if targets are too gullible to call.  Please let those who think carnival midways are the cheapest way to acquire Def Leppard mirrors keep playing.

Boisterousness is the key to sales if obvious lies are the product.  Simply convince enough marks that anyone that crass must at least be honest to succeed at being the infomercial candidate.  Trump is just more dedicated to relieving you of the burden of spending.  A Republican willing to betray his claim he’ll lower government’s influence isn’t quite novel.  The failed bottled water titan is exactly what he claims to stand against: he’s only clumsy at it. His fans would appreciate the irony of their beloved being worse than the sober options they condemned if they understood it.

The biggest misconception in a year revolving around them is that Trump is honest.  The same confused suckers who think he’s entertaining and funny concluded he must be honest simply because he’s unscripted, to phrase it nicely.  But the lack of written words just means he can run his mouth, which is easier than running a university or airline. Telling whatever whoever he’s speaking to wants to hear is a strange take on candor.  Of course, this is the same faux mogul who did everything he could to befriend his foe.  The Democratic suck-up is touted as the only way to prevent five justices from making abortion mandatory.

Isn’t certainty fun?  Well, that’s not always accurate.  Take how consistency is overrated if you’re getting jabbed with an ice pick every four minutes or watching a Girls marathon.  On that note, both hopeless hopefuls will use federal power to tell you firmly about what decisions you should be making, so there’s your bipartisanship.

The only race left is who’s better at fibbing about letting you keep a few bucks.  Trump’s crude aping of conservative positions means he’s second in a two-person race, which he better start appreciating. Enjoy an election so bad that the Clinton is in her way more honest. Lying loudly is confused for honesty if everyone seems crabby and squinty.  People not grasping the scale of mendacity is this election’s signature trend.  It’s the truth.

Tease Your Vote

For the nation’s health and your sanity, mock your candidates.  We need the humor in these profoundly unfunny moments.  And the vying dolts are begging to have safe spaces violated.  Tease contenders even if you like them.  In fact, roasting should follow especially if you like them.  As purveyors of a monopoly, public servants need to be held accountable.  That’s your job, I’m afraid to say.  But at least it’s fun to lampoon jerks inflicting stupid laws upon your life. Treat it like revenge, which is the best way to see such a check and balance.  A middle finger is the greatest insult to those who need to see the digit most.

As is befitting of an election where two candidates offer one unpleasant choice, each is domineering.  Their individual unpleasantness manifests itself in slightly different manners, so you do get a choice, although it’s doubtful most voters could distinguish who each is by just a description of personality traits.  At least we get to choose which soft hopeful who longs to project strength will overcompensate early into 2021.  Intolerance of criticism is part of projecting autocracy.  Sad fools confuse it with strength.

This would be a Milli versus Vanilli election no matter what.  But at least ponder how much better-prepared each would be if they were subject to skepticism from their own hires.  Nobody at Trump Tower or the Clinton Foundation would dare point out a shoelace was untied, much less patent ignorance or soulless corruption.  Insolence would get a Donald confidante replaced by an illegal immigrant.  Meanwhile, a lackey questioning Hillary would be subject to a caning the fool wouldn’t soon forget.  Humbly asking to serve the nation can’t compete with messianic preening.  By sheer chance, arrogant candidates both think they can warp the world to their respective standards.

People should learn to disrespect public leaders, as that respects our country. Veneration leads to a nation of men and not laws, which I believe to be backward.  Nothing could be more contrary to American values than to admire some pompous twit who got slightly more than half the votes.  Nurture the instinct to despise anyone who wants an office.  Arrogant suck-ups are to be reflexively seen with suspicion.

Tough love does politicians a favor.  Meanness leads to thicker hides, which any half-decent leader needs.  It’s too late now to save us from another dreadful four years.  But harassment would’ve benefited each of these atrocious numbskulls, especially considering what bullies they are.  Pushing back would’ve taught them both a valuable lesson about why they’re actually the ones who deserve shoving.

If nothing else, don’t nominate off-putting goons.  Let them try to eke out a living by doing unfulfilling menial work like every other brutish loser from your high school.  Don’t help erstwhile unpleasant classmates have a job to brag about at reunions.

Give in by order for unity.  Both of these incredibly unique potential presidents expect submission, with the punishment of being locked out of paradise only the beginning.  Conflate America’s greatness with being bossed around to see just how long we can go without three percent growth.  Choosing between a pair of unpleasant narcissists is a byproduct of concluding a posing executive orders progress into being.  A third term of vainly trying to reverse the tides may be all it takes for the public to finally learn about the weakness of bluffing toughness.

Don’t bother with lessons now, as it’s too late for these coddled geezers. Teachers have to get to students before the latter reach age 70 for the virtue of humility to settle in.  Next time, nominate at least one candidate humble enough to realize an election doesn’t endow Zod-like power.  Human limits on power require the electorate to learn no president can fix troubled lives via diktat.

Dedicated effort is the only path to improvement.  I know work sucks.  But the alternative is hoping a president stirs a wealth-creating elixir into reservoirs.  The Treasury Department can’t get the formula down or remove the bitter aftertaste.  All the government can do well is harass you.

Those who are younger in spirit and sharper in mental faculty than these hoary and dim options should look away from officeholders for inspiration.  Thinking a politician is swell leads to ignoring ample faults, all of which result in lost access to future decisions.  It should be an honor to serve.  Instead, we’re supposed to revere obvious buffoons.

Anyone from the country wise enough to reject the pinko metric system should reflexively gag at the thought of obeying a mandate from a bombastic putz.  The sort of president who’d agree with a lofty assessment inevitably sucks inversely.  Isn’t the guy who made the world love us so cool?

Tuneless Songs of Praise

Nothing’s conservative like a cult of personality. Place your faith in a single dude who will reward your allegiance with prizes funded by sucker dissenters.  It serves them right for voting incorrectly.  Abstaining from choices A or B is to be punished severely, as the quaint dedication to liberty is contrary to progress through submission.  The hero trying to convincingly read the case for an armed citizenry off an index card should placate the concerns of any babies attached to autonomy.

Perhaps I was a little rash in the previous paragraph: we may not get limited government worshiping one guy.  Even worse, it’s this guy.  Donald Trump is an outsider for a reason. There’s value in having been previously elected, as a lower office allows us to see how the hopeful performs under stress. The probationary period isn’t always heeded, which is how Senator Obama got promoted despite frequent absences and self-aggrandizing tendencies when he bothered to show up. But ignoring the review is the hirer’s fault.

A previous contest lets us know if there’s a conflict on the way.  And winning is a good chance to be humbled by experience.  We usually employ hopefuls who’ve learned how to reset the router and know who is pilfering break room granola bars.  Those who loathe government should appreciate the irony of serving within it.  If you want to destroy from the inside, you first need to know the layout.  Good luck attacking the Death Star without blueprints.  Talk about disrespecting Bothan deaths.

Don’t you want a wall that only lets through fair trade?  Your mouthy demigod will order everything you desire into being if you believe strongly enough.  I think it won’t work, so I’m locked out.  Teasing the wobbly figurehead is a risk I’m willing to assume.

Of the countless problems with an ineffective goon angrily promising bliss, the worst is how the strategy is Obamaesque.  Using executive power to counteract human nature and smash the nature of existence isn’t going to start working because of an “R” adjacent to the president’s name.  Those dedicated to a particular individual are convinced they know the answer that can’t be questioned.  Why are you for people dying on the sidewalk because they weren’t forced to buy insurance?  Ask single-payer fan Trump.

Don’t bow to anyone claiming salvation outside of a space with stained glass.  The refusal to worship any oaf applies to both public office speakers and those pimping them through your speakers.  At least Satan’s preferred election proves Rush Limbaugh is nothing but an entertainer, if you can call blowhard boasting and fealty to a petty hopeful despot entertaining.  Does he still talk about working for the Kansas City Royals?  Let me know if there are new details.  By contrast, Sean Hannity and Laura Ingraham were never pleasant to endure.  Placing that much faith in purportedly conservative broadcasters runs counter to principles they don’t really share.  As with pompous contenders, they may turn out to be schmucks.

Placing faith in ideas is fun, but how can you hang a concept’s portrait over the fireplace?  You could frame a copy of the Constitution, but those are rarer nowadays than a steady job.  Too many commenters supposedly committed to natural rights spend all their hours searching for the next Reagan, a great human president who should be admired and not venerated, by the way.  But they should start from the beliefs and work from there.  Even better, those wandering without direction can push these ideals themselves.  Living by principles takes toil, which sets a rare good example.

If this is truly the savior, congregants shouldn’t be nervous about criticism. Why scowl so much at doubters?  Take joy in their future suffering if you believe so strongly.  Phonies pimping anger have invested all faith in someone just as fuming.  The self-fueling rage loop is the only commercial activity both parties have created.  Nominating Trump is an afterthought when sputtering replaces foundations. May this race over glass shards at least serve as a market correction for faux-conservative ghastly yappers.

It’s odd how those who preach bleakness always happen to think the next election will be what finally makes them happy.  Don’t notice causes and effects, as that’s no longer conservative.  Everything will be better when it’s my guy shoving around other cliques.  Pick a more muscular bully next time.  Keep waiting for evidence Trump could shove a lawn chair with a stiff breeze’s assistance.  Pundits are full of conspiratorial rage that escapes when they’re near microphones.  Avoid being in earshot to ensure no poison is consumed aurally.