Month: August 2019

Anti-Socialism

Posted on by Anthony Bialy

Whining is enabled by prosperity. Americans have every advantage in the world, which leads to hating everything. Take how those who’ve spent four minutes paying attention to patterns have to explain why freaking socialism doesn’t work, which is a sign things are going well

While giving remedial lessons on how history and humanity have unfolded is amusing in its way, fans of being left alone could use a break from explaining why everything Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez holds would reverse what we have. If she gets her twisted way, we’ll have as much free time as she dreams.

Modern life features people so thankful that they think the wrong side won the Cold War. Just kidding: neo-Marxists don’t know what the Cold War is. They would need continual reminders of the direction of Berlin Wall-hoppers if they did, so break lessons into tweet-sized bites.

Who could deny that government has schemed prosperity into existence? Except every time? Confident socialists think they just unearthed evidence that ice cream is healthy. Telling the world it tastes good is part of the process of discovery. They want to make citizens eat it by law, the difference being there are no decadent treats in people’s republics. Central organizing is the most effective weight loss plan. Enjoy your ice chips.

Claiming to help others is just one of the ways socialists make sure you know who deserves credit. Sure, it’s not by employing their fellow humans or letting them figure out how to use ingenuity in order to thrive. But the concern is deep. If your life is based in hypotheticals, you’ve already helped your brothers and sisters just by believing you’re doing so.

Still, punishing those who succeed isn’t as useful as you’d think. Wondering where the jobs went is a practical concern not felt by those obsessed with the theoretical. It’s hard to pay employees when so much is confiscated. Man, why is there so little investment? We better raise taxes to compensate. Government helps its victims. Well, not really, but they try really hard, and intentions are what compassion means.

As how the definition of statism is as variable as Donald Trump’s spelling, we must be precise about what kind of delusion we mean. It’s important to determine whether those who want communal ownership of companies are as dang foolish as those who conflate utter control with any governmental action. You’re against socialism? So you don’t want roads? And you’d call the fire department if your residence burned, you silly hypocrite.

Both sides are guilty of acting like any cabinet agency’s existence turns America into Cambodia. I guess we could ease off a bit. Besides, hyperbole is unnecessary when even mild liberalism has horrid results. No, public schools aren’t the equivalent of socialism, although they are hellholes where whippersnappers learn that everything that fails actually leads to peaceful happiness. Naturally, an example of shoddy public service portrays same as swell.

A couple blasted minutes reviewing commonplace horrors caused by surrendering autonomy would serve as actual history. Instead, teachers who bitch about never siphoning enough taxpayer cash invent new definitions of words. Distorting whatever actually happened is normal for lunatics who think only Washington can help people and nobody can see a doctor without a congressman’s permission.

It must be fun to not know anything about how the world functions. Each day is a chance to learn new things. A world filled with discovery would be more entertaining were the subjects able to retain information. The novelty wears off even if we’re only teasing.

As it stands, we have to have to explain how human nature works on a schedule. Talking to pinkos like they’re puppies learning to not climb on the couch seems condescending. But they’re the ones explaining how the government, the goddamn government, will spur human evolution.

The next step for our species will spur us into eternal bliss only if we’re selfless enough to let it happen. It works in our place, as we’ll be free to loaf thanks to subsidies of billionaires we hate more than Hitler if he misgendered Caitlyn Jenner.

It’s time to selflessly hand over what you make to help everyone else. Massive taxes are for everyone making more than you. They’re the greedy ones hoping to keep what they’ve been paid. Copying East Germany shows everyone but you hates to share.

The sort of people who think society will thrive after removing the incentive to please other parties are the worst ones to entrust with our decisions. They can’t do anything useful with their own lives. But that’s only because they’re so focused on developing dreams to make life beautiful. What factors would they not account for with their deep knowledge of life?

People so unskilled that they had to get federal work think they know best. The best argument against socialism is socialists.

Filthy Rich Tomorrow

Posted on by Anthony Bialy

Our government is going to double your cash out of pure benevolence. You don’t get to decline this amazing investment opportunity. But why would you? Only a liberty-loving fool would not be interested in getting rich quick, and your government exists to guide you into wholly legitimate opportunities for prosperity that you wouldn’t have the sense to fund on your own.

Endless wealth without toil is not a scheme this time unlike all those other occasions, as we have smartened up and learned from the last attempts to collect payments. Leftists who resent how rich corporation owners are compared to their workers call everyone else jealous. They don’t even try buying the right stocks. Shady plans are legal once the government endorses them. An imprimatur changes everything. Ponzi was an amateur.

A ridiculous hourly wage is the next-best thing to getting a check for not working. Demanding a high starting salary is a sure sign you hired someone who’s going to toil relentlessly.

Those filling gaps for robotic workers wonder why they don’t advance into management while protesting in front of their places of employment. The delightfully cheery entitlement of someone who thinks they’re owed something for being hired explains why your burger is always tainted by pickles despite your polite request.

Forget earning a raise: politicians work hard to ensure you don’t have to exert, depending on your definition of sweating. Sure, seeing work as the goal itself instead of as a byproduct of having useful tasks to complete ensures job loss. But it feels like you’re getting more. Artificial payment inflation is the perfect example of not thinking ahead which embodies the solid planning of those so convinced they know how to create wealth that they’ve never wasted talents running a company.

What is a job? Don’t ask a Democrat. You’ll hear seductive yet costly ideas about an obligation to provide for someone else, which is certain to create happy prosperity. Treating someone who offers employment as a villain for not offering what Bernie Sanders decides is a living wage is sure to make them want to continue.

Don’t fret about what happens when businesses get fed up, as we just need a law against decisions. Wholesale ignorance of human nature is their policy, so really commit to it. Nobody in support can figure out why they’re poor.

Negotiation between two parties for compensation sounds like even more work. Those who call themselves underpaid by law don’t grasp that they have power in the relationship, which is the same reason why they demand government restricts one of the transaction’s sides.

There are no guarantees in life regardless of what laws supposedly soften reality’s soft edges. Take how many arrogant diploma recipients have not gotten smarter after completing 120 credits. Free college isn’t for economics majors unless you get the same degree as Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. Her mortifying diploma is worth less than the paper it’s printed on, which is a preview of what she’d do to money.

Meanwhile, medical school graduates inadvertently teach about economics. Health care is costly precisely because nobody gets billed directly. I’m sure using Washington’s credit card will lessen prices.

Some truly happy individuals wouldn’t be pleased with affordability of a product they’ve righteously decided is a right. Making someone else provide a service is banned by the 13thAmendment, but that whole Constitution thing is outdated. Health crusaders are resentful about the cost of saving life, which is the truest sign of gratitude.

Paying for the most important service of all is demonized the most. The skill and equipment it takes to save a life is taken for granted, as there’s nothing grateful like presuming the service must be provided. Pretending that charging the government means something’s free makes everything a ripoff. Not seeing a bill doesn’t create affordability any more than ginseng will cure your ills.

Free is sure expensive. The astronomic cost for those who bother to look at insurance bills is not just something to giggle about out of relief. Billing those using services would get treatments closer to affordable. But then they wouldn’t be fake free.

Removing consumers from prices makes life more costly, if you can believe it. The unwillingness to treat health care as a commodity is precisely why it’s making us broke. People should be willing to give every dime they have to stay alive. Thanks to statist medicine, getting relieved of all your funds becomes ever more likely.

Preposterous schemes to dodge payments makes everything more costly. Billing those Wall Street villains feels like Oceania trying to win a war. The practical effects are the only thing as bad as legal thievery. It’s not like those rich bastards pay everyone else. In those exploitative situations, one must work to be compensated, which perpetrates life’s most fiendish cruelty.

By contrast, you’re totally getting away with something by billing an unrelated successful party for the services you use. Nobody can solve the mystery of why there’s no money in the first place. Pay Encyclopedia Brown a quarter to find out.

Anyone who thinks the economy is social is eying your wallet. Master planners do everything they can to drain cash from the collective. Meanwhile, you’ll be called selfish for wanting to retain what you’ve received.

Sanctimonious campaigners wonder why life is so expensive. They’re too busy rationally railing against corporate greed to consider how warping interactions between buyers and sellers caused the very problems they claim will be solved with the next round of subsidies. We’re just a step away from becoming the rich people we hate.

Dissent Denied

Posted on by Anthony Bialy

Tolerance is fine up until someone thinks differently. The audacity of dissent cannot be permitted if we’re all to get along. The purportedly open-minded justify excluding anyone contrarian by proclaiming those mean jerks don’t accept others. It’s the closest they come to cleverness. Anyone to the Shining Path’s right is a transphobic Hitler who doesn’t reuse plastic bags.

You only care if you agree with sticking everyone in the care of our compassionate and efficient capital. If you noticed such purported assistance fails every damn time it tries, you’re one of the haters. It’s too bad every alternative lacks compassion, but that sure is uncanny.

Vague rumors about some menacing Constitution that encourages us to fix it ourselves must be squashed. Unity is the only way to perfect progress. Alternately, the millionth catastrophic failure will prompt anyone paying attention to doubt the salubrious effects of elected messianic dolts deciding what’s best for us. Their preposterous schemes are against the rules, but at least they’re harmful.

It’s strange that a political party would favor dead babies. Take the smirking idiocy embodied by claiming conservatives are pro-life until a baby is born. Why are you not paying to raise another family’s child?

You don’t back lousy addictive welfare state handouts which keep families impoverished, which means you want ragamuffins to suffer. The welfare state is the only way to help, according to humans who prefer to think free will doesn’t exist.

How many unwanted babies have you taken in, hypocrite? Forget how those actually squeezing out brats should be the ones who accept responsibility. Handouts treat adults with infants like infants. Those favoring responsibility don’t have to fix the world’s problems. In fact, they think you’re capable. Or, you must arrest felons personally to be anti-crime.

You have some nerve opposing a lifetime on the dole for babies who were never aborted. The horrors of a life where you have to be responsible enough to raise a child just because you had one are too much to bear. Who wants to bring a kid into a world where he’ll have to grow up?

Why you want sick people to go without insurance is something you’ll have to explain to Satan. There’s no other way to acquire health care, even through selling your soul. The government that brought Medicare into existence is sure to get a good deal from Lucifer.

It’s not like there’s an eternal record of federal agencies being rotten at caring for people. Getting your own things means decent choices at better prices. The lack of a worthless promise is a feature of not allegedly having coverage for all.

Buying a commodity from businesses competing for you makes it affordable to the point where there’s enough left over to donate to those commercials for hospitals helping sick kids that almost make you cry in front of your fantasy football league. But don’t bills get expensive? And helping others voluntarily will never happen, claim those who never do so.

I hope we can be cured by promises. It’s mean and scary to make people care for themselves according to people who really get how reality works. Guaranteeing makes it worse. That itself is the only valid guarantee. It’s like these marks have never dealt with mattress salesmen before. The inability to turn down Washington’s services is surely a sign customers would patronize on their own.

Alcoholics who drink beer need gin to be cured. Mandates ruin everything, which must in turn be fixed with legislative do-overs. The government incentivizes getting insurance through work, which means customers don’t see prices. We better socialize to compensate. And subsidies and grants made tuition skyrocket, so it’s time to excuse student debt. Students learned quite a bit about consequences while earning 120 credits.

Next, Social Security bankrupts the nation in so geezers can get pittances in exchange for fortunes paid in, which will be covered by those evil Wall Street goons. Emmanuel Goldstein is a broker.

I’m sure not tired of being lectured about not caring as if the left’s way is the only path to compassion. There will be no alternatives suggested in that famous open-minded way only the sympathetic can manage.

You will be cancelled if you note how many programs designed to repair a fractured world take a drill to tectonic plates. Observers can see monumental governmental failures happening in real time, and yet those who profess allegiance to science refuse to note the results of experiments.

Why did you ruin government perfection by preventing proper funding? The next trillion would’ve brought us joyous peace. We always need to try spending more, which is a remarkably convenient excuse. Napalm will only extinguish blazes if you use enough of it.

Increasingly ridiculous excuses for ceaseless failure are offered by those who also think anyone for trusting markets is a soulless demon. Don’t screw up everything if you’re accusing everyone else of screwing up.

Utopia Nope

Posted on by Anthony Bialy

The next rich-soaking will make this mean liberty-based nation as serenely prosperous as East Berlin. Alternately, those who note we not only have a Constitution but that we should obey it picture villages planned out by Ayn Rand. Sidewalks go wherever there’s rational selfish interest to stroll.

The respective utopias envisioned by each side may not quite be obtainable. But one dream is closer to achievable, even if it’s unlikely on account of having to work and pay bills. The catch is not acknowledged by the buy none get one free side.

One economic philosophy is so cruel that it involves buying what you use. Unlimited complimentary items are just a wise Congress away. Economic nerds call to make debt disappear with a Thanos snap. They think like children, only more demanding while throwing tantrums.

You claim you know how the economy works yet aren’t bright enough to proclaim goods should be free. Buying things is dumb when you can not buy them. Legalized shoplifting increases profits: all the money saved goes straight back into purchases! You surely can’t spot a catch.

The present tax rate is too high and will remain so after it’s cut like me at childhood sports. Which rate? Yes. Liberals claim every solution by their counterparts involves paying less to the government. Damn straight it does. Washington should have to sell what they’ve plundered on Craigslist to pay the ridiculous bills they’ve racked up. Your confiscatory overlords have already taken enough to fund an empire, which they used to create debt.

You’ve got some nerve letting earners keep more. Critics who assure us mass death will follow the slightest cut forget to note prosperity will follow, as the side uninterested in consequences forgets they’re dealing with humans.

The downside isn’t that down, as quality will spike once that annoying Washington middleman is put out of business. You will have to acquire your own things. Yes, that may mean getting a job unless you’re a congressman who moans about how nobody else can get rich.

Who will fund pretty things except those who like looking at them? Cultural activities might not be propped up by the state anymore. But you can decide which paintings you want to see. Admission counts as voting. You’d never think to fund galleries, which is why we need massive taxes to pay for artistic messages. Now, that’s what the First Amendment is about.

You’d think liberals would adore state governments, as they allow for another layer of hassling closer to home. But several of the ruling apparatuses stubbornly refuse to confiscate any dollars hoarded by greedy individuals who managed to evade an otherwise wholly efficient federal administration. States are competing against each other if you want to know why federalism is as loathsome to Democrats as you choosing which school your children attend.

Note who loathes anything featuring options. Illinois wishes they could tax a project to cloak North Dakota. Cook County would screw up the calculations. Audacious businesses shifting area codes are the bane of progressive paradises. Can’t we have laws against relocation for revenue’s sake? Until then, building a wall at New York’s border high enough to prohibit escaping to Florida is the only way to achieve prosperity.

Paying less to Washington means paying more to employees. You’re not greedy enough to withhold raises, are you? The factory owner the next town over will keep you honest as he competes for the same workers.

Anyone with money is free by our understanding of law to buy stuff, which I’ve been told enhances the economy. The ability to fund what we choose surprises those who think there’s a magical multiplying factor when government hands out what it’s taken.

The most enlightened members of our species call others selfish for wanting to keep what they received in return for work. It’s not like there are practical benefits of not taking what someone else earned. You dare dream of buying stocks in companies that bring us products and employ people. If everyone gets something out of it, who’s being exploited?

Defiance of arithmetic hasn’t worked yet, but only because we haven’t expressed enough faith. Trust that Elizabeth Warren has a clue, and her delicate planning will become reality. At least, that’s what self-identified prophets proclaim. Believers haven’t managed to notice how politicians with no profit motive other than buying votes reduces investments like Comedy Central inhibits laughter.

Taxpayers may have noticed those who are supposed to be in charge of cops and paving roads have taken it upon themselves to manage your calendar. If that sounds like Heaven, I’ll take Satan and his superior rock music.

Woke Broke

Posted on by Anthony Bialy

Not every wall is evil like the one preserving a border. Take that beauty they used to have in Berlin that preserved culture and unity. It kept selfish taxpayers from neglecting to fund the collective, too. Why did capitalist oppressors ever tear down that vertical surface of togetherness?

Suggest we should build walls to keep evil rich villains and diabolical corporations from fleeing as they had in the fair Germany, and every Democratic presidential hopeful would endorse it tomorrow. Leftist lunacy is contagious like a zombie outbreak. The Walking Dead isn’t dull enough already.

Americans defeated a king and every version of mandatory sharing only for very grateful citizens to proclaim money belongs to everyone. Astute comrades who noticed get an extra cash ration for being visionary enough to lead us into cooperative wealth. Never mind that the very system they claim enables oppressive bigotry against the poor enables moping in comfort, as there’s a utopia to construct. Gratitude is for Chick-fil-A patrons.

The competition to see which Democratic faction can condemn American values the loudest doesn’t have winners. Sure, some sort-of lucky competitor will get to put off real work by seizing the nomination. But the poor winner will never be sufficiently committed to the cause of shrill revolution. They feed people to alligators then wonder why their limbs get chewed on next.

The party of respectable opposition is dragged into the leftward ditch by utterly sensible politicians who know the key to defeating coarse orangutan Donald Trump is scoffing at the Constitution which has enabled unrivaled prosperity.

Making the government the only insurance provider while abolishing its ability to point out our border is completely backward. But everyone’s now tolerant and enlightened unlike those founder creeps who didn’t even lament they could only tax corporations 100 percent. Reality only seems resistant to the limitations of mathematics because you don’t believe strongly enough in the power of imagination.

Don’t you dare call those who think America is an oppressive open sewer of secret swastika values unpatriotic. Wanting to change everything about a country is how you love it. Happy marriages result from the same principle.

Fighting individuality starts with removing its rotten symbols. Our flag is now bad in one of those unfortunate moments where one resentful dope resets the Party of Carter’s radical agenda like a light switch.

Demonizing all-time American seamstress Betsy Ross would have been parodic way back in the innocent days of 2018. The independence which allowed them to pout ungratefully without consequence well over two centuries later somehow isn’t appreciated.

If you don’t believe Democrats are capable of rapid change, watch how quickly they indulge in pandering. Their new hobby is tipping into maniacal beliefs as quickly as they do easily. A particularly committed freedom-fighter could announce, say, George Washington is a racist gun-owning defender of corporate interests, and every Democratic candidate would agree the next day. They’d burn dollar bills to prove it, although of course not their own.

There’s quite a bit of exclusion for what’s supposedly social media. Modern war wagers are tolerantly working to silence anyone who thinks James Bond is already a defined character. Letting a hateful commie Vox stooge decide what speech is acceptable is sure to encourage open dialogue. Social justice lunatics have to stop Nazis, whom they define as anyone claiming Americans are overtaxed.

How far are Democrats teetering? Nancy Pelosi is the reasonable one. There’s never been a better example of how life is relative. A hateful statist most notable for inflicting mandatory crummy insurance on us is self-parodic about calling everything with which she disagrees bigoted. And she simply isn’t extreme enough for the woke dopes.

It couldn’t be that replacing autonomy with authority is a baleful concept from the start: we just have too much liberty left. Speaking of left, young Democrats who don’t seem to have accomplished much aside from winning elections in safe districts sure are frenzied in their Jonestown-style devotion.

That lightweight Pelosi is trying to keep Czechoslovakia from turning into Albania like a true enemy of the people. Refusing to commit dooms us to suffering from capitalist decadence. After all, not collectivizing enough money is why every liberal scheme fails.

Loathing the very things that allow them to holler about this nation’s fundamental unjustness really completes the scene. Personal hypocrisy makes demonizing wealth fun. Claiming it’s impossible to get rich sure is lucrative.

The right to not be bothered should be implied and is ignored. Don’t dare call those who think America is a racist hellhole of economic oppression unpatriotic. Remaining liberty fans are fine with contemporary commie demagogues indulging their daftest impulses, as it keeps elections competitive. The crude pickpockets can’t even pretend to unify Barack Obama-style, as calm arrogance is as rare a quality among liberals as earning. They’re all id no matter how egotistical they get.

Bumbling Rumble

Posted on by Anthony Bialy

Women’s wrestling champion of the world Andy Kaufman couldn’t have planned a more hilarious presidency. The problem is Donald Trump may be serious. All evidence indicates he truly believes he’s a heavyweight champion. McDonald’s makes reaching the division easy.

A slapfest between NBA players who’ve never thrown a combined punch in their lives doesn’t make for thrilling bouts. The unpleasant president squaring off against the repulsive media is the Iran-Iraq War of politics without the fun explosions.

Our tough guy executive spars with foes who couldn’t do a chin-up. It’s even in its way. Trump is Eric Cartman as the Coon attacking someone sitting in the park and pretending he stopped an assault.

The self-proclaimed top puncher won’t fight for real. Trump’s pattern of running his mouth when it was safe to talk tough only became clear about 30 years before he ran for the presidency. I’m sure there’s no reason to verify if someone’s as muscular as claimed, especially for a politician. The fact it took him so long to join the club is supposed to be an argument for him.

There are real victims of not backing up reputation. Hong Kong is getting shoved around by one of the globe’s most brutish regimes, and Trump will gallantly fight back by slapping tariffs on them someday, too.

Making Americans pay more for Chinese goods will really teach us a lesson. At least Obamacare still hasn’t been repealed. Plus, the tough bastard bravely refuses to do anything about entitlements that’ll doom those who weren’t born Fred Trump’s son.

Ignoring a problem makes it disappear according to an inspirational leader. You’d think the best businessman ever would be able to diagnose an awful deal and sell Americans on saving for their own retirements instead of letting an entity connected to Nancy Pelosi squander it. And it took true bravery to start bitching about the wall as soon as his ostensible party was in the congressional minority.

Moaning about injustice is sure to remedy it. Of course the media’s comprised of pathetic shills for the losing side of the Cold War. The profession teems with self-styled intellectuals who are so stupid that they majored in journalism. But it’s something to not let ruin one’s perception.

Adults presume life’s unfair in general and in this case particularly. Stenographer pinkos are so consumed with changing the world they forget to do their actual tasks, which involve recording what interesting people do. So, do good work and let voters see that instead of the improper classification. Trump considers bitching part of his job.

The embarrassment of whining that people are mean to you should have sunk in by sophomore year of high school. Humans should expect teasing, especially those in particular who become Earth’s most powerful person. Pouting is undignified for any adult, especially one with this job. Even more so, an executive who’s spent a lifetime spent lucking into promotions naturally doesn’t feel grateful. Trump is technically presidential.

But what about not throwing tantrums? The sort of people who believed Mitt Romney was out to ban tampons still wonder how they ended up with Donald freaking Trump. Either way, we end up with liberals who think every Republican is a murderous demonic racist out to cancel lovely insurance for personal amusement. Elizabeth Warren could switch parties like she tried with ethnicities, and suddenly she’d be a heartless orphan-kicker.

Has anyone been convinced by a Trump tweet? Even the moments where he pleasantly surprises by uttering something correct don’t change minds. Take how he supposedly imposed a Muslim ban did just that except for the part how it didn’t ban Muslims. Nobody was swayed by his shrieking about unfair coverage. George W. Bush wouldn’t have kvetched and gotten the same result. But he fights!

An aggrieved leader’s kvetching has convinced precisely zero voters. His fervent cultists treat anything he utters as prophecy as self-appointed enemies won’t hear him out on the rare occasion he’s accurate. The undercard is similarly dull.

Battling for truth would be easier if his grasp on reality were more than tenuous. Trump is so busy explaining how everyone against him is a mean bully that he doesn’t have time to research his claims. They’re undoubtedly winners.

Write off the idiots. There are always going to be suckers. On top of that, the most deluded are convinced everyone else is gullible. Pompous dolts who think they’re informed after skimming a headline or hearing Jimmy Kimmel’s enthralling take on compassion aren’t going to be convinced by Trump’s truculence.

The real answer to the question of media bias lies in winning the culture. Fight the problem at the source instead of waiting for it to pollute all the way downstream. We’ve forgot Andrew Breitbart’s lessons, which is unfortunately easy to do considering the site with his name on it degenerated into a doughy pale pride site.

Do what’s right and trust truth to win out. It’s tough when mendacious zombies slime you. But if the media truly bites it as much as suspected, the one way to not help is sinking to their level. Whining others are being unfair is as undignified as it is ineffective.

You’d think a president concerned about fake news be worried about accuracy himself. That doesn’t exonerate his target. The mendacious press shrieking at an exhausting president is what would happen if the Red Sox could play the Patriots. You don’t have to align with either group of fiendish ghouls.

Are you genuflecting to a blithering phony or do you want the socialists to burn the Constitution with a lit flag? The lame binary choice applied to everything just makes a supposed brawl that much more of a letdown. Use your nails!

Focus on World Outside Politics, After This Column

Posted on by Anthony Bialy

Nothing irritates a politician like solving your own problems. They hate the precedent. The thing that impedes life the most is going to make everything wonderful. Sickos who deep down enjoy being punished for existing want the cloddish entity specifically restricted by law to control lives with laws. Why is happiness so elusive?

I beg you to stop thinking about politics, at least for 35 minutes per day. Letting the worst part of life dominate it may not be a sure way to encourage blessings to rain down upon us. You might call someone who cuts you off in traffic a horse’s ass. Obsessing about it is like letting that bastard motorist knock groceries out of your hand and unplug your charging phone.

Letting Satan’s favorite vessel play a huge role in your life is doing his bidding. Lucifer is a senator at heart giving a monologue at a committee hearing disguised as a question.

Ceaseless focus on politics helps one particular side that both parties sadly tend to find sympathetic. It’s inherently liberal to be interested in what Washington’s devilish minions are scheming to inflict upon us for our own good.

The presumption that a monolithic demon as uncaring as it is clumsy should play a huge role has added so much. Unfortunately, debt and dependency aren’t helpful things to create. Noticing everything sucks is actually a curse if you think you’ll improve it.

Experience indicates it’s merely a matter of how stupid life will get. Liberals who boast of being reality-based believe federal action can remedy ordinary challenges. By doing so, they make everything worse, which keeps the government they adore busy.

Some particularly obsessive amateur political junkies are ready to fume before brushing their teeth. There’s a more important mission to the world than fighting cavities, namely letting the president know he’s a dumb jerk as soon as eyes open every morning.

Waking up and wondering what awful thing Trump did overnight is a sure sign of fantastic mental health. Blame him for constant sputtering anger to really get the point. Professional tweet repliers are already scowling as they stab desperately until their phones are within reach. Jeez, focus attention on checking your ex’s Instagram.

Unseemly obsession extends to preparing to defend him, too. The noblest knights check what His Majesty did after they have swung into action. Their king’s frequent bouts with Mister Dictionary don’t dissuade them from thinking the only thing of which he’s incapable is error. Indignity aimed at anyone who would dare question a human they perceive as infallible is one version of loyalty.

The sort of people who scold those insufficiently praising rather flawed politicians is an appalling bipartisan trend. But it’s purported conservatives who should feel most ashamed. The only thing they’re supposed to hate more than government are those who beg for more than half the votes in order to be part of it. Instead, those allegedly devoted to constitutional fidelity found a hero to let make their decisions for them.

Groveling before a president isn’t just for pathetic statists anymore. Explaining why virile Trump embodied masculinity by hoodwinking Mexico doesn’t even require checking the results. Well, the words are nice. Even that’s actually untrue, as the executive sounds like a kindergartener angry about a far-off nap, but at least his boasts are theoretically pleasant.

The only problem is the doing part. You never have to verify in the private sector or anything. A flimflam man who convinced enough marks that he was a success by slapping his name on any tacky product within reach demonstrates salesmanship in his way.

At least be conscious of self-loathing. I write about current events and hate it. The way we’re ruled is the one thing I might hate more than Tom Brady’s jewelry. Some of us masochistic freaks may be tired of caring about something so miserable. Complaints are with reality. The only legitimate reason to pay attention to politics is to reduce its role in lives that are miserable enough without the Commerce Department’s help.

I’m a crazy dreamer who wants to forget we’re ruled during everyday life. Is it okay to imagine like John Lennon if I want the exact opposite to happen of a song worse than any of Yoko’s? Instead of communally organizing to bring utopia into being this congressional term, I hope for politicians so insignificant that you forget who to hate. The downside to such a beautiful vision is also what makes it possible, namely that we have to work on our own to make it so.

They’ll need help to stop trying to help. Our self-appointed shepherds are not going to reduce power on their own. Those upon whom they afflict assistance have to make sure they know how much they’re despised.

Toiling against active government is an active process. But preemptive effort beats being told how to spend. Celebrating Christmas on Trump’s birthday does not keep him accountable. It’s insubordinate to suggest he would ever need questioning. Do you even believe in divine right?

Nationalism and Isn’t

Posted on by Anthony Bialy

You don’t have to brag constantly if what you offer is so great. That goes for purported business empires and established countries. We probably shouldn’t tip off those with such obvious tells, but it’s always fun to embarrass the vain.

On an America-sized scale, nationalism is how those who don’t appreciate this country’s principles claim they like this place more than anyone else. Don’t make it a competition, as they assure you their devotion is unparalleled. The restaurant bills itself as famous, which famous restaurants don’t have to do.

Oh: you don’t like this country, comrade? Binary thinking is a reflection of our sophisticated times. The call for vigorous federal action to advance conservatism is tiresomely brutish in the typical manner of those who presume their schemes are the only worthwhile possibility.

The only way arrogance can get worse is when it’s unearned. Protections are unnecessary for those who generate good products, which our subtle friends can’t imagine as a viewpoint. How could we turn down heroic shielding from our great and good president?

Nationalism means cheering for your team without realizing why. Such rabid fans are always the most contemplative. America is great precisely because it doesn’t need a hype man. In the same way, the country became the best via minimizing government. But it turns out some who risibly self-identify as conservatives just wanted a bully from their lunch table.

Doing what’s best for your country means interacting with other ones. Buy Belgium’s things if they offer something decent. You’re just making yours worse by not trading with others. Why does America need protection from competition if it’s so swell? Now, that’s a lot of trust in a quality product. Shelley Levene will never make that sale.

Integrity is found in those who check the president’s tweets before they decide what’s biblical truth today. Being a producer sounds fun. The Fox News devotion to lunacy during this daft presidency is most irritating because Democrats who’ve bitched about the channel since its inception now have a point. Worshiping the most liberal Republican since Richard Nixon is one way to demonstrate evenhandedness.

Insults develop in surprising ways, if you’ve been too basic to notice. Take how no linguistics professor could’ve predicted how “globalist” would refer disparagingly to someone out to trade with others. Laura Ingraham can fill an hour with a lunatic conspiracy about letting shady foreigners dominate our politics, which is sort-of a skill.

We used to worry that social media would give unhinged maniacs an unfiltered platform. Now, the primetime hosts sound like their fans with 37 followers and closeups of Trump paintings as avatars.

Let the smoker do the work instead of opening the door to fiddle with the meat chunk you’re planning to dine on in six hours. All that escaped heat is why your pork shoulder turned out tough. The lack of trust is inherent to the insecure. Knowing superior products will triumph is part of craftsmanship. It may be tough to remain indifferent while seeing those on your side cope with competition. But a willingness to let consumers decide is the exact inaction that spurs prosperity.

At least this annoying era lets us see who doesn’t think America can compete without protections. Panicky tariffs ruin what makes us special to keep us special. So, quit it with the self-defeating behavior. It’s your loss if you don’t buy our awesome stuff. China can keep dumping products if they foolishly think subsidizing cheap products for us is going to defeat our economy. Did I mention their language doesn’t have a name for the ring finger?

Zealousness about misguided principles is sure to work out well. Dogmatism makes political discussions extra fun during a time when the obsession with defending the president is as relentless as the effort to malign him. These two charges unfortunately don’t cancel each other out. A petty president with lame insults for targets he should ignore is apparently the paragon of masculinity. Nope: nobody here is overcompensating.

This country doesn’t need such help. The patronizing attitude toward a country nationalists supposedly love is especially galling considering their drive to insulate from the bogeyman of commerce stands in contrast to everything America represents. Who’d think unpleasant wide-eyed lunkheads acting on Tucker Carlson’s primly dismissive behalf wouldn’t know what they’re talking about?

I wish the black glass and tacky gold highlights weren’t the only thing Trump left in the past. The desire to spend what’s ours on our behalf sure is kindhearted. We don’t need a messiah shepherding us from the iniquity of icky different countries. Let Second World hellholes invest faith in self-announced strongmen, as we trust free citizens here.

The mindless push to start unnecessary fights with trade partners isn’t quite improving our lot. Please protect us from options. Thinking federal meddling is what makes America great constitutes unnecessary boasting for the wrong reasons. Nationalism is perfect for this presidency.

Bad Faith, Worse Results

Posted on by Anthony Bialy

Presuming the worst about anyone who disagrees is the surest way to avoid ever treating those heinous bastards like humans. Everyone is super-pleasant to each other while explaining why the inhuman wretches who disagree should be banned and banished.

The intolerant side must be loathed because self-awareness is overrated. Those who trust individuals to make their own decisions are society’s vilest brutes. Noticing we have a Constitution that should be heeded for good reason isn’t on the list of hate crimes because the Kochs know who to bribe.

Kind and decent liberals could admit that others just happen to disagree, but such subtleties make debates boring and would lead to treating political foes as deserving to exist. Demonizing makes it much easier to crusade against difficult types who insist taxes make workers unmotivated.

Everyone who disagrees thinks like a slaveowner, which is especially unpleasant in these supposedly advanced times. Take how abortion foes want to control women’s bodies, as that sick desire is the only justification for such a position. It couldn’t be they noticed there’s a baby growing inside. The assumption that contempt for women leads to a desire for subjugation is held by those who think the other side is full of miserable ghouls.

You shouldn’t hope kids die, as it’s rude. The standard sick pro-choice burn that conservatives only care about the unborn disregards how decades of central planning have doomed generations to poverty. Their patronizing zeal to presume wealth needs to be redistributed by authorities has been a big success except for the success part.

Meanwhile, defending the right to pack heat is portrayed as a lust for blood by those who don’t know what a Chicago is. People without records have a figurative right to defend themselves and have shown why they’re to be trusted in a practical sense, too: crime has plummeted as the right to carry has been confirmed by lawmakers and judges. But that’s just another way of saying the gun lobby oils their death products with the blood of innocents.

Acting like rights are a tradeoff is a sure way to appreciate them. In actuality, it’s taking them away that endangers us. Bans only stop those who obey them, which means those inclined to commit felonies merely have one more fun restriction to break.

You could point out that it’s only easier for the law-abiding to get guns easier in locales with lax controls. By contrast, murders seem to be uncannily frequent in areas where it’s supposedly impossible to find a device with which to commit them. But I still urge for guns to be banned until we contain the evil specters who enchant them.

Conservatives want the underprivileged to suffer because it amuses them. Why else could someone oppose letting a cruel and stupid government waste what it confiscates while doling out subpar assistance to those they get hooked on it? It’s not like a person could ever earn a raise or help others by spending what’s earned. Meanwhile, forces of compassion love the poor so much that they drag down the economy to create more of them.

Those out to silence disagreement call themselves tolerant. Don’t giggle. Blessed guardians have to live with the curse of knowing everyone but them is evil, which is how they justify tolerating only those who agree entirely with them. That mental gymnastics routine is as clever as they get, as they don’t have enough energy to also think of wise policies. There’s another consequence of believing life is a zero-sum game. The presumption that only they themselves care contributes so much to our cheery political environment.

Being told you want the poor to be poorer is why liberals are so fun to debate. You lose because you are awfully evil. Everyone loses when Democratic policies are enacted, including by Republicans. Both sides uniting to spend what’s yours without providing receipts illustrates the downside of bipartisanship. Please stop helping, as the pain is overwhelming.

The real argument should be over how to perceive fellow people. Policy debates should be over even though we politely allow them to continue. How many more times do your leaders need to take what’s yours to prove it’ll be squandered? A commitment to incorrectness is part of what defines our species, although some abuse the privilege.

Gently note the autocratic-minded are misguided for thinking centralized decision-making benefits individuals. Don’t be tempted to respond angrily as you’re called a vicious assaulter of virtue who wants to profit off misery. And why do you hate paper straws, ocean-puncher?

Those who disregard evidence of failure every time their preposterous schemes are foolishly attempted think you’re full of malice. We’ve been told they believe in science, as if a process is an ideology. Meanwhile, what liberals believe inflicts poverty and bloodshed in remarkably consistent experiments.

Strive to be kind enough to think they’re just unwilling to pay attention to the news they obsessively track. Watch MSNBC all day to end up dumber than the day before. The best way to distract from failure is to accuse everyone who told you it’d happen of sabotage.