Insane and Insaner

Act slightly less crazily to inspire young people to change our world. Choosing between Donald Trump and Democrats is the same thing, noted the wag.  But one side is slightly less deranged.  I have to check which, but the distinction is crucial.  Don’t vote for the worse one unless we want to turn America into a mental hospital.  It’d at least seem more official.

As with 2016, there are more choices than the two.  Loathing Hillary doesn’t make you a Trump fan by default, or at least shouldn’t. Somewhere during the voyage to Insane City, the collective decided you have to be in favor of either wading in the swamp or the guy who boasted he’d drain it without ever bothering.  Any political move leads to greater debt without buying anything.  Now, choices are reduced to only two options in a country with 73 snarky fast food Twitter accounts.

The return to Manichaeism is an attempt to justify choosing one of two crummy paths.  Treating opponents like Hitler-hugging straw users is how contemporary political fans justify their lousy allegiances.  Are you telling me this is the same party that doesn’t understand economic incentives?  Slander is a lame replacement.

Republicans are so tired of being told they’re rapist-enabling woman-haters that they’ll vote for Trump.  Telling them they’re pro-sick kids not wanting this stupid government in charge of insurance may not produce the desired effect, either.

Seeing Democrats eat human babies at hearings is the best case for Republicans. That’s not much.  Forget doing anything useful like facing an entitlement crisis that’s going to consume us all on a bipartisan basis.  Lunacy from the other side enables the party with the presidency to get away with being as foolish as he’d like.

Those who claim to hold Trump accountable instead let him ramble as he pleases.  His ability to be less insane by comparison doesn’t mean you have to don a red hat with the cheapest lettering possible. Hasn’t the president heard of New Era?

Relying on foes acting like mental patients is a poor substitute for being useful on their own.  In fact, demonstrated madness allows the semi-ruling party to get away with replicating the worst ideas from their insane counterparts.  Now, Jekylls Hyde up our economic future with tariffs and unconscionable spending.  The Bizarro Bill Clinton is preempting Democratic policy goals in the worst manner.  It’s going to get pricey.

The president is known for never bothering to learn decorum.  Ranting in the Port Authority and throwing shoes at buses is now presidential. Lunacy is portrayed as beneficial because such baffling actions provoke even worse.

A pouting president’s critics join in to demonstrate they can manage even more velocity.  Nobody watching can distinguish which mental patient is the one who came up with the swell scheme.  Trump’s ability to make anyone he’s facing seem even more unbalanced is one of self-survival.  But it doesn’t help everyone else much.

Trump made same case in 2016, namely that the option in question is undignified and coarse and unprincipled and fundamentally ignorant and insulting and boastful and an inveterate liar and the opposite of clever and lousy at business and… well, the list could cause endless scrolling.  The difference is that he’s now president.  The lady he defeated is not, as he notes on the hour.  Preventing someone potentially more loathsome from sitting behind the nation’s fanciest desk is a selling point in its way.  But it’d be nice to have someone who is more than not someone else.

Donald Trump is not Hillary.  He will also not be the person he’s running against next as a matter of natural fact.  Most of a term we’d generously label unconventional has been spent announcing who’s not in office, which is a nice break from the reminder that there’s no way Russians tricked us into voting how they wanted.

I wish there was more to offer the public than semi-proof of literacy. Rabid fans are thrilled because of his ability to pick judges off a list in a way that’s technically pleasing to National Review’s editorial board.  But a true Republican should be reducing their importance in our lives, especially one who claims to be a radical cool dude upending the system.

But there’s little chance at progress when alleged fans apologize for what are supposedly his virtues.  Being rude and obnoxious is considered impolite in some cultures, so the president should be aware he may have to deploy more than sassy attitude while abroad.

The point of business is there are always multiple choices.  By contrast, politics features a regrettable one where one side is living in a dumpster while the other merely enjoys snacking on trash.

Government is wholly unlike the private sector, which is why normal people want nothing more than to be left alone.  That’s except to a president who’s spent his life rent-seeking, whose approach to problem-solving resembles his business approach in a way he’d prefer you don’t notice.  Some would cheer while explaining why tariffs are fantastic, anyway.

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Comedy Is No Joke

Viewers just want to giggle after a day of rough political news, so forget watching a comedy program.  There’s no reason to laugh when the world needs applause and cheering.  Funny shows are not funny if you wonder why everyone’s cranky.

Jon Stewart’s legacy is replacing laughter with something you’re supposed to think is righteous deep thinking. That’s the only humorous part.  Partisan late-night shows ruined one more little thing people used to enjoy, as a fragmented audience isn’t laughing itself to pieces.

Hosts should be grateful anyone cares enough to be irritated.  Twilight network desk shows are the Blockbuster of entertainment.  I’d be ticked if I were captaining a sinking ship, too.  Maybe the dull liberal white guys are so humorless out of resentment that viewers don’t view.  They’ve settled on fighting for crumbs and are thus appropriately irritable.  Take it out on the president.

A sliver of a ’70s audience is barely enough to survive, and that imperceptible bit of the pie chart is what networks have resigned themselves to pursuing.  The surrender-based strategy means the ensuing programs are more partisan because they don’t have to appeal to a broad audience.  Smug hosts don’t even need to attract funny people.

Such antisocial programming is fitting for our times.  Nobody gathers around the water cooler to discuss Stephen Colbert jokes.  Nobody gathers at all: everyone’s on their phones.  I’m not complaining, as the lack of socialization means less time with jackasses.  I’ll interact with you on Instagram.

Humorless late-night cynics would rather cast outsiders as enemies than inspire people to unite.  That’s great for ratings.  You’re a racist who wants babies to die, and also a jerk for not staying tuned in.  Maintaining your tribe’s share of viewers will have to suffice for ad sales.  Those left behind make up for quantity with zealotry.  Look for fans treating a monologue as biblical truth on Facebook the next morning. It’s always shocking when people who get their news from unfunny jokes think they know everything.

There’s nowhere to turn if you’d just like to listen to a few light jokes about the day’s events without scrolling through 73,000 channels on the guide.  You’ll find zero laughs if you stay in the single digits.  Choosing among Jimmy Kimmel, Seth Meyers, and the lamentably aforementioned Colbert is like deciding if syphilis is funnier than gonorrhea. Jimmy Fallon just conceals it better like the emblematic phony he is.

Conan O’Brien might think bashing Donald Trump is hilarious if anyone finds his show. His reputation took a dive when he moaned about being paid millions to not work in the midst of a horrific recession. Meanwhile, those exasperated by the lack of smiling can switch to Comedy Central if they want to guarantee no laughs.  The Daily Show sadly stays true to its name. South Park doesn’t start until midnight.

But choosing your own entertainment options is a small price to pay.  You may not even notice the subscription fee on your credit card statement.  Viewers don’t care that humor ends with the evening news. It might be because we already heard what’s happening on Twitter hours ago.  Anyone watching a glowing screen close to midnight likely chose the episode, which is worrisome for anyone gifted with a network program who substituted a lecture for laughs.

Get back here and watch what we tell you!  The comforting era of getting to choose from three channels is as distant a memory as newspapers.  People are their own programmers, which is the worst news self-important alleged comedians could ever receive.

We got pushed to change the channel.  Networks whine about vanishing viewers while spraying Mace through the television.  It’s like journalists bitching that the internet ruined their profession when their snotty bias dumped napalm on the blaze.

Never forget how wonderful it is to be able to go off on our own.  I thankfully can’t name the network evening news anchors.  Those poor folks in the past who wanted to stay updated used to unfortunately know the players because we couldn’t get the news otherwise except by sending an addressed, stamped envelope to the library.

Remember the good old days of polio and segregation?  I guess Johnny Carson could be kind of funny.  Then again, he was the only option.  Still, he maintained his monopoly by trying to not tick off anyone too much. He didn’t even accuse NRA members of killing kids.

Everything gets worse, and I’m an optimist.  Nothing sadly defines the state of comedy like having seen the joy dissipate as David Letterman went from a smart-assed iconoclast to a tedious haranguer.  His successors haven’t succeeded.  Those who genuinely want to help during the apparent Fourth Reich should realize they could actually help by letting people laugh.  Mocking Trump should be Earth’s easiest job.  And they’d rather snip than point out countless flaws.   That’s the least funny part about it.

Broke Selling Out

Say the president sucks to get rich.  Venmo payments are on the way, as such transactions take lots of time what with all the shipping and handling time.  Donald Trump’s critics make fortunes by having principles, or don’t.  It turns out there’s a lack of financial incentive in maintaining principles by noting what a flimsy rich guy bobbles.  This is an era for cruel but necessary lessons about how life works.  Having standards is its own punishment.

Conservative critics of an oft-liberal president are not trying to impress liberals, which is something I’d never have to think I’d explain until 2016 took that turn into the funhouse.  An inordinate number of Trump fans think the only reason to criticize someone meddling with our lives and wading through corruption is to curry favor with political foes. It’s almost as if they’re projecting. I can’t imagine anyone impressed by a guy who constantly insults others for weakness would be actually expressing their own insecurities.

Noting Trump is as obnoxious as he is clueless is apparently just a way to accumulate wealth.  Disregard that such a conclusion results because it’s what the evidence suggests. That’s how one is supposed to arrive at political stances, which is lamentable to have to explain.  I for one am sick of counting the fortunes I’ve made by finally giving up on Republicans as the least worst option.

Anyone who really cared about being in the Party of Coolidge would realize that membership creates an obligation to criticize obnoxious statism.  Excusing away clumsy overreach as awesome lib-owning isn’t much comfort when government dominates your life.  But it’s our side administering the spankings.

The worst part of being welcomed by Democrats is their refusal to split checks.  When it gets to you, it’s 173 bucks short, which is steep for mozzarella sticks.  It’s hard to get invited to sit with liberals when you point out how frequently Trump agrees with them.  People who haven’t changed what they bring to dinner have been banished to the kids’ table.  They’re sitting with principles, which are still better company than Bill Mitchell.

What would be gained by saying things to impress delusional semi-socialists? I’ve always wanted to be pals with Sally Kohn, but I don’t think noting the president overreaches like a putzing Democrat will do it.  Actual conservatives cringe when Hillary voters agree, but that’s the price of believing in ideas instead of exceptionally flawed people.  At least we’re not concurring on, say, taxes.  I’m a mass murderer who wants earnings to stay in pockets.

Responding to criticism says a lot about the person, which defines the president’s fans more than they realize.  The most frenzied supporters can’t imagine anyone would oppose Trump based on violating rules of decency and limited government.  Call everyone else a sellout while aligning with a charlatan of a buffoon whose loyalties are to anyone who praises first.  It’s not like the president is mouthy as compensation for insecurity or anything. Purported conservatives sure are fond of a guy wielding limitless power.

Politics are all about unity, claims the side that used to be about letting individuals thrive.  We’re also not supposed to give ammunition to the other side.  The most inspirational leaders tick off the other side instead of making adherents invent excuses.  Sean Hannity only has so much creativity.

Blame a president who throws trash cans at anyone who points out he’s presiding over a spending orgy which would make Barack Obama blush. The party is what a prototypically impulsive loudmouth decides it is, which makes it difficult to track.  We’re supposed to ignore how the emperor wears loud clothes.  Trump backers point out that liberals never criticize their own.  But the whole point is not being like them.
The way to stop handing them easy material is to stop creating easy material.  Blame whoever notices.  If the president doesn’t want mockery from his ostensible side, he should avoid engaging in bitchy Twitter fights while waging trade wars that are lost before they’re waged.  Spot political hacks by how they’re more upset at those who notice.

Being alienated from everyone is the reward for believing that government is clumsy and stupid even when a Republican’s in office.  Fox News concludes that Trump embodies conservatism, which makes it hard to get on a panel unless you’ve tracked how the president defines limits that morning.  The schism resulted in the most zealous cultists getting the cushiest assignments.  I didn’t say the universe was fair.

Believing that debt buys us nothing leads ostracized poverty.  The only prize is not having to invent reasons to praise a buffoon who embodies scuzzy politicians as he says he’s anything but.  Well, money is overrated.  Think of it like class.

Mitigated Morality

What does it take to invent an excuse for acting hideously?  Let’s ask our ever-objective media which affiliation entitles the bearer to commit offenses at will.  The Purge is only open to those with the proper party membership.

There’s a certain level at which horrendous conduct is ideologically justified if you were worried life had gotten too fair. You can be appalling as long as you maintain the proper stances. Remember to check that your views reflect proper leftist groupthink before committing offenses, as you won’t otherwise get bail.

My 14 years served in Catholic school naturally led to aligning with AC/DC.  The newest fans of the papacy are no longer theoretically aligned with me.  Abuse within the stodgiest of churches is now a partisan issue thanks to the media’s adulation of Pope Marx I.

The media formerly treated abuse by priests as a reason to condemn religion wholesale.  And the replacement lecturers possibly had a point about why we shouldn’t entrust spiritual salvation with earthly dolts.  There’s all the difference in the universe between what God says and people do, which almost seems like a lesson.  Remember that you can read the Bible and pray on your own.

Using what’s supposed to be the greatest force for good to enable evil should mean getting to skip the line to Hell, by which I don’t mean Disney World in this particular case.  The worst sort of scumbags deserve a preview here on Earth.  Oh, it’s just those who aspire to godliness embodying everything wrong with humanity.  Not letting them drag us down as they wallow in evil is the test for everyone else.

Francis is the first pope anointed a hero by a media usually invested in fighting standards.  Those who don’t believe in unabashed morality sure are convinced of their cause’s righteousness.  The dopey pope gets an unnervingly robust defense because he prays to Bernie Sanders about the economy.  There’s a pontiff who’s into taking your money to buy carbon credits, which is bad news for altar boys seeking justice for only getting a Milky Way.

The only useful thing about our rotten times is learning who exposes themselves as full of it.  Take what was needed for liberals to believe in market forces.

It turns out an oft-statist Republican president they despise agrees with them far more often than they’d like, which would be a key plot point in the movie about how they met.  Donald Trump and the Resistance can bicker about which of them is Meg Ryan and which is Tom Hanks.  Regardless, the incumbent’s frequent detours into imprecise meddling inspires ironic resistance to it.  Big-government goons suddenly think tariffs are bad, which explains why salesmen can sucker marks into walking out of showrooms with stuff they don’t want.

One of the only contemporary occasions for political enjoyment is hearing government fan club officers try to explain why they agree with Thomas Sowell.  It’s less fun that perniciously inane policies are now linked to both Republicans and conservatives.  But we can only hope voters learn to separate candidates and parties from principles.  Same hope will be in vain, which is a conclusion to avoid dwelling upon while coping with a similarly woeful present.

For integrity, check affiliation before deciding a corrupt politician is a scumbag.  Faction members excuse horrific behavior on one’s side, which is a reason not to join one.  The value of loathing everyone in office has never been more apparent, as it’s difficult to be disappointed if you expect corruption as commonplace.

True resistance counts on relying that those fortunate enough to get the most votes will try to rip you off while getting you to say thanks. Cite every single last example of these vermin taking what’s yours while ordering you how to live.

You’re supposed to forget the name of the guy who shot Steve Scalise just like the guy who shot up the Family Research Center. I’m too busy yelling at Ted Cruz while he dines to learn.  Crimes are downplayed as long as the targets are politically incorrect.  Keep the voting record of targets in mind if you’re seeking infamy.

Remove the name and see if you’d condemn the behavior.  Then return the name to gloat or conceal.  Stalling to determine partisan motivation is what news is all about.  How else would you know whether to condemn or excuse away: the evidence?

Agreeing with Kamala Harris should be a crime itself.  Instead, it’s used an an excuse to commit more.  An era for wallowing in moral equivalency features mitigation for those who commit disgusting offenses as long as they support the right causes.  If you’re surprised, please forget where your polling place is.

Fake Free Market Costs You

Free means getting your money’s worth.  On that note, there’s nothing liberal about liberals and the free market.  Their demented take on enterprise doesn’t even really feature markets, except in the commie GUM department store sense of the state providing you as much nothing as you can buy. Everyone gets the same empty basket for fairness.

Take the cheery progressive position that free enterprise murders the sick.  That’s the mean system we had before Obamacare cured our undeserving asses, right?  The only problem is that insurance was the Wild West in the same sense the DMV offers choice in license acquisition.  Thinking that we had competition in a health care system that regulated would be adorable if it didn’t cost currency and lives.

Think of going the other direction just to tick off liberals.  Imagine being able to buy the plan of your dreams from Geico or Progressive. Irksome commercials are a small price to pay for not having to rely on the government that brought you the post office to care for your health.  Being pitched a commodity by buffoons like Flo or that damn gecko is the byproduct of options.  If you think choice is incessantly annoying, wait for it to be taken away.

It’s hard to notice hunger while your stomach’s full.  A heartless capitalist would point out that buying food isn’t mandated and yet it’s virtually impossible to starve in America.  In fact, some of us could go a few weeks without meals and still only be in the ballpark of our ideal weights.  I blame the way you can dip anything savory in blue cheese dressing while putting Nutella on anything you want to be sweet.

Compassion means promising everyone gets identical care regardless of ability to pay.  In this case, said ability applies to a government that expects it can modify supply and demand.  In the same sense, vitamin C cures heart attacks.

We need more fairness in medical treatment, which is even more chilling to type than realized.  Sure, you’ll die on a waiting list.  But you’ll be guaranteed the same compassion as everyone else, and that equality should fill you with warmth as you expire.

Tariffs make Che aficionados into Ayn Rand junkies if proposed by the right person, which is to say the wrong president.  An oft-liberal executive makes liberals act like conservatives when he proposes something daft they’d embrace if the previous president added the right intonation.  Perhaps they despise commerce out of fear of being susceptible to a spiel depending on who’s making it.  So, that’s who’s preyed upon by timeshare salesmen.

Condemning infringements on open trade is rich from those who’ve been suckers the whole time.  Resisters smugly wonder why Republicans aren’t supporting open markets while never realizing that this means the party they hate worse than Goebbels is trending their way.  The top Republican agrees with them if they’re not cranky enough.  I’m starting to think that a party may not necessarily have ideals.

Getting people fired is a strange way to keep the economy humming.  People who claim they’re fine with the existence of choices gloatingly claim businesses have the right to can any worker who suggests a transsexual looks like a dude in a dress.  Even quoting the notion may keep me from being employable, as outrage detectives aren’t particular about evidence.

Twitter is free to ban any hater who thinks marriage involves two genders or that taxes take from those who earn.  Reporting dissenters is the righteous weapon of defense.  This particular version of exchange sure features lots of intimidation.  It’s the free market at work, claim those distorting it by artificially inflating demand for outrage.

Companies figure they’ll only see sunshine again by firing those who told inappropriate jokes.  In truth, they could let storms pass.  Everyone who dissents is basically a slightly calmer Alex Jones, which means we should feel lucky when accounts evaporate. It’s not market forces: it’s just force.

It’s no wonder casual statists loathe free markets when you see what they think they are.  Heartless conglomerates exploit you by making you buy affordable quality goods you either need to survive or merely enjoy.  The same wholly rational tolerant partisans think conservatives like suffering because they can selfishly profit off it.  Chain orphans to the assembly line until their little organs quit, following which they can fuel furnaces.

Those too sophisticated to allow simple trades see the act of exchanging currency for goods as exploitation.  Life is an endless Monopoly slog where someone must lose during interactions.  The exhausting zero-sum game embodies what business is like to those who loathe it.  They seem like the types who won’t buy railroads because trains create greenhouse gases.

The disdain for the simplest financial maneuvers reveals how little central planners trust themselves.  One can get a deal by negotiating, but that seems deceptive.  In the same sense, having to offer value is sure mean.  Being useful takes effort and ideas, both of which mean having to work to keep from starving.  We haven’t even gotten to a living wage, which is just another way of not having to earn a raise.

Capitalism is merely a word for people selling what they have while buying what they’d like, and a disturbing number of Americans find that un-American.  Why can’t we just share, wonder those who think wealth is a miracle that will be sustained forever if confiscated.  Learn about human nature now if the subject has been mysteriously elusive. Reality is a swell if cruel teacher.

Forward to the Past

Can you bring to mind the homecoming dance?  No?  That’s because you weren’t awesome enough to crush life that soon.  Ask anyone who peaked during gymnasium mixers about how wonderful yesterday was, especially compared to crummy today.

Schoolyard cool kids have their ruler.  Donald Trump is living in the past, which is bad news for those hoping 2018 would feature progress.  It’s tough to grow while reminiscing about how cool you were. Nostalgia is fun in limited doses but sickening if you have seconds.  It’s like that delicious ice cream place your folks brought you to as a child. Wasn’t enjoying a cone way better than paying bills?

The dedication to reliving purported successes is especially dejecting for someone who allegedly offers something fresh.  Moving to primitive times is his specialty, back when pink marble represented class.  Everything is about feeling secure for a president who allegedly shakes up things.  His cafeteria posse demands that he lead us back to the euphoric Stone Age.  If you have the right mindset, you can be the prom king forever.

Bitching about trading currency for goods is one way to bring back an earlier time.  I wouldn’t necessarily recall it fondly.  Trump sounds like he’s reading Springsteen lyrics as he laments factory jobs that won’t come back.  It turns out there is one thing worse than Bruce singing, namely spoken word performances of his tunes from someone the composer despises.  If nothing else, irritating the man who inflicted Glory Days on us offers something approaching justice.

As with the dull affectations of the ’80s most overrated wailer, the president misses the point.  See, we have robots that do manual work and thus don’t need humans to engage in drudgery anymore.  You can halt people losing work if you find a way to stop progress; Trump is trying his hardest. Next, smash the tractors to ensure full farm employment.

The Tyrannosaurus rex thought he’d rule forever until he lost that pushup contest.  The unwillingness to evolve reflects stubbornness that reality ignores.  It’s much like math, as entitlements are going to consume us regardless of our opinion about the existence of Social Security lockboxes.

Anyone frightened enough about factory job loss to cuddle up with tariffs should be learning new skills.  They’ll need training to find work oiling or counseling those machines who have become aware.  The same people who taunt fast food clerks about touch screens replacing them seem awfully attached to rote mechanical work.  Why move forward?  There’s no need to learn how to maintain said screens for a worthwhile career.  Smash the machines instead and return to the comfy rut.

The Star Trek time loop will never be escaped.  A president who’s obsessed with convincing us how cool he was can’t stop litigating the past.  It’s a great sign when a president peaks on the night he won.  Everyone loves a sore winner, right?

A presidency can be successful on its own terms.  Unfortunately, they don’t always conform with reality’s.  The two most important Republican planks are winning and not colluding.  Remember when both those things allegedly happened?  The party won’t let us forget. It will be 2016 forever.  We’ll relive the prison of high school while forcing small talk at a reunion with people we didn’t like when we were forced to attend class with them.  This is definitely Hell, and Trump has the devilish decorating sense to match.

We’re stuck in the 1980s, and not the good part where we got to watch The Goonies while zipping our parachute pants.  Trump embodies the lamest stereotypes about flaunting wealth.  Speeches and tweets let him constantly bloviate about his glory days like Uncle Rico only without the charm.  The best businessman who ever was should’ve signed Mister Dynamite to the USFL before he ruined it.  You mean taking on the NFL is unwise?

The president doesn’t even hearken back for the purpose of invoking purportedly innocent times.  The era of remembering classy eras is over.  We’re coping with the sort of person who thinks cheating with a Playmate is how you display masculine class to other herd members.

Trump can’t stop reliving the indulgences from an era replete with them. The tacky black glass that embodies his design sense represents the worst sort of ’80s throwback.  Can’t we get more Wall of Voodoo singles instead of stereotypical excesses?  Let’s just make money and flip off commies.

Let’s just hope the past will stay there soon.  The final Boomer president will hopefully conclude the most indulgent generation’s self-obsession.  Discussing their purported triumphs from ages past drags down this day.  As with those dull moments, the phony achievements of decades ago should all be left behind, including right now.

Bye, Us

Getting a curfew after moving out isn’t as liberating as hoped.  Our newfangled world of obsolete newspapers just led to bias being reapplied.  Users of fancy modern pocket computers finally thought we’d escape lectures. But graduating from reform school just led to adult sentences.  The whole point of the cyberspace frontier is to experience what we wish.  Instead, our customized news feeds get warped. Choose your own adventure books for adults all go to the same page.  We were supposed to have moved past the need for paper.

The internet’s greatest virtue comes in learning just how easy journalism is.  Most people do it in their spare time, including journalists. That group gets paid, which doesn’t seem fair, but at least it’s barely enough for a bus pass.  Being your own editor is not merely vaguely satisfying: it should serve the purpose of scaring the last remaining network news executives into begging for severance packages.

Fittingly, what we desire from news is simple: users just want to set up a feed and view it chronologically.  But billionaire virtual tyrants decide what you should see.  The act of benevolence isn’t even appreciated by consumers.  They don’t do it for praise: all they want is to track our every moves and see what they can sell us based on what we’re viewing.  The same people assail capitalism as corrosive.

Slanted reporting now takes the form of apparent cold cybernetic indifference.  News sites have replaced human editors with robots, who as just as lousy at their jobs.  See, they have human programmers who think foes of gun control and mandatory insurance want dead kids, which renders cold detachment useless.  The original fleshy versions can use alcoholism and a lack of souls as an excuse.

Bad programming ruins what should be perfect indifference.  Purportedly evenhanded algorithms think conservatives are straw-using Nazis. It’s uncanny how a news feed can be just as biased if it’s programmed that way.  Providers can now blame treating liberalism like objective effective truth on machines.  That’s not the lesson we were supposed to take from the Terminator movies.

Find a Facebook user who thinks the site’s well-designed to locate a lunatic.  Social media companies think they know what’s best for us despite evidence.  Our virtual overlords want zombies subsiding on dullness to sustain their empires of nothingness.  That’s why Twitter is up in your business when all you want from the app is to be left the hell alone.  Similarly, I forget most of what I followed on Facebook as they decide what I want to see.  It wasn’t like I chose to see those posts or anything, so they’re right to take the option away from me.  I think I’m hungry for my soylent ration but can’t sure until they tell me.

Social media should ideally be indifferent.  That would be far preferable to the present version, which let people judge for themselves.  You mean you’re going to allow for discretion?  What next: free will not only exists but is to be encouraged?

Free speech’s whole point is based in knowing truth is going to win out.  Instead, removing the option to see what you wish chronologically is the new way to bury dissent.  We can’t be trusted to figure what’s right, claim those who always get it wrong.  Liberal silliness is presented as not merely the only reasonable option but also as the only one at all.  Control reality in our pods for our own sake.  Can someone turn on the air conditioning?

An online cesspool has become so common we don’t even notice the filth. One of the blessings of having all the information ever literally at hand is how easy to walk away from the bastards.  In fact, it’s as easy as it is to say horrid anonymous things, which is an acceptable tradeoff.

But our online nannies don’t want us to ever endure the trauma of seeing unpleasant phrases.  We can’t just block and mute, as that would involve trusting their pathetic users.  What if we’re triggered by the initial trauma of seeing a mean post?  There’d be no way to move on with our lives then.  Telling off those who torment you before denying access or ignoring the putrid remarks means it’s too late.

The excitement of exploring knowledge on our own was supposed to culminate in an escape from slanted news.  But online news outlets just slid into the same muck pit.  Blaming the users for being suckers is one way to establish trust.  It was the sites screwing it up all along in one of those twists that news producers spend careers trying to find.  Does social media seem like a happy place ever since sites began dictating the experience?  If you think so, wait three seconds for replies calling you a fat nerd.