User Named

The president who needs advice the most urgently preens that he has it all figured out.  Watch our leader share the outrageous notion that will totally still seem wise in three minutes.

Get used to regret, as screenshots others take are tough to delete.  As for the man who needs an Amazon Dash button for morning-after stationery, Donald Trump embodies Twitter like no other user.  It’s no wonder the site loathes him so.  He can speak without filters. There’s a new ancient Chinese curse: may your wish be granted.  A guy who urgently needs an editor doesn’t get one.

Like our nation, Twitter’s good despite who’s in charge.  You can say anything you’d like, unless some little narc reports you to a similarly-minded company toady.  There’s no problem as long as you think only rational notions and make sure you mean it when sending.  But it’s so fun to rant and click.  If social media is a mess, it means people are.  So, we’re doomed.  At least the descent will be well-documented.

The incumbent’s impulsiveness actually makes him a poor candidate to tweet a few dozen thousand times.  Clicking manically is precisely the wrong approach when you can post at light speed.  Pondering is most important when it’s easiest to skip. It may seem like Twitter and Trump go together like gin and vermouth.  But the actual cocktail tastes like rum with clamato. Instantaneous sites are no good without contemplation.  And he’s just the man to not think it out. That was like 17 updates ago.

The seemingly ideal social media fit is not as pure as it seems.  Twitter would be perfect as an indifferent forum.  Naturally, it refuses to be objective.  Pimping social justice junk somehow became the primary goal of a maxim-sharing service.  Twitter Moments is as reliably dull in liberalism as Mashable, Buzzfeed, Boing Boing, and all the other sites named by marker-huffing junior high kids. But at least their staff pursues the noble goal of protecting celebrities from nasty replies at all costs, as the lives of the blue checkmark gang are not cushy enough.

Trump needs a divorce from his account.  If the president and his favorite app were matched by eHarmony, they’d rightfully demand refunds. You’d think the proprietors of an obnoxious social media site would get along with its most notorious user. Unfocused leadership is a reflection of our lightning-fast world.  I’m ashamed of how primitive we still are, too.

Forget how the Outrage Brigade should be pleased at Trump’s frequent forays into liberalism. If you think they’re freaking out now, imagine what would happen if they realized the degree to which their Venn diagram circles overlap.

Twitter created something amazing they don’t understand.  It’s the George Lucas of social media. Credit is due for creating the amazing world of space battles and Wookiees.  But, like the site where Katy Perry is a saint, he gets no credit for what follows the concept. Lucas had to have control wrested from him by Mickey Mouse to avoid another film about trade disputes and Jar Jar.  Likewise, inane timeline meddling is as tiresome as Twitter’s assumption that Republicans hate equality because they didn’t want to change marriage.  Did you know that love wins?

Speaking of people who didn’t think things out, President Trump still can’t believe he bluffed his way here.  His bets never worked in Atlantic City.  Twitter is what you make of it, like how he turned inane grievances into becoming Earth’s most powerful man.  Bitching about anything you’d like is the dream in an imperfect world.  But with marginal power comes a bit of responsibility.  It’s crucial for those sharing to realize how easy it is to create personal crises.  The man setting freaking national policy should learn first.

We can’t blame employees when an executive user shows Twitter at its worst.  It’s not because of anything the site did.  His odd capitalization and catfights would be embarrassing for a retiree with “#MAGA” in his bio and penchant for trusting Gateway Pundit.  Trump’s petty beefs are as bad as the phrasing out of a 1970s Korean motorcycle manual.  Electing an amateur has caused professional crises.

Twitter is a twisted world of unpleasant deviants.  And that’s just the accounts with real names.  It’s a place where everyone can give an opinion.  Yikes.  Our species just has to get better at editing. Tweeting is such a free market that people freak out at the purity like they do at Uber surge pricing.  It’ll take time to adjust to not having life controlled by dolts, whether it be taxi medallion issuers or obtusely pompous publishers.

But keep faith in self-publishing even if it’s as exhausting as following Vox.  We must remain committed to both the republic and social media despite how certain people unfortunately use each.  Elect and follow wisely.  Take a deep breath before sharing and remember that it’s possible.

The Unpopulist Presidency

It’s hard to learn history when it started in January.  You can’t forget what happened in the 1800s if you never learn it.  Those not interested in the dumb corded-phone past may nonetheless enjoy learning the ghost of some old dude haunts the Oval Office.  Ask the incumbent who William Jennings Bryan is for a mirthful break from the day’s crude updates.  Donald Trump presumes he’s some low-energy twit at National Review.

Those who are aware of what happened before breakfast feel like the preening masks something old familiar.  The embodiment of populism is finally president, at least in spirit.  Bryan’s beliefs made it to the White House on the fourth try thanks to someone who wasn’t trying at all.

The fascination with shiny pricey metals indicates WJB may be reincarnated.  The man he’s inhabiting is a fan of all things golden. It obviously represents the awesome level of success you’d expect from someone who made owning everything in the Sharper Image catalog a life goal.  The actual valuable resource is tougher to acquire. He’s not a collector of solid bars, which anyone paying attention could’ve told you by 1989.

As for a century before that, free silver was somehow the day’s biggest issue.  I’d love to get some today along with a liquor store who’ll accept it as currency.  Bryan was the biggest fan, but not because of anything he believed.  The man who couldn’t beat McKinley famously said “The people of Nebraska are for free silver and I am for free silver. I will look up the arguments later.” No politician would ever declare something so goofily pandering in these sophisticated modern times.  Now, let’s keep forcing insurers to sell their product because the public thinks it’s mean.

Classic ideas are the most rotten over time.  Another politician is indulging in the worst thing possible, namely doing what people want.  Have you met any?  Yikes.  Click a trending hashtag for a frightening glimpse of what happens when humans get free reign.  Doing as polls wish is an easy way to get support and the worst way to fix the country. Even worse, cheaply expensive bribes only work so many times.  Good luck winning an election after circumstances turn because you obeyed the popular will.

Trump may be marginally better at sensing what’s right than the typical liberal, although he remains their frequent ideological pal.  The fact they are as horrified that Trump often agrees with them as they are by the idea of promotions almost makes this all worth it.  An occasional sop to Republicans is more for him to remember what party he’s presently in than any demonstration of principles.  Think of George R.R. Martin trotting out the occasional dragon only to shut up frustrated fans.

It’s important to know which people to patronize.  Trump likes demean his very fans who claim their foes like being humiliated, which at least shows an inadvertent sense of humor.  Get amusement where you can. Sure, he ruined the party.  But he inspired insane protests by lunatics who agree with most of his policies.  And there is his welcome instinct to condemn terrorism as a basic threat to civilization, which shouldn’t be novel as it is.

Our sweet fellow countrymen think he’ll do what they want, which is a guaranteed way to be very happy and never ever disappointed.  Leaders are totally going to fulfill promises, including those you only thought you heard.  The uncommon adoration for Trump is amusingly held up as a virtue.  It only shows that the zombie parasite infects on a bipartisan basis.  A president should have some idea of what he’s going to support.  But he has to have ideas first.

There’s good news for anyone who feared having to think for themselves.  The perpetually retired Barack Obama dictating what was best for everyone trained us for domination.  Now, we get a leader who’s both bossy and eager to appease.  Party and personality change notwithstanding, the government will fix it no matter what’s broken.  Your busted taillight just needs a sledgehammering.  Both repairmen create the same results, and isn’t it nice to agree?

It’s not that people need to be told what to do.  In fact, it’s the opposite: the populace should be made to figure things out on their own.  Stop expecting the president to heed your whims.  Doing what they want rather than having politicians hand it to them would set a dangerous political precedent, so do that.  Our present 19th-century approach working as well as expected in our own times.  We always hope a leader will do what the people want.  But it’s usually not us.

Critical Drinking

We don’t give a rat’s ass who approves of our opinions.  That’s the textbook term, at least if this column is being used in schools as it should.  People ticked off by both parties are free to speak their minds.  This sucks.  There you go.  An election that was supposed to stick it to the establishment reinforced it.  The bright side is how fun it is to bitch.

Every complaint ticks off the executive branch.  There’s your specific fun. An independent challenge is just what the president doesn’t want, which means it’s necessary. Bitching about whatever the government does is the fourth branch, so serve your constitutional role.  Let me suggest some snarky phrases to use on Twitter in reply to the White House account.

The boss needs more training.  Yelling at Donald Trump when he screws up like a trainee is how we hold insiders like him in line.  He shouldn’t have even been promoted to unpaid intern.  The next-best thing is yelling at the addled CEO.

Be as stingy with praise as is comfortable.  Like most of the good things Trump does, his positives are inadvertent. Still, he should semi-credit him for stumbling into correct decisions.  Bill Belichick became a genius because the president’s pal Tom Brady, which I note only to infuriate Patriots fans, happened to get a shot.  But he still gets the dang wins.  If the president signs a bill because a random Republican reminds him who he’s portraying, then it counts as half-credit.

Trump’s roulette number only comes up so often.  You’d think he could’ve exploited that in Atlantic City.  Blame the utter unwillingness to have thought out anything ever. Shia LaBeouf looks stable by comparison, which should motivate the alleged actor’s next protest to be spoiled by 4chan. The incumbent’s erratic nature keeps things fresh, which is the consolation prize for everything being criminally stupid.  Still, it’d be nice if he’d go crazy and remember he’s pretending to be familiar with the Constitution.

Irked conservatives can’t just consult the checklist.  But at least it’s a chance to remember why we signed up for this.  Those loyal to ideas have to think out each position. Oh: so that’s why I think that.  Thanks, I guess, Mister President. The Wheel of Misfortune means not automatically cussing at him even if he probably deserves to be scolded for something.  It’s a pleasant surprise when he does something right, which makes it like life.

Parties are not cults despite them being treated as such.  Like gender, modern definitions don’t change indisputable truths.  Modern men exacerbate their idiocy by deciding that everyone who came before was Biden-level obtuse.  Technology just makes people dumber more quickly.

Sorry to be insolent, but the president may deserve criticism.  I can hear the guillotine being sharpened.  Nonetheless, this is not a time for reflexively thinking an amateur White House is acting professionally.  We may have voted for members of the same ostensible party in a previous euphoric life where we dreamed that debt may someday spiral downward. But past performance doesn’t guarantee future results.  At the same time, we can pat on that legendary pompadour the occasional times he gets something right.

Both defenders and attackers are repulsive, which is the closest we get to bipartisanship these days.  Presuming that a pompous twit who backed his way into fame and semi-success is the ideal conservative won’t make it so.  But keep acting confused on social media.  By comparison, liberals compensate for how often he thinks like they do by flailing their limbs with extra vigor. Michelle Obama is pleased by the movement.

Judging him by each issue is one way to make the news less despondent.  Think through why, probably, the incumbent just did something unfortunate. If he managed to blunder into success, then acknowledge like an adult.  He could use the example.

Independence is now conservative.  It’s different from how liberals think everything they hold is centrist, which is how they ostracize everyone who disagrees as an equality-hating Hitler-hugger.  Find a Democrat pleased that, say, there’s still a law that insurers must sell their product for a rare instance if intellectual honesty.

The president should remember he’s in the party that was once vaguely welcoming to those who liked making money.  Or he should learn. Those already familiar are naturally ticked that he’s making it harder to elect future Republicans.  Voters now presume every right-winger is a sullen fan of massive spending and exhausting orders.  Praise him on the intermittent occasions when he remembers what side he pretended to join out of exploitative convenience in order to encourage more.  Now there’s a deal he understands.

There are a finite number of ways to cope with everybody fighting for the same dumb goals.  Those who hope vainly federal spending could actually decrease fear that our booze tolerance may rise above the level of consumption.  Even the most experienced political observers can only do so many shots in a row.  It’s hard to keep sharp when dullness is the cure to the disease that is politics.  Having to think if we agree is how to keep brain cells active.

The Knack and How to Lose It

Instincts are a great way to do even stupider things more quickly.  Sometimes, those not known as intellectuals lack street smarts as well.  A massive lurking id may just reflect a dim ego.  Speaking of both, Donald Trump’s impulsiveness was supposed to be an asset.  Never has a staff had to spend so much time hiding a phone.  Noting who’s commander-in-chief is intended to frighten, as that adrenaline surge will help us get through the next international incident caused by a tweet.

Everything’s misinterpreted.  What the hell is that supposed to mean?!  Anyway, these modern times mean deciding instantly what might take ages to properly evaluate.  And nobody better embodies snap judgments than a president who tweets like he has 300 followers and doesn’t realize they may find his take on a Fox & Friends segment crude.  I can’t figure out how he won.

Advanced contemporary humans mistake crudeness for bluntness.  It’s just the most prominent of the many presumptions that America’s trendiest cult shares.  But blurting doesn’t necessarily reflect common sense.  In fact, someone might be reflexively uttering claptrap.  We want folksy wisdom but get a Kevin James sitcom instead. Connecting a quick verbal trigger with a disdain for federal overreach is how we got a Republican who is scared to touch entitlements.

A purported commoner is finally getting used the highest office.  Beg for mercy.  Don’t worry, as it gets worse.  If it’s not clear yet, the electoral process concluded with the last guy we should want to speak for us.  That’s accurate unless we’re loudmouth grifters.  A New York City liberal business poser spoke for the people, as accuracy is the hallmark of our times.  Did you know all businessmen are conservatives?

The capricious presidency sure is predictable.  Anyone who lived nearby or watched one of his performance art publicity stunts knew how much head-shaking would follow.  Perhaps there’s a downside to making someone Earth’s most powerful man who’s unwilling to do the work.  A universe of incorrect assumptions shows the downside of having every bit of information at arm’s length, namely checking none of it.

Just because someone is discourteous doesn’t make them honest.  So, that’s how advertising works.  The executive pitchman blurts things out because he hasn’t thought them through.  There’s a bipartisan craving for dullness.  It’s be so nice to have a conventional leader who has an answer ready for every question.  That doesn’t make them robotic any more than an SAT preparation class is cheating one’s way into college.  Being prepared is a sign of inauthenticity if you wonder why you sigh so much.

Let me agree with you that your issues are the most important.  Thank you for believing me.  Crudely aping what an audience wants to hear is how to keep it real.  This is a time for feelings, which is why nobody listens to explanations of what’s unconstitutional.

Even good ideas can be expressed badly.  We could have secure border without needing to erect a goofy wall.  He’s more into stapling on black glass than building from the start, anyway.  I’d never dare accuse Trump of saying something just to seduce.  But, like Eastern European models, voters eager to be convinced served a purpose to him.  Exploitation isn’t what free markets are about no matter what liberal critics claim.  None of them make money honestly, either.

We warned that someone so shapeless would be easily molded.  No, it’s not a knock on his body by Diet Coke, as there’s no reason to sink to his Insult Shock Brigade’s level.  They’re understandably crabby about his impotent output compared to their virile dreams, although there’s no reason to feel sorry for them.

Is your mind blown?  The establishment is so busy picking up rubble that they can’t run our lives anymore.  They should get wheelbarrows to make the illusion complete.  Now, Washington tells you what to do, only with a cuss word instead of a dull order.  We had to elect a rude baby in his 70s because it was going to shatter the fragile minds of the elite oppressors.  Now, we get unwieldy government without the pretense of manners.  At least the lies are livelier.

At least the lack of dignity’s funny.  It’s accurate for everyone who didn’t fall for him.  Trump’s certainly not making us laugh intentionally despite his bizarre reputation for being hilarious. The remarkably inaccurate categorization is just one more thing he got without earning it.  But what do you expect when fantasy projection is preferred to fact?

An unqualified, uninterested showman can’t be clueless.  Those seduced blame Paul Ryan when a statist oaf of a president doesn’t do what they’re sure he promised.  The country’s going to Hell.  But that was going to happen anyway, so we may as well get some laughs out of it.

Got It Done

There’s no need for a law if you can meet your own deadlines.  Note who needs coercion.  I know life is scary with its lack of guarantees and possibility of starvation.  But your leaders promising you food is only going to make you hungrier.

Good things can happen without government. It’s true!  We can even negotiate for better deals.  Oh: and it’s to life what Kathy Griffin is to decorum. There’s that whole thing where everyone hates stupid corrupt politicians and then wonders why things like Detroit happen when we give them power. Life on your own isn’t as scary as Cory Booker has made it out to be and may be in fact better without pathological loons deciding for you.  Order life without orders.

The trouble with a promotion is all that effort.  Those demanding benevolent politicians guarantee a minimum never seem capable of getting more per hour on their own.  This seemingly impossible process is known as getting a raise according to ancient documents from the hifi era. But there was racism and sexism in those dark times, so everything must’ve been rotten.

You can get more money if your boss likes your work.  But he’s just a cog in the oppressive machine.  A Honda-driving shift manager embodies corporate villainy.  It’s better for the compassionate government to just presume the greedy owner doesn’t want to remove any currency from a couch stuffed with it.  It can’t be that a cashier doesn’t generate as much value as the money handled.

Rumor holds that a job with more responsibility is often accompanied by a bigger salary.  Some think the jump is impossible, which also summarizes contemporary contempt for free markets.  Who could ever make something worth selling?  They didn’t teach how to weld in any gender studies class.

The economy can never improve.  Growth is a fantasy peddled by Koch Industries and the Trilateral Commission.  All Baltic Avenue residents can do it grab what you can from those who stole their way to Park Place.  Redistribution is seen as the last step before utopia for some reason.  Despite the widespread abandonment of trust in humans to address their own need, I wonder if we could’ve been doing better by trading jobs for cash all this time.

It’s not that those who think life can be controlled fail to account for consequences or anything.  But this may be a good time to realize that legislation affects humans.  If they grasped that, they wouldn’t be leftists. Stop punishing success, and there’ll suddenly be more of it.  It’s as if people like to keep rewards that are justly theirs. Conversely, paying people to stay poor keeps them that way.  This darn species won’t cooperate with bizarre orders.

Mandatory help does no such thing.  Wondering what’s for lunch tomorrow beats a centralized meal plan.  You can get food without an order that you must eat.  Groceries are actually pretty affordable, even with sellers knowing we need the calories.  Purported assistance makes us turn to store brands. Subtracting that very money from the economy keeps them that way.  There are more fun ways to learn math.

Insurance doesn’t need to be mandated on account of how it’s a good idea. Grownups might be responsible without being told.  It might even be easier, what with sellers not sure they have your business.  But ostensible corporation-smashers just love making sure companies get their precious profits.  Keep going until everything is sold by a single conglomerate which rips off with ceaseless greed.  It’s based in that one American city that’s not in a state.

Please let us off Obamacare for our health.  A magical federal guarantee fails to actually ensure we’ll never die and get prettier as we age.  It’s crummy and expensive with no option to decline.  But Democrats can say more people are covered, and yanking their consciences is government’s purpose.

I bet we could get horrid plans on our own.  Perhaps there would even be better and cheaper plans available by choice.  It’s not to be a crazy dreamer.  I just heard a rumor that competition lowers prices.

Real communalism consists of paying each other to do things.  Attempts to turn commodities into rights actually makes them tougher to acquire.  The only thing worse is to presume that circumstances are permanent.  Set aside that it’s not very liberal in the word’s broad meaning.

We can affect our world, sometimes even for the better.  The idea that life is inherently rotten with the only relief provided by a pittance doesn’t seem very inspirational.  Professional meddlers are frustrated their schemes don’t affect our mean world the right way. They should know: their beliefs put into action made it this way. See?  The future can be controlled.

Friends in No Places

Everyone is out to get you.  At least your paranoia is justified.  And it’s good to stay sharp.  A lack of pals keeps you on your toes.  It beats trusting strangers like some sort of fable where the protagonist is mugged for helping a stranger.  I’m still seeking a publisher interested in Rough Lessons for Kids.

Having no allies is frustrating, as you turn to find someone with the same gang jacket manning a switchblade and see only the alley’s garbage cans. But knowing nobody has our back is liberating.  There’s no hope of avoiding a shanking, so take comfort in a clear fate.

Everything’s new, seen as how there are two crummy parties instead of the usual one and a half.  At least it makes following the news easier.  Sure, it means the country is doomed.  But at least it’s not our fault.  It will be blamed on us, naturally. But the supremacy of the individual remains a constant, which means we’ll know who the idiots are.  Spot them by how they’re trying to save the nation via pointlessly excessive infrastructure spending.

Going without a party isn’t so bad considering who’s in them.  Besides, we can still have Andrew W.K.-style ones.  Look for enjoyment in everyday activities now more than ever.  Those who tweet angry replies to non-political posts for the lack of focus don’t seem happy, if you can believe.

Look at government fans rabidly lauding unctuous congressional dopes and ask yourself if you’d really like to join.  Try listening to music instead of C-SPAN.  It turns out melodies exist, which is a blessing to those who’ve only heard both sides argue they want to keep entitlements cushy through insolvency.

Without cable news on every waking moment, we can’t monitor the dreadful updates of the day repeated like agricultural mottos at Jonestown.  The absence of onscreen tilted panels isn’t as exhausting as imagined.  There’s no news channel for us, which means freedom like you couldn’t imagine if you’re unfortunate enough to care about our government.

It turns out there are are other things to watch.  In fact, many people have futuristic television services with more than three channels.  The abundance of music, cooking, and murder fiction fantasy networks are a blessing in an era where it’s desperately important to have outside interests.  This is a good time to find something else over which to obsess, as politics is the stupidest hobby of all. Following it in one’s free time is the only thing more shameful than pursuing it as a career.

Sail past news stations on this unanchored journey.  A cruise is much more peaceful without Fox News blabbermouths at the ship’s wheel. Those of us who once put it on first thing just to make sure there wasn’t a fireball that enveloped a city while sleeping are adjusting to looking for updates elsewhere.  There are ways to learn about breaking news away from conspiratorial lunatics with primetime hours.  Perhaps the internet contains news.

The lack of background noise is peaceful for more than reasons of volume.  Cable news detox wasn’t even that shaky. Nostalgia isn’t the best quality to associate with a 24-hour political channel.  Like the cancellation of Celebrity Name Game, there’s a vague sense that something was once on the screen at a certain time.

Sure, FNC failed to be intellectually complex or a forum for important debates.  But at least there was somewhere to hear a vaguely Reaganesque defense. Now, both sides often means having one.  It’s the dull statist versus someone who wants to put a flag decal on federal projects on Fox News every hour, so you don’t have to tune away just to avoid Shepard Smith.

If crummy plans are the norm, at least it’s nice not having to defend them.  Everyone is trying every policy but ours.  This is going to get pricey quickly.  Parties battle as if the last oxygen tank on a space station is the prize.  In reality, they’re just fighting over who gets to suffocate us.  Debating terms revolve around just how much to expand the brute’s dim influence into our lives.  Both combatants are quite eager to take credit for a decline that’s broke in more ways than one.

Principles remain even as the rubble crumbles.  Conservatives believe the only thing worse than government is those who want to be part of it. Could there be any stronger examples?

Join a party just for the chance to be in charge, as rewarding toadies is the very inspirational goal of contemporary governance.  Rule over people who don’t have a choice to prove beneficence.  Why try to convince when you can order?  Walmart took over our wallets through voluntary transactions, and at least we get chips and tube socks out of it. But attracting customers is hard work.  Just do it once with an election.

Nobody speaks for us, which means that we do.  That’s a responsibility worth having no matter how easy it would be to foist it on some politician. Besides, the relief from reasoning isn’t worth the price.  You don’t want either Chuck Schumer or Mitch McConnell speaking for you, right?

Conservatives are not expecting any leader to articulate our philosophy, especially this one.  Parties, presidents, and channels hold hands and slide down the mountain.  Their altitude isn’t rising no matter how much they use each other as sources to verify.

Anno Donaldi

There will be a post-Trump world just in case the during part is taxing your resolve.  Imagining the calendar flipping more quickly than it can be turned helps on eternal days.  Fast-forwarding is not just to fantasize, although you should do whatever’s needed to get through the day.  If they haven’t run out of bourbon yet, it’s likely the supply will remain constant.

At least we’re already sort of there.  The president who supposedly embodied toughness has been as limp as his silhouette Twitter fans. Getting outfoxed is a nice break from being embarrassing.  Look on the bright side: an outsider president has stayed there.  An irrelevant executive can’t mess with us that much.  Ineffectiveness is government at its best.  Liberals should be pleased Trump isn’t changing things that much.  But they’re indignant that no one’s telling them how to live by law.

The shame will remain once the presidency ends.  Both those who believed Trump would install a marble clad-utopia are cloaked in humiliation just like those swearing at the children of Republicans.  It’s nice that they share a common interest.  Deciding that it’s a moral imperative to be as obnoxious as possible is a reflection of the subway panhandler, not the commuter just trying to hear the podcast.

There’s a hangover ahead, and protesters don’t even enjoy intoxication. Coming down from the frenzy won’t lead to shrewdness in retrospect. Maybe we can get them to be civil.  Sure: and then get them to admit the Constitution contains nothing authorizing mandatory insurance.

For now, they must lose their freaking minds as melodramatically and publicly as possible. There’s an emergency occurring, namely something not going how they wanted.  The siren wails for as long as anyone else thinks differently.  Dissent is a special occurrence which to liberals justifies enjoying fun moments like an ideological foe’s death or thinking someone who votes differently deserved bullets.  Join them so they respect you.

It’s uncanny how special circumstances force them to unabashedly despise those who voted differently every time there’s a Republican in office.  If it’s tiresome watching them throw a tantrum because someone might reverse one of their dreadful initiatives, imagine what it’s like to be them.  Absence of agony offers semi-relief.  Their utterly pleasant collective demeanor hasn’t improved since Nixon, although it as gotten far worse.

Constant hate isn’t a virtue.  Shake it up a bit.  If there’s ever a normal Republican with manners and a semi-conservative voting record, the figurative executive will still be Adolf Rumsfeld.  Liberal replies are going to remain just as charmingly hateful, not to mention that they’ll simultaneously continue their habit of declaring they tolerate everything that agrees with them.  There are no learned lessons, which is why they believe what they do in the first place.

At least the unpleasantness is bipartisan.  This is the era for changing the locks.  Those who commandeered the party are steering now, which means they’re responsible for the direction.  Granted wishes are curses, they noted as the bumper dangled from the guardrail.

Republicans proving their revulsion for government by nominating the most distasteful option possible.  But Democrats should be the ones learning, as they cope with a braggart claiming he can change everything by fiat.  It’s not fun when the other side tries, is it?

All this arguing obscures common goals, like deciding everyone else is a subhuman toxic sewer monster.  The principled ideology of hating everyone who’s deemed to not meet their standards is how the modern liberal flaunts tolerance.  They’re so pure that they won’t even respect someone who helps them.

I’ve lost count of how often Trump makes up a policy to expand power like their precious previous leader.  But he doesn’t even have to commit the mortal sin of thinking everyone paying the same tax rate would be both fair and an enticement for advancement for them to treat him like a gun-owning coal miner.

While arguing over personality has been as much of a blast as expected, conservatives must remain focused on ideas.  The cult of personality just doesn’t seem constitutional. Prepare now to get back to actually having ideas deeper than noting one clod’s unchallenged awesomeness.  Of course, this doesn’t mean the other ostensible side deserves support. You don’t have to patronize Arby’s because Subway is on the other side of the street and the walk signal’s broken.  Maybe make a sandwich at home instead of dining with the tasteless.

Get hated by newspapers and celebrities for the proper reasons.  Dismay is normal for those who want to limit government despite getting blamed for the actions of a president out to expand it.  Seek a nominee who ticks off liberals for more than his churlish demeanor.

Contemporary melancholy should be used as motivation, not an excuse to wallow. Prepare for them to despise us like Nazis who don’t care about gas mileage.  Irrational contempt based in thinking nobody can question daft progressive goals is normal.  So, we may as well make them hate us for legitimate reasons.  It’ll make their nastiness justified in its repulsive way.  Liberals are confused enough, so we may as well give them a hand.  And they think they’re the humane ones.