I’ll be punished for my lack of faith. Karmic justice is only part of the agony I face for suggesting Donald Trump might not know what he’s doing. Yet I can’t shut down my thoughts in favor of adulating our elected savior. The president is inexperienced, after all: that was the best businessman ever’s chief selling point. His lack of knowledge is supposed to be his appeal. Otherwise, he’d be a filthy establishment insider. Disregard decades of him trying to buy in and focus on how he’s proud of winging it. Utter loyalty requires as little thought as the professional bullplopper puts into trade policy.
Presume his instincts are pure and mighty for a special gold-clad spot in heaven. Our dashing hero could never be wrong anymore than Superman could make an error. I’m sorry to insult Trump with the comparison by implying he has a kryptonite, but that’s the closest equivalent superhero until Trumpman’s animated adventures inspire youngsters to reopen factories. The most zealous think he could be doing anything but instead magnanimously took this job on our behalf. It’s a position that just happens to give him the power his ego craves. The supreme alpha male sure is the kindest.
Do you think Trump could be playing a character? I’m sorry to become cynical. It’s never too late to find out except for how it is. The preening executive has been filling this role for about four decades, so he may have established some tendencies as he attempts to boast our way to prosperity. The uncanny certainty in his ability to modify events to his will can’t be a way of overcompensating for bumbling with bluster, so get lingering doubts out of your insolent skull. If you haven’t noticed he’s trying to fake you out by now, let’s play poker. I just learned myself.
It’s no surprise a simple boy who lusts after wielding authoritarian power ends up embracing dully overwhelming state action. The fascination with bossing around others comes about either because it’s one of his few principles or because he thinks he can fix problems through his forceful charm. The only difficult part is diagnosing which bad reason explains why he’s misguided this time.
Blame reality for not heeding your commands. Gravity’s a bitch. Trump lustily uses the executive branch’s power at every opportunity, which is the opposite of what his stupid party professes to believe. I don’t mean to accuse him of trying to trick the public into thinking his outward confidence is a way to disguise massive self-doubt, but there’s no other way for this sentence to go. The guy who couldn’t keep the USFL in business is going to know just what works when it comes to the global economy. An order fixes everything. It better or we’re in deep trouble.
There’s always danger in professing loyalty to a person and not ideas. That’s especially so for this person. Capriciously changing what he believes is Trump’s way of keeping supporters mentally active. Having no principles means flexibility, which is the realtor’s way of making it sound positive. Not believing anything in particular aside from one’s own personal greatness is also an easy way to enable lying, and who can keep track of something as slippery as absolute truth?
To be fair, he does have principles. It’s just they make his venality appealing by comparison. The only notions Trump truly believes are discredited in their utter wretchedness, like how buying things from foreign countries means we have a deficit with them. Oh, right: the stuff we get is nice. We don’t leave Walmart with deficits even though we leave money there. Doritos are cheaper in bulk, you say?
An obvious bluff is fine if those you’re playing fall for it. Convince enough people that rude bluntness means acting with authority. This seems like a good time to point out the difference between who’s elected and whether or not it’s a good idea. The obnoxious posing has worked so far, at least if deception counts as progress.
Those impressed by inexperience are surely qualified to stand at the vanguard of political trends. It’s a quantity and not quality thing, which explains why our elections turn out the way they do. Presenting ignorance as a plus only succeeds in convincing rubes. The ruse fails to alter how policies immolate when implemented. Still, perception is all that matters. Well, that’s not really true, but try convincing a Trump fan that tariffs are to the economy what pink marble is to good taste.
But the experience gained by failing to peddle bottled water is going to good use. Maximize faith by acting as if a committed loudmouth possessing Earth’s most authority is a selfless act. Their muscly dreamboat is bound to think of wise ways to solve crises. Have we tried lowering trade deficits by not buying anything? Tariffs should finally make us rich.