Alphabetized Males

Any restaurant billing itself as world-famous isn’t.  On a related note, purported alpha males totally aren’t overcompensating for insecurity.  Announce something clearly evident just to confirm.  Prove you’re a leader of men by adulating one guy for whom you were lucky enough to vote.  Try to be subtle about sniffing the crotch.

Our president has spent decades crafting an imitation of what a rugged tough guy is supposed to be like, which we should hope our enemies don’t realize.  Donald Trump is so fake in his assertiveness that it’s embarrassing, which should be the most obvious thing ever said about politics.  Does anyone think this is for real?

A convincing con just takes a commitment to blatantness.  To be fair, he’s only been this way his entire adult life, so why would anyone notice just yet?  Please feel welcome in our world, where a craftily-framed Snapchat can make your horrifying life seem fun.

Trump’s sensitive feelings are news to those who fantasize about leaving the Republican Party because everyone else is mean to him.  He commandeered the party like a true alpha dog.  Sure, he’s flailed while whining about these dang checks and balances that someone really should have informed him about before he started winning primaries.  But he’s just afraid you won’t like him, so maybe sit with him at lunch and try to get to know him.

Or, just write him off as a jerk.  Any amateur remotely interested in psychology could’ve pointed out the preening decades ago.  Slapping his name on everything, in gold if possible, is surely a sign of someone as happy as he is healthy.  And bonking as many women as possible who look like they dated Hugh Hefner in 1987 is quite secure.  We should remain impressed by bedding porn stars, especially while keeping a wife waiting.

Who needs church?  Pray in front of the White House.  It’s hard to separate government and religion when government is your religion. At least one party used to pretend to not worship in Washington.  But self-professed tough guys speak of a rather mortifying term-filler as savior. They reverently whisper of how he didn’t need to be president but selflessly took Earth’s most powerful job to redeem us.  If that’s not loud enough, look for paintings of him heroically staring into the distance as their Twitter header photos.

Life seems really pleasant thanks to the prevalence of thinking jerkiness pays off.  I agree that being born into wealth and profession is the way to go, so be really rude about those who didn’t try it.  If you think Trump’s attitude creates success, don’t check any of his boasts.  Actually doing it is the hard part, so give our poor executive a break.  You try making people enjoy throwing away money at blackjack tables in Atlantic City.

Neither reviving Herbert Hoover nor shtupping Playmates is Trump’s greatest offense.  Even worse, he’s giving credence to the horrifying idea that mouthy confrontation is effective.  That’s not what a bunch of raging faux brutes need to hear as advice.  It was wise of him to face Hillary, just as you should have found cable networks to prop you up.  Bluster is accomplishment in these fulfilling times.  Sure, there’s nothing brawny about mouthing off because someone else hurt your feelings.  But it’s nice to vent.

Not every Trump supporter uses him as a proxy for insecurities.  Many voters are far more practical than he claims to be.  Politics is nothing more than deciding who is marginally less contemptible. Those who think he was the less horrible option are accustomed to rolling their eyes over the latest sordid tale of bonking an ardent consumer of bleach and plastic while being glad for a tax cut.  You can appreciate the intermittent accomplishments without being impressed by his dedication to adultery.

Why not try a new hobby if the present one doesn’t bring joy?  Many people who try genital-swinging to relax seem to only grow more miserable.  Perhaps try acting like a rugged male instead of announcing it.  Those who think they’re proving they embody masculinity probably shouldn’t follow another guy with stars in their eyes.  That especially means not doing so for a politician and even more specifically this one.  The Manhattan real estate tycoon is one of you.


Attitude Adjustment

TrumpitudeIs demeanor important?  It’s a question common among those tired of the cussing at state dinners.  The president has plenty of attitude, which is why genie wishes have to be phrased delicately.  Old fogeys want him to seem presidential, at least in the traditional sense of the word.  Be careful about who you elect, as he gets to redefine the standard.

It’s tough to praise someone who kicks ankles in response to you smiling while waving.  Why won’t you let us love you?  The president’s ardent fans urge us to separate the shtick from the accomplishments.  Call it the Bill Clinton Standard, hopefully minus ignoring terrorism while getting hummers from zaftig interns.

Antics distract from yards gained.  Sports fans find it easy to forget that delicate loudmouth Odell Beckham Junior is good at catching footballs.  Similarly, Donald Trump’s flailing limbs distract from his achievements.  To be fair, he balances out good things like letting you keep more of your money with trade wars that devour the savings.

The president is using his bitchy temper to his advantage, according to same president.  He has it all planned out if the next 10 seconds counts.  I’m sure getting people to react to his insanity is totally by design.  He sure seems to contemplate every move.  Our incumbent inspires youths to stop thinking ahead, as it’ll just lead to some dull non-presidential career.

The only trouble with keeping it so real is topping oneself.  But our president is surely plotting even bigger surprises.  Trump will scare our enemies by eating his own shoe, which is the only prediction I feel comfortable making about next year.  His bold footwear gambit will aid his reelection, although he’ll mostly luck out when Democrats nominate Cynthia Nixon as his 2020 foe.

It’s beneficial to snip at everyone.  Or at least it better be, as we’d otherwise be sick of it all about seeing fellow humans as targets.  Snarling with the presumption that Earth deserves your snark really seems to spur happiness.  Did I mention I hate your guts?

To be fair to President Trumpitude, he might spur global peace if someone is caught off-guard by being flipped off.  The middle finger is only insulting in certain cultures, so Trump’s angry gesturing may confuse enough foes that they may not be prepared for his anger offensive. As a kid, did you have anyone in your neighborhood who was so obnoxious that you hung out with him just to shut him up?  That’s how fellow nations feel at least through 2020.  Dang, he’s gonna break their He-Man guys.

It remains to be seen whether acting rudely intimidated the Norks.  Shrewd observers know they must check results instead of just proclaiming things are better, which is one of those tricky things that’s nonetheless necessary.  Barack Obama is cool without confirming. But I don’t want to be too cynical about preferring events over promises.  Kim Jong-un has never been known to break a promise, so peace is on its way.

Feel free to note Trump had more birthdays than any other president at inauguration, as that doesn’t affect maturity.  Acting like he’s older than four is a big part of the job.  It’s true even if the president’s most ardent fans claim supermarket tantrums actually advance his agenda.  The worst part is if it’s true.

The nation shouldn’t have to brace when the head of state wrests his phone away from Kellyanne Conway.  Also, the president should know which words are and aren’t capitalized.  Bragging about his giant brain befits a precocious kindergartener.

It might be good to have someone who’s commander-in-chief not be provoked by trifling attacks.  Trump holds the sort of job where you may face criticism.  Some think his snarling means he handles it well.  America is guided by a 71-year-old who thinks toughness means calling anyone who dislikes him a low-energy loser.  How are our times going?  Many agree with him.

You know elections are going well when so many voters find the president’s whining about mean jerks who hurt his feelings refreshing.  It’s about time to learn there are always going to be critics, including many who are cruel.  Real class is ignoring the chatter and doing one’s job anyway.  Instead, a lack of dignity is now classified as heroic.  Get down to their level for effective brawling.  You’ll dominate the sewer.

Trump needs to act like an adult.  The need to note this about the president explains everything about 2018.  But what if he can be effective despite and perhaps because of chronic crankiness?  The only obstacle is the lack of results.  It turns out getting anything done is tough when you’re quietly proficient.  Forget coping with scowling.  Those who actually fell for his act have to pretend it helps.  It’s not going to help their outlook.

Always Never, Maybe

Believing in concepts may astound those who let a guy decide what they think.  I suppose that’s a principle in its way.  Yet some stubborn folks don’t even let a mouthy dreamboat lead dance steps.

We’ve had every chance to genuflect before a real man like real men.  The faded Never Trump notion nonetheless outlasted a fad and even that one election because concepts persevere regardless of popularity.

Adherence may seem tough when popularity is itself presented as an idea, but that just means more people who self-identify as worth avoiding.  Contemplating what it means to not support his candidacy deep into his second year may be for dorks.  It’s conservatives’ fault for sticking to thinking.

There are always different kinds of never.  Be sure to differentiate between the faction that knows which federal programs it loathes and the one out to prove they don’t obey one guy by disobeying everything he says.  Liberty fans don’t wish to associated with Washington Post clowns copying and pasting the Democratic Party platform into blog posts.  If your beliefs overlap with a typical Vox underling, you’re looking for a different club.

Get Trump to read an Obama speech just for the fascinating study of how much cadence matters.  The incumbent might enjoy it just to see how his minions will agree with literally anything he says.  I’d finally be entertained during this era of fealty to quasi-kings.  Principles stay the same regardless of associated names.  I hate the same stupid attempts to run our lives no matter who spews them.

You have to endorse either cancer or AIDS.  Some purported sophisticates claim there many choices that are not in fact binary.  But it’s little fun having to see multiple characteristics in single individuals.  How could one person be two things?  Your eggheaded sorcery treats humans as complex, and the White House tries to dissuade exterior egos.

Fight until the death of integrity.  The Fox News take on the world certainly seems to spread tremendous happiness, which we’ll enjoy once we stop throwing steak knives at each other.  You may notice there’s there’s one side presently being left out, which doesn’t seem fair.  But who wants to hear why something’s constitutional when there’s owning going on?  Liberals condemning tariffs because of who pimps them would be funnier if purported conservatives didn’t take the other side.

There is ample joy in acting as if we’ve been assigned teams, at least according to those who enjoy being directed.  Capriciousness makes each day exciting.  We’ve been blessed with a president who frequently detours from scripts, although he presumably stuck to his lines in Home Alone 2.  It almost seems as if there’s more to beliefs than checking which party tattoo you have.

I would never suggest that another faith’s central figure is capable of error.  It’s true whether it applies to Buddha, Joseph Smith, or whichever president has ascended into the Oval Office chair.  But our insolent boldness is designed to make him even more awesome.  A careful constitutional perusal indicates it’s legal to criticize any branch and may in fact add a bit of balance that coincides with the document’s spirit.  Separating church and state is a challenge when voting for someone who seems so messianic.

Even the biggest political religious kooks should want to hold their guy accountable, especially when the faith in question took 20 trillion dollars of involuntary contributions and turned it into kindling. It’s insubordinate of me to suggest the guy who thought the USFL could take on the NFL is capable of being incorrect.

I still call for the revolutionary notion of praising Trump depending on the issue.  If he’s having a rare bout with clarity, I cheer as much as I’m willing for a politician.  When he reverts to the default mode of oafish creeping authority, I’ll comfortably boo.  Wasn’t the whole point that he’s not an ideologue?  In that case, his fans should be happy to judge him from moment to moment.  He does the same depending on whoever praised him last.

There are outlets for those kneeling before Trump and those flipping him off if you worried the spectrum wasn’t spanned.  Astute political observers note everyone gets their say but government foes.  You may know them as conservatives.  It’s easy to forget a species that’s on the verge of extinction, although some of us are cute enough to star in manipulative commercials. We’re supposed to criticize him precisely because he’s a trainee. Trump’s omniscient except for everything he doesn’t know.

Unbalanced Unfairness

Conservatives are used to being unreasonably outnumbered in fights.  It’s natural to feel lonely by not wanting taxpayers to buy you things.  Who would be dumb enough to turn down free?  Using money is expensive, duh.

There are even more foes than usual lined up to punch those against unlimited complimentary goods.  Contemporary political debate features conservatives versus Republicans and Democrats.  It shouldn’t be surprising the parties have astoundingly similar reigning goals. The party that used to pretend to like free trade is forced to defend what is now presidential by definition.

Longtime Decepticon Donald Trump has brought the parties together even as they try to stab each other. Limited government adherents stuck in the middle absorb most of the wounds.

While keeping track is tough, it’s an honor to update one’s personal beliefs based on what the president thinks.  Conservatism is whatever Trump claims it is according to those who now claim a trade war is just what will encourage liberty.  They’re constantly updating their style books. Well, what do you think is a cool hobby?

Changing one’s beliefs based on what the president says may seem exhausting, but it is easier than thinking for oneself.  Why elect a dude if not for ease of conclusions?  He’s in the top office and is thus the best of humanity.  Trump seems like someone familiar with Thomas Sowell, so let him dictate.

Trump aficionados are helping liberals, and not just by pushing their stuff.  Presuming that a frequent Democrat is pimping their issues explains why so many alleged conservatives who support him seem cranky.

Like manners and principles, Fox News is just another thing lost in these bitchy times.  Presenting both sides now means asking if Trump is amazing versus if he’s also handsome.  Those of us who used to turn on the vaguely newsy entity as background noise have switched off propaganda while it’s still legal.  I’m grateful Sean Hannity has become so dedicated to fighting for his dreamboat, as it’s given me a chance to rediscover my music collection.  Man, Thin Lizzy should get Bon Jovi’s place in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame.

The president is awesome, and that’s the update.  Those who attempt to consume cable news find themselves distracted by all the hissing at subjects insolent enough to suggest the American president is capable of committing error.  Why can’t there be a guillotine for those monsters who think our leader could be wrong and thus want him and the country to fail?  Stay tuned for a fair and balanced debate.

The panel imbalance goes against everything the channel feigned programming.  Trump-loathing liberals clash with minions defending his every slur, and viewers aren’t excited for the outcome.  There’s one thing absent: people who think government is cloddish at everything.  The incumbent’s most zealous backers just wanted to be bossed around by someone whose pictures they cut out of newspapers for bedroom wall collages.

I wish it could be more amusing to see liberals not realize how much of their agenda has been embraced by a Republican they hate more than capitalism.  It could be worse: be glad they don’t grasp how much more they could get if they were able to suck it up and flatter their sworn enemy.  It’s like a Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan movie where they don’t realize they hate each other because they have so much in common.  They end up calling each other swear words to a Jimmy Durante song.

There’s never been so much contempt amongst people whose beliefs overlap so thoroughly.  Democrats are seemingly mad that much of their agenda has been embraced, and I don’t blame them.  Meanwhile, Trump fans bitch in the classy manner of their savior about demonized enemies who want about the same amount of federal money wasted.

Our punishment for existing is to be stuck in a reality show that marginalizes dissent. Trump should recognize the cunning strategy.  After all, it’s how he became famous and was nominated.  Present government could get so much done, which is one of those curses you never recognize as such until it’s too late.

In an era when math has been demoted, it’s time for hooch stronger than 200 proof.  Those who remember we have a Constitution need something stronger than grain alcohol to tune out the ceaseless bickering. Both sides argue over who is better at ruling Americans.  People who think the government should go compel itself don’t have a voice.  But there must be punishment for the unwillingness to boss.  Those who refuse to shout apparently don’t deserve to be heard.

There has to be more to defining oneself than being proud of who hates you. Those who stand against you are irrational, right?  Well, then don’t let them define you.  Factions try slicing each other’s throats while they share policies that are pretty dang close.  It’s hard to enjoy the irony while debt is stomping our crotch.

Sanctimony on Sale

Retailers can only profit off outrage for so long.  Lord knows enough participants have tried getting rich in the most obnoxious way possible.  But even modern futuristic conglomerates need to sell something more charming than a knowing smirk.  Social media businesses hope insulting tweeters distracts from how Chipotle tastes.

Making things is for squares.  Modern business plans involve doing everything they can to prove they’re cool while announcing they don’t want stupid right-wingers handing over tainted blood money.  Insulting a huge chunk of voters requires a delicate balance you may have noticed never involves selling anything worthwhile.  A snarky attitude doesn’t count.

The only thing worse than a contraption seller with a lecture is how much attitude drips on the product.  It may be surprising that contemporary companies are often run by liberal twits until you realize how their locally-sourced and purportedly ethical hipster mustache wax in Mason jars appears as sustainable as the post office.  Smug proprietors are not planning for long-term success, as they’re too dedicated to fighting the Second Amendment today to think about tomorrow.

Modern enlightened companies are desperate to elbow ahead of each other to prove who is the most woke.  Also, society on the whole desperately waits to see how soon can we retire “woke.” If the final usage of an irksome term for preening contempt about human standards came10 minutes ago, it wasn’t soon enough.

Somehow, downscale restaurants decided their role is to inform potential buyers whether or not their positions are acceptable.  Politicized commerce leads to ridiculous stances from places that should be selling nonpartisan goods.  Parody writers encounter, say, admonitions from Burger King about how the government should regulate the internet for fairness and wonder how they’re supposed to keep up.

Society gets dumber as the people in it think they get smarter. People way back in 2008 are as shocked by how every purchase carries a message as they are about time travel. Concurrently, today’s humans scoff at primitive troglodytes last decade who asked for directions and used flip phones to speak to one another.  Those primitive goons didn’t even think if their favorite bakeries supported changing marriage.

It’s not a boycott: I just don’t feel like buying.  Hearing a company scold me for my inadequate commitment to social justice really motivates me to grab my credit card.  I’m too much of a low-maintenance slacker to organize.  But I am going to remember a tweet that sounds like Vox runs a soup company’s social media. Self-righteous enterprises have markets cornered unless other companies are legally allowed to sell similar junk.

Modern entrepreneurs sure hate what enables their existence.  Condemning the very free markets that mean consumers can choose to go elsewhere is bound not to backfire.  I’m sure nobody will choose to go to a different shopping site that doesn’t throw in a side order of self-righteousness.  Patronize those who aren’t patronizing.

Meanwhile, professional threateners let everyone within shouting distance know there is a purchase not occurring.  It’s challenging to document what isn’t happening, which is where making a scene comes into play.  Some of the pro virtue-signalers dare claim they’re being driven by conscience.  The loudest specialize in creating no value in the world and in fact take attention.  But they do feel better about themselves, and that counts as bettering circumstances in its way.

This bag feels light.  A lecture shouldn’t be a manufacturer’s main output.  Some forget that they’re supposed to hawk things.  Instead, commercial enterprises are left with warehouses full of bicycles or french fries because some 23-year-old social media twit who knows everything decided to call Trump voters racists.

Anyone trying to make money should realize a temporary bump can’t be treated as a permanent obstacle.  Stores shouldn’t panic if they’re slammed for refusing to call cops bigots or pull ads from Fox News.  Everything is politicized, and the results are just as inspirational as imagined.  If people are yelling at you now, know it’ll be over in a day.  A different company will provoke anger by serving someone wearing a MAGA hat tomorrow.

Loudmouths aren’t representative of the purchasing public.  If professional moaners had money, they would be doing something useful during the day.  Instead, tracking who buys ad time at what commentator’s radio show passes for productivity.  Those who create nothing sure are eager to bring others down to their enlightened levels in the sewers.

Astute retailers hear who’s not kvetching.  On the same note, they should notice how many taciturn potential buyers are ticked off by caving to a handful of torch-bearers.  Actual customers don’t need to have their guilt assuaged by being told how implicitly racist they are. Just hand over my beverage.  I’m being told my carbon footprint is shamefully large and that I have disgraced this Starbucks location by trying to be overcharged for an icy milkshake.  I should’ve bought nothing.

Showing Morton Downey Junior

Morton Downey Junior

Schlock has escaped from its cage and infected everything.  As reflected in President Donald Trump’s impossibly tacky golden-tinted ’80s design sense, America endures the worst sort of throwback.  Time only seems to be moving forward as we’re trapped by ideas that repulsed decent people before anyone had modems.

Specifically, we’re stuck on the best worst talk show ever.  Present American inmates inhabit a Morton Downey Junior world where the most dated example of confrontational TV ever has gone national.  Off-putting fighting wasn’t supposed to be taken seriously, but it’s now the baseline for discourse.  I miss when trash was honest. Those innocent times make today’s genuine anger even more tiresome.

Today’s tainted political ecosystem is reminiscent of what was broadcast three decades ago by WOR-TV, a delightfully low-rent channel known for chintzy local production values in the nation’s biggest media market.  The fascinating view they provided of tawdry New York City was both horrifying and exciting.  If you missed it, you can only be assured that the appeal was irresistible even if muggings were the only thriving industry.

A Gotham channel’s provincial take was especially enticing for a suburban brat at the state’s other end.  I was quite fond of the evening news, which was an intense version of the formula where metropolitan activity seemed relentlessly exciting in its frightening way.  It felt like my local news, only with the dosage upped.

The channel became beloved for its somehow charming series of purportedly valuable films, batty originals, and whatever syndicated programming they could score.  Their offerings also included a shocking local radio host named Howard Stern. Who could not watch while flinching?

But the queen fake jewel was Downey’s preposterous outrage hour.  His habit of screaming at scum-sucking, pabulum-puking liberals, to use his favorite description of those with whom he disagreed, typified the era’s amusing excesses.  Well, we couldn’t own jerks online.

I remember catching Mister Downey Junior’s embodiment of sensationalism for the first time.  He was bickering with Klansmen, which made it the perfect initial episode.  Did you know he opposed them?  It was a time for bold statements.  He concluded the feisty hour by righteously kicked them off the set.  Of course, I was hooked. Amused by his preposterous forcefulness and contempt for dissent, I had my political model.

Scolding, accosting, and chain-smoking were par for the course.  People didn’t tune in for William Buckley-style erudition: we wanted our right-wing ranting literally in the face of the opposition.  This was an era when commies were descending into cartoonish failure.  They were begging to be publicly humiliated.

The subtle political visionary frequently sparred with people who’ve become nationally notorious.  For one, the cheesy ragefest was the level where Gloria Allred belonged. It’s not to accuse her of seeking attention or anything, but she always practiced law in front of television cameras.  Now, you can actually find a certain brand of sanctimonious twits who respect her as an attorney. That shouldn’t happen for anyone in that particular inglorious profession, but it’s especially so for her.

And nothing that says more about our society than Al freaking Sharpton being taken seriously. The purported reverend was more tolerable when he was a race-baiting local clown with the girth and pompadour to match. Of course, he still left a trail of corpses which made his shtick less charming.  But showing up to argue with Downey was fitting for the guy who inflicted what he did on Crown Heights, Steven Pagones, and Freddie’s Fashion Mart.

It’s no surprise Downey interviewed a president if you’ve made it this far.  He notoriously interviewed a local real estate-flipping braggart named Donald Trump because of course he did.  It was the perfect pairing of someone repellant spewing hideous takes as he drew attention to himself and Morton Downey.

Downey was a visionary, sadly. He naturally didn’t believe a word he said.  The poseur’s not entirely novel strategy involved getting as outrageous as possible for ratings.  Sure, relying on shock is unsustainable.  But nobody cares about running out of fuel when the afterburner button is fun to press.

There was plenty inspirational about someone known for screaming about a position that’s a caricature of what people actually believe.  The blip on the cultural radar during the original Nintendo era featured a guy playing a character who adorably thinks nobody else notices.  Gee, can you think of a president who took inspiration from Channel 9’s trashy mascot?

The sideshow was taken nationally long ago.  Life feels dull while the rage never stops.  For one, the formerly enticing base for depravity has gone corporate.  New York is boring as the banks on every corner.  Everything that was unique is no longer.  Local color was co-opted by attention whores in other markets.  It is technically a culture even if it’s not quite refined.

Those who prefer substance to volume miss when Trump was a headache limited to Gotham’s tabloids.  We’re inured to the New York Post covering him as national news.  The damage radius increased exponentially past the Hudson.  I miss when the screaming was contained to a ramshackle TV set in Secaucus.  Loudmouths can be heard anywhere.

Really Good in Theory

The freedom to make choices is liberating, but at least it’s fulfilling. Hey: life is swell.  Such circumstances are limited in stupid reality, so don’t worry about overdosing on happiness.  But it remains true that philosophical and practical success are intertwined.  The satisfaction provided by autonomy leads to decisions that further self-interest.  That does mean accepting responsibility, too, so forget pretending utopia’s truly obtainable.

The willingness to advance together requires investing faith in people, so forget it.  Trust as policy leads to helpful ideas in theory.  They’re also horrifying to those who lust for control.  Ticking off those who want to boss us around is just an added benefit.

Guns are much more fun than something to dream about firing.  That’s not to downplay the satisfying bang and kickback upon pressing the trigger, which combine to be more exciting than racing monster trucks at the fireworks factory.

The truly thrilling part of our pocket shooties is how they can be used to dissuade or dismember those who want to take our property.  They will get nothing, including the very guns we use to protect the other items.

Math backs us up, and not just measuring calibers.  Crime has declined as laws focused allowing good guys to pack heat. Stopping felonious jerks sure is satisfying.  Do it yourself like a true punk.

The right to self-defense isn’t just something to ponder.  You should be rolling while aiming.  Continued existence is a lot easier if we’re allowed to aim at people who disobey laws by definition of profession.  Put criminals out of work by co-opting their business model, which presumes nobody will return fire.

The real-world effect of deterring the wicked is as fun as shooting the chandelier to fall on someone’s head.  Force potential attackers to consider new careers in public service.  Foes of being able to heave bullets rather quickly in the direction of evildoers note the possibility is unlikely.  But skeptics of human nature never realize it’s the very right to do so that makes it so. This seatbelt is unlikely to restrain me on account of the rarity of accidents, so I won’t bother buckling it.

Mutual commerce hurts both sides, according to a purported genius corporate executive.  The Trump administration is fighting the horrors of buying stuff from each other.  A guy who prides himself on negotiating special handouts isn’t big on competing.  But at least we see how making money doesn’t necessarily mean being good at commerce.

Volunteering to do business together is not just a nice idea: openness in peddling actually leads to people getting what they want at bargains they determine are worthwhile.  We can’t have that.  Government is about supervising which countries are allowed to sell us items.

Buying your own stuff seems risky.  Do you know to not buy the undercoating?  The extended warranty’s a ripoff, too. But perhaps people are careful with their own funds.  Trust us to negotiate with insurance providers or colleges for the best prices.

Still, life is only more expensive for greedy kulaks if we bill the collective. Making taxpayers fund our stuff means it’s free.  Subsidies cost nothing unless they drain the economy, and if that’s the case then who wants a job in the first place?

All those handouts sure make things costly.  There has to be a better way to teach irony than spreading poverty.  At least someone else is paying.  That’s the spirit of selflessness found in today’s generation of socialist helpers.

The urge to meddle is too much for politicians who think they’re paid by the restriction. Authority is like opening an oven to check on a soufflé.  You can just let the oven do its work, as your representatives think they know just how to make things rise. That’s followed by bitching about the temperature not working properly. Don’t believe for a second that messing with it brought deflation, as that’s just what the lamestream media wants.

Anything good in principle also has beneficial results.  Life is easy.  The only problem is it’s not.  Your rulers have to make circumstances complicated for your benefit.  They see people who are able to earn everything they can keep by virtue of being armed, and they refuse to stand for it.

Liberty is based in the need to trust humans, which is unpopular for good reason.  I mean: see how they vote.  But letting psychopathic semi-upright animals choose what they want is the best by default. Government is just a bunch of people bossing around the rest.  Don’t let some idiot decide for you.  Be your own idiot.