Showing Morton Downey Junior

Morton Downey Junior

Schlock has escaped from its cage and infected everything.  As reflected in President Donald Trump’s impossibly tacky golden-tinted ’80s design sense, America endures the worst sort of throwback.  Time only seems to be moving forward as we’re trapped by ideas that repulsed decent people before anyone had modems.

Specifically, we’re stuck on the best worst talk show ever.  Present American inmates inhabit a Morton Downey Junior world where the most dated example of confrontational TV ever has gone national.  Off-putting fighting wasn’t supposed to be taken seriously, but it’s now the baseline for discourse.  I miss when trash was honest. Those innocent times make today’s genuine anger even more tiresome.

Today’s tainted political ecosystem is reminiscent of what was broadcast three decades ago by WOR-TV, a delightfully low-rent channel known for chintzy local production values in the nation’s biggest media market.  The fascinating view they provided of tawdry New York City was both horrifying and exciting.  If you missed it, you can only be assured that the appeal was irresistible even if muggings were the only thriving industry.

A Gotham channel’s provincial take was especially enticing for a suburban brat at the state’s other end.  I was quite fond of the evening news, which was an intense version of the formula where metropolitan activity seemed relentlessly exciting in its frightening way.  It felt like my local news, only with the dosage upped.

The channel became beloved for its somehow charming series of purportedly valuable films, batty originals, and whatever syndicated programming they could score.  Their offerings also included a shocking local radio host named Howard Stern. Who could not watch while flinching?

But the queen fake jewel was Downey’s preposterous outrage hour.  His habit of screaming at scum-sucking, pabulum-puking liberals, to use his favorite description of those with whom he disagreed, typified the era’s amusing excesses.  Well, we couldn’t own jerks online.

I remember catching Mister Downey Junior’s embodiment of sensationalism for the first time.  He was bickering with Klansmen, which made it the perfect initial episode.  Did you know he opposed them?  It was a time for bold statements.  He concluded the feisty hour by righteously kicked them off the set.  Of course, I was hooked. Amused by his preposterous forcefulness and contempt for dissent, I had my political model.

Scolding, accosting, and chain-smoking were par for the course.  People didn’t tune in for William Buckley-style erudition: we wanted our right-wing ranting literally in the face of the opposition.  This was an era when commies were descending into cartoonish failure.  They were begging to be publicly humiliated.

The subtle political visionary frequently sparred with people who’ve become nationally notorious.  For one, the cheesy ragefest was the level where Gloria Allred belonged. It’s not to accuse her of seeking attention or anything, but she always practiced law in front of television cameras.  Now, you can actually find a certain brand of sanctimonious twits who respect her as an attorney. That shouldn’t happen for anyone in that particular inglorious profession, but it’s especially so for her.

And nothing that says more about our society than Al freaking Sharpton being taken seriously. The purported reverend was more tolerable when he was a race-baiting local clown with the girth and pompadour to match. Of course, he still left a trail of corpses which made his shtick less charming.  But showing up to argue with Downey was fitting for the guy who inflicted what he did on Crown Heights, Steven Pagones, and Freddie’s Fashion Mart.

It’s no surprise Downey interviewed a president if you’ve made it this far.  He notoriously interviewed a local real estate-flipping braggart named Donald Trump because of course he did.  It was the perfect pairing of someone repellant spewing hideous takes as he drew attention to himself and Morton Downey.

Downey was a visionary, sadly. He naturally didn’t believe a word he said.  The poseur’s not entirely novel strategy involved getting as outrageous as possible for ratings.  Sure, relying on shock is unsustainable.  But nobody cares about running out of fuel when the afterburner button is fun to press.

There was plenty inspirational about someone known for screaming about a position that’s a caricature of what people actually believe.  The blip on the cultural radar during the original Nintendo era featured a guy playing a character who adorably thinks nobody else notices.  Gee, can you think of a president who took inspiration from Channel 9’s trashy mascot?

The sideshow was taken nationally long ago.  Life feels dull while the rage never stops.  For one, the formerly enticing base for depravity has gone corporate.  New York is boring as the banks on every corner.  Everything that was unique is no longer.  Local color was co-opted by attention whores in other markets.  It is technically a culture even if it’s not quite refined.

Those who prefer substance to volume miss when Trump was a headache limited to Gotham’s tabloids.  We’re inured to the New York Post covering him as national news.  The damage radius increased exponentially past the Hudson.  I miss when the screaming was contained to a ramshackle TV set in Secaucus.  Loudmouths can be heard anywhere.

Advertisements

Really Good in Theory

The freedom to make choices is liberating, but at least it’s fulfilling. Hey: life is swell.  Such circumstances are limited in stupid reality, so don’t worry about overdosing on happiness.  But it remains true that philosophical and practical success are intertwined.  The satisfaction provided by autonomy leads to decisions that further self-interest.  That does mean accepting responsibility, too, so forget pretending utopia’s truly obtainable.

The willingness to advance together requires investing faith in people, so forget it.  Trust as policy leads to helpful ideas in theory.  They’re also horrifying to those who lust for control.  Ticking off those who want to boss us around is just an added benefit.

Guns are much more fun than something to dream about firing.  That’s not to downplay the satisfying bang and kickback upon pressing the trigger, which combine to be more exciting than racing monster trucks at the fireworks factory.

The truly thrilling part of our pocket shooties is how they can be used to dissuade or dismember those who want to take our property.  They will get nothing, including the very guns we use to protect the other items.

Math backs us up, and not just measuring calibers.  Crime has declined as laws focused allowing good guys to pack heat. Stopping felonious jerks sure is satisfying.  Do it yourself like a true punk.

The right to self-defense isn’t just something to ponder.  You should be rolling while aiming.  Continued existence is a lot easier if we’re allowed to aim at people who disobey laws by definition of profession.  Put criminals out of work by co-opting their business model, which presumes nobody will return fire.

The real-world effect of deterring the wicked is as fun as shooting the chandelier to fall on someone’s head.  Force potential attackers to consider new careers in public service.  Foes of being able to heave bullets rather quickly in the direction of evildoers note the possibility is unlikely.  But skeptics of human nature never realize it’s the very right to do so that makes it so. This seatbelt is unlikely to restrain me on account of the rarity of accidents, so I won’t bother buckling it.

Mutual commerce hurts both sides, according to a purported genius corporate executive.  The Trump administration is fighting the horrors of buying stuff from each other.  A guy who prides himself on negotiating special handouts isn’t big on competing.  But at least we see how making money doesn’t necessarily mean being good at commerce.

Volunteering to do business together is not just a nice idea: openness in peddling actually leads to people getting what they want at bargains they determine are worthwhile.  We can’t have that.  Government is about supervising which countries are allowed to sell us items.

Buying your own stuff seems risky.  Do you know to not buy the undercoating?  The extended warranty’s a ripoff, too. But perhaps people are careful with their own funds.  Trust us to negotiate with insurance providers or colleges for the best prices.

Still, life is only more expensive for greedy kulaks if we bill the collective. Making taxpayers fund our stuff means it’s free.  Subsidies cost nothing unless they drain the economy, and if that’s the case then who wants a job in the first place?

All those handouts sure make things costly.  There has to be a better way to teach irony than spreading poverty.  At least someone else is paying.  That’s the spirit of selflessness found in today’s generation of socialist helpers.

The urge to meddle is too much for politicians who think they’re paid by the restriction. Authority is like opening an oven to check on a soufflé.  You can just let the oven do its work, as your representatives think they know just how to make things rise. That’s followed by bitching about the temperature not working properly. Don’t believe for a second that messing with it brought deflation, as that’s just what the lamestream media wants.

Anything good in principle also has beneficial results.  Life is easy.  The only problem is it’s not.  Your rulers have to make circumstances complicated for your benefit.  They see people who are able to earn everything they can keep by virtue of being armed, and they refuse to stand for it.

Liberty is based in the need to trust humans, which is unpopular for good reason.  I mean: see how they vote.  But letting psychopathic semi-upright animals choose what they want is the best by default. Government is just a bunch of people bossing around the rest.  Don’t let some idiot decide for you.  Be your own idiot.

Cult of Off-Putting Personality

We won this time, which is important because living in the moment is our only option.  Future versions of us are just going to have to suck it.  Everything’s going great now, and that sort of forward thinking is sure to defeat denial.

Sure, cranky pessimists claim electing another Republican will be the only thing tougher than cutting spending, as the guy who fights and wins is making it tough to fight and win.  But the other side could nominate Maxine Waters if you’re completely depleted of hope.

Hating traded players is a tradition as old as sports.  Jerry Seinfeld pointing out that sports fans cheer for laundry shows the commitment to tribalism.  Party members should have more principles than loathing everyone who disagrees, especially since the only thing they disagree with is that voting for your guy is wise and decent while joining the opposition means backing Nazi baby mills.

Far too many Republican incumbents are linked to Democratic goals.  Take how we’re being lectured that trade wars are bound to leave no victims.  Yes, poverty will become more popular, but at least there aren’t explosions.  Welcome to Herbert Hoover time.  Are you enjoying the throwback?  Wear a fedora in a bread line to be a pure hipster. Infringing on the free market is sadly a Republican tradition.

At least we don’t have to pretend one party cares about us.  Some old-timers from last decade will gather around the grandkids and explain how the GOP would go through the motions of letting you make decisions.

The Party of Pence is supposedly for open commerce, although the punchline is predictable enough that comedians don’t even tell the joke anymore.  This particular side is now a businessman’s party, which is quite different from a business party. Favoritism tops indifference.  Are you insubordinate enough to suggest the president’s not smart enough to pick winners?

The legislature has part of one year to pass anything on for a signature. Government’s like that Ray Bradbury story where the Sun comes out for a few hours.  If you don’t see it this time, wait for the next rotation.  Congress is basically on vacation for as long as their terms, so remember that they’re underpaid.

Republicans are using their side’s limpness as an excuse for quitting, which is ingenious in its way.  Blame the smallest window possible for getting anything done.  Sure, they’re the ones setting the dimensions, but they’d prefer to not make this about architecture. It’s usually welcome for government to be idled, but there were all those stupid things the last president inked that this particular model promised to reverse.

This was supposed to be the guy who gets things done in case anyone forgot.  At the rate we’ve become  inured to obnoxiousness, that’s entirely possible.  We’ll flip through to the next preposterous outrage in 10 minutes, so brace for twitching.

The president might be able to set the agenda if he had some idea what he’s doing first.  Versatility can mean not knowing what’s next. An ADD kid lurching from one toy to the next thinks the president needs to get it together.

Thanks, Trump!  I hope being Hillary was worth it, as this completely different kind of officious corruption paired with massive federal squandering sure is refreshing.  I’m sorry to wreck the party, but Republicans are now in the position of being linked to everything a cartoonish, buffoonish mouthy New York City liberal says.  Irony is indifferent in cruelty.  He hasn’t been classy any more than he’s signed full Obamacare repeal, but beating the worst candidate of our times really owned the libs.

There’s a crudely patriotic theme to creeping government if you thought things weren’t different.  Unmutual types pointing out that a guy who often endorsed liberal silliness during his inconsistently consistent bouts with public life have been sent to camps, but at least there’s wifi.

Those gathered outside the barbed wire to taunt note we’re hateful America-punchers who wanted the president to fail just because we noticed he keeps failing.  The presidency doesn’t count unless winning for winning’s sake counts.  Sadly, these days it does.  Trump get things done, which is a curse if you don’t know how to ask the genie properly.

There’s no election today, so Republicans are in good shape.  Of course thinking of nothing but how to get through the next hour is shortsighted.  But at least it’s reminiscent of their most despised foe.  The Obamaesque suckering brings to mind that last crummy president who handed debts to the next generation as a sign of forward thinking.

It’s fitting that a longtime Democrat made the parties indistinguishable.  The defining characteristic is that everyone hates everyone else.  This isn’t what we thought bipartisanship would be like.  But it just proves the future’s unpredictable.

Unpopular Populism

Listen to trending music and tell me good ideas win out.  Populism is the absurd idea that people are smart enough to know what they need.  Go to any Aldi and tell me these are people you trust to run your government.  I’m sure there are lots of good ideas from nitwits who you don’t trust to merge in the parking lot.  That’s before trying to explain why, say, tariffs are bad for the people who like them most.

Nobody likes the wise course, so let’s mock those who suggested it.  Blame National Review and the Weekly Standard for not dominating discourse.  It’s easier than accepting that clever modern citizens might latch onto preposterous lunacy like the value of flipping off trade partners.

Those who believe in properly-strangled government have some nerve not making their ideas be more widespread.  Letting humans enjoy their natural rights while engaging in mutually beneficial financial transactions is for squares.

The refusal to turn down Dairy Queen for dinner is a sign we should trust kids to choose meals.  Contemporary politics are a reflection of the public, if you’re not already scared enough.  The Ramones had two measly gold albums as proof that the best ideas rarely win out.

Doze off to bitching by typically nuanced radio hosts who defend Donald Trump like North Koreans do Kim Jong-un, with the difference being only one gets to choose.  Failure is its own reward.

The same loyal lieutenants who couldn’t make the case for limited government now think it should be allowed to run wild because their BFF executive says so.  Sure, they hated endless debt in exchange for jack squat under the previous pompously inept president.  But this time is different because their guy won.

The focus on winning as its own virtue is the only way to make today sillier.  Anything the populace wants must be good, unless you’ve met said populace. The collective didn’t think out the precedent.  Obama prevailed in two elections, so he must be cool.  Thinking that winning is all it takes functions as a fun standard for otherwise wretched times.

A head of state’s crude thuggishness is to be emulated, depending on whoever won.  Double-check party affiliation to ensure you’re praising the proper goon. The only thing more frightening than what each respective mob wants to embody its virtues is how they think they’re for different things.

Frenzy victims break out of trances wondering why they’re boycotting My Pillow or whatever.  Those who got the vaccine watch with detachment as their core ideas about personal autonomy never change.    Human liberty will still exist when the latest faddish president is gone.  The shame of thinking we’re losing because we buy lots of things we want cheaply from China will remain.

All of life comes down to differentiating between what does and should happen.  So, that’s why everything sucks and we know it.  The disparity explains why we’re so damn miserable, especially when we’re capable of imagining that circumstances could suck so much less.

The sigh-inducing gap between the ideal and stupid reality has never been more apparent.  Our enlightened leaders charm us by bragging about burning our money.  Their adherents mock you for being unable to stop the blaze.  They never stopped to ponder about whether or not currency’s flammability is a good reason to drop napalm on it.

Followers never notice the cliff’s edge.  Take starting a trade war because their savior proclaims it’s patriotic.  Sure, getting mad about being sold things was a dated idea in the 1980s when Trump first curiously acquired the notion.  But we’re advanced now, which is why picking fights with those peddling us goods will make them want to offer coupons.

People getting what they want is a fun curse.  Modern smartypants types get all the downsides of an endlessly-expanding government, with the added advantage that the foolish pushiness is now blamed on the party that once ostensibly advocated for pillaging cabinet agencies.  Own the libs by doing everything they want with your own brand name sticker affixed prominently to the flaming fuselage.

The hive naturally argues against the free market.  Why would drones trust their own judgment?  Blind followers sadly provide the best example for their case by showing the facileness of their ideas.  The only thing worse than outcomes is how obnoxiously they’re implemented.  We get to hear why Trump’s victory proves sniveling insults demonstrates strength.  He was really good at getting to run against Hillary Clinton.

Life is about breaks, namely the ones you never get.  A president who thinks he earned everything actually fell into wealth and power, and his fans will never forgive you for not being a man of the people like a mouthy New York City liberal.  Why don’t you go along?  Life is a popularity contest, according to the most rabid fans of a guy who can’t get polls to go his way.

Yin Yang Yuck

Everything is all good or bad.  Up yours, nuance.  That’s all figured out, so let’s paint over all that dull gray. You can sense how subtle our era is by how self-worth is linked to whether you worship or despise the right politician.  It’s this one, not that other one.  You better not have supported that Hitler V. Koch monster. Align properly to let the president make decisions for us.  Why else would we vote?

Success or failure depends on which clown we endorse.  Sure, Barack Obama sucked in a unique way that only a messianic undergraduate who thought he could reorganize society could.  But that doesn’t vouch for his replacement.  Donald Trump seems like the opposite, so he must be amazing.  It’s important to not fall for the deranged cultish leader who demands fealty, and I forget which one I meant.

Today’s round of If Barack Said It has a predictable ending that the incumbent’s fans nonetheless find surprising.  Trump’s lurching statism serves as an obvious comparison that nonetheless is common because it’s so obvious.  Clichés become that way for a reason.

If the incumbent doesn’t want to be compared to his predecessor, he shouldn’t, say, scream at Amazon for offering goods that customers choose. Trump hates the comparison to the last personality cult-leading executive, so please don’t get under his skin my making it constantly in his Twitter mentions.

Sean Hannity may chop you with kung fu power for the sin of questioning his dojo’s sensei emeritus.  But it’s worth trying the crane kick. Hero worship is bad for any human, whether subject or adulator.  It’s especially so for those we elect, and even more specifically for recent victors.  As the combatants decide they shape existence through attitude, we have a duty to snarl while disregarding.

I thought we hated government.  But a disturbing percentage of Republicans just wanted their own bully.  Forget hoary debates about limiting federal power to obey the Constitution while promoting liberty, as they’ve been lost.  We need a leader who’s proficient at controlling events through executive fiat.  If it doesn’t seem like ego trips control events, it’s your fault for not being faithful enough.

Patriots should hate politicians by default.  The contempt especially applies to those they supported.  You should scowl at anyone you reluctantly chose as the less rotten among two horrid options to hold them accountable by swearing at them for every single dollar stolen from you to fund preposterous claptrap you’d never buy on your own for good reason.

But suspiciously demanding accountability would be disloyal, and America’s all about trust.  Are we really going to cynically doubt those who ascend into office?  We only elect through divine right, and I’m not going to insult the Almighty by suggesting some idiots win offices.  Those in power know.  They expect slavishness in exchange for representing us.  It’s a tough job.  I mean, look at us.

The most, um, fervent fans of the president do have principles.  It’s just that same principles involve cheering for whatever insanely counterproductive power grab the guy they voted for thinks is wise that hour.  Life is fleeting, so commit all your energy to helping the president’s self-esteem.

The president is a personification of our nation’s values.  Also, we are boned. Modern intellectual think a big-government real estate loudmouth embodies everything we love about America.  We must be incredible if he’s in the party we vote for, because we’re not docile zombies who let the president do the contemplating for us.

Trump’s most devoted devotees and arch-adversaries should focus on common ground, namely how they both let themselves be defined by whatever he says.  Each side doesn’t even need to let him finish his sentences. It’s convenient to have such strong personalities.  Feeding orphans to dingoes is horrifying as long as someone from the other party is the one taping bacon to their limbs.

The president who most deserves criticism gets the most adulation.  As an amateur, Trump could use pointed barbs to spur improvement.  Drill instructors, football coaches, and Gordon Ramsay only yell to get the most out of their charges.  But I wouldn’t dare suggest the president works for us.  He’s the boss of America, not head of state like some obsolete fogeys thought.

I’m sure Trump’s been right about everything, including the very fact that we should trust he’s right about everything.  Doubt is for that party that distrusts government, and none exists.  You just have to choose the right one.  Both can’t waste your earnings quickly enough. Tell the difference by how I hate you if you’re on the other side.

Stumbling Into Triumph

Infants know screaming will get them what they want.  Our problem as humans is that we forget the wisdom of youth as we allegedly get smarter with age.  Take inspiration from our 71-year-old president and his grumpy toddler approach to world events.

Donald Trump’s inadvertent negotiating strategy shows he’s insane like a rabid fox.  That particular animal should be on our national seal for the next few years.  Otherwise, he really thinks a trade war would be good for commerce, and that’d be disturbing.

Don’t you know how to bargain?  Suggesting preposterous notions is part of the plan.  See, he’ll suggest something maniacal only as an opening gambit.  He doesn’t spew odd notions that would get him committed under other circumstances because it’s what he actually believes: ranting lets him work close to his real goal.  It’s not simply that he’s as impulsive as a Catholic college coed who just learned spring break exists.

America is so great that it needs protections from competing.  Our antique president actually believes commerce-strangling tariffs spur an economy,  which makes it tough to claim he only pimps them as a ploy.  Take how he thinks a trade deficit means we’re defeated when all it means is that we bought things we wanted at an agreeable price.  We can’t have people deciding they’re satisfied.  What kind of anarchic free market would result?

Obsession with winning means turning mutually beneficial transactions into pointless competitions.  Avoidable confrontation is brought to you by a president who thinks an election win is for the sake of it.  Are you telling me that someone whose goal was being in charge has no idea to do once he’s made it?  That’s like claiming Trump’s incoherent when he pretends to be a conservative.

There’s good news if talking with Earth’s biggest liars leads to peace, but check the results and not promises. Remember that threatening North Korea was this subtle president’s plan.  He knew the planet’s totalitarian weirdos would blink in a way a grandma whose house he wanted to demolish did not.  The art of the deal involves suckering whoever falls for the same routine.

Peace will be here tomorrow.  Getting in the mind of a reflexive poser with tacky design sense takes empathy.  Sure, Trump hasn’t actually reunited any peninsulas any more than he’s built a foot of a wall.  But he’s good at running his mouth, and talking a big game is way more important than results.

Angrily bumbling into fame and the presidency has worked so far.  Why not do something with it now?  Our leader isn’t merely the street fighting champion: the musclebound freak is also a chess grandmaster, as he really seems like the type to ponder strategy a dozen moves ahead. Read his latest tweet for evidence that he’s calmly analyzing the situation with the future in mind.  It doesn’t matter what it’s about.  Throwing Chinese checkers marbles at his adversary is sure to discourage foes.

Bluffing with a pair of threes is a story about the sap who fell for it, not the cardholder. Thinking he’s planning his tantrums says more about the observer than the observed.  If you want him to be a ruthless schemer who gets what he wants, you’ll find a way to believe it.  Picture your dashing president on a romance novel cover, only burlier than Fabio.

Pretending that maniacal fits are pat of a negotiating ploy is just what a mental patient wants out of the process.  He’s totally going to scam you out of your pudding cup.  The consistent shortcomings may make it seem like he’s not quite the dealing genius he claimed.  That’s unless exploiting bankruptcy law counts.  America’s about the government letting you get unearned second chances, and also fifth ones.

Falling upward is a skill in its way.  This is an era where someone gets called a success because he developed his ability to brag.  Actual results are only checked by dinosaurs.  Were any of the real estate transactions that successful?  Who cares?  He got to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, and ends justify the means.  It just means this hasn’t ended.

Trump has lucked his way this long, which is the sort of example America needs.  We should always pray for the president even if we didn’t vote for him or would hope for the cable to snap if we were stuck in an elevator with him.  In this case, ask your respective deity if his dumb fortune would just please last through term’s end for our nation’s sake.  The only problem is we may end up in vacancy. But we can’t change landlords partway through the lease.

We can ignore Trump’s bravado if we put noise-canceling headphones on over noise-canceling headphones.  The administration is counting on people just boarding the subway instead of continuing to listen to the ranting gentleman on the platform.  He’s got the secret to immortality.  It’s in his shopping cart.

Here Now

There’s good news for everyone demanding a new society to replace our crummy mean one, as utopia’s already here.  That was easy.  Fixing our issues should always take no work.  That’s the best way to learn valuable lessons.  This and other wholesale ignorance is quite popular among those who think they know all. Take the popular contemporary pastime of demanding what we already have.  Check your fridge for lettuce before you end up buying a second head.

We’d be safer with background checks and banning automatic weapons.  So, be thankful those things already happened.  Gun experts who think clips are magazines would be surprised at how many of the laws they want have already passed. They should be glad that their dreams have been implemented.  Wait until they hear that crime’s decreased as gun ownership has skyrocketed, as it’s sure to make them rethink their fatuous take on human nature.

The existence of the very policies that stomping marchers say are needed to save us is a sure sign of knowledge. Those who demand laws from years ago this second almost seem disconnected from reality.  But it can’t be that those who think the NRA has blood on its hands fail to get how consequences work.  We’ve already passed most of the restrictions protesters want, so we should be immortal.  You mean this doesn’t end?

The free market revolves around shoving the poors into traffic for profit and merriment.  Make sure there are enough urchins left to chain to mining cars in our valuable acid caves.  Sadly, commerce don’t work quite that smoothly.  Our comrades should be pleased to learn we have anything but an uninhibited economy.

Laissez-faire has become lazy and unfair.  The constant intrusions into simple mutual transactions constitute one of the delights of the modern age.  We can get instant mortgages for houses we can’t afford thanks to the government’s habit of throwing money made it worthless.

Gas stations trust us more with their bathroom keys than federal agencies do with using our own paychecks to buy things.  In reality, it’s only statists who need their hands held.  Spot them by how they condemn the fecklessness of everyone else.

Compassion junkies oppose a free-wheeling system where one had to bring gold bars in order to get tonsils removed.  Health care kills, which is supposed to be against the point.

You’re supposed to feel too sick to notice that previous strains emanated from legal orders.  Did anyone stop to wonder why we get insurance from employers?  If so, they’d realize that’s why it was so damn expensive in the first place.  There are innumerable regulations designed to help that ended up hurting, which is a surprise if you’ve never met our government before.

Calling for more help to heal is foolish considering Obamacare fixed our bodies and souls. That brings to mind fun throwbacks like complaining about inequality after eight years of the aforementioned eponymous president obsessed with fighting it.

Barack Obama’s tactic of throwing bricks at the successful instead of building steps made the problem worse.  Unfortunately, he was consistent.  His arrogant infiltrations made care more expensive, so we naturally need to triple down.  Fixing problems with more problems is the same reason houses and tuition are so affordable.

“Could” and “should” are as different as rhymes can be.  What happens may not be desirable, which is a distinction lost on the winners of recent presidential elections.  Getting one’s agenda is now all that matters, even if it involves dropping napalm on the playground.  Eat flames, seesaw!  You can point out they won, which means we lost. There’s a reason they’re never happy despite victory.

Simple factual explanations about how we already have everything they wanted should inspire calmness in those shrieking about impeachment.  The shock will be replaced by horror as they realize they’re proposing remedies to their own schemes.  That reward’s almost worth it.

Seven martinis didn’t cause sobriety, so try nine.  Statist manipulation fails to work because we didn’t try it hard enough.  The lack of enthusiasm motivates the rallying cry of every commie looking at the trail of failures left by knowing what’s best for everyone else. You’d think they would be interested in tracking their amazing successes.

Our poor confused counterparts are actually criticizing themselves for why society sucks.  We should remove every awful thing they didn’t realize they were bitching about because their happiness is paramount.