Month: October 2019

Being Humans

Posted on by Anthony Bialy

People should be too busy stealing everything that’s not chained down to get anything else done. How have these coffee mugs not been removed? Maybe we’re more decent than the news sites claim. I mean, there are all these firearms lying around and we somehow remain not murdered.

Those who presume the worst don’t get humanity as a matter of ideology. Supporters of vigorous government think everyone else is rotten. Looking down on everyone a level of cynicism that even I can’t fathom, and I’m a professional. I would be more impressed if they weren’t so grabby.

Business owners rip off those that hand over or receive cash using magic spells not available to liberals. The ensuing resentment explains their contempt for capitalism.

Everyone is underpaid, according to everyone, as true value cannot be measured financially and certainly not by the puny paycheck received. But there’s nobody else to blame if you think the decimal point is too far left. The mutual exchange between both employees and buyers means the cash involved can’t only be agreeable to one side. Responsibility is the downside of interaction.

The foremost apparent instinct is to screw over anyone upon being presented with the opportunity. Your wallet disappeared into a black hole, and you can only hope those who have it in the other dimension mail it back with the cash gone.

There’s no greater mystery than why anyone puts money in the Salvation Army kettle. Where are the guns forcing contributors? The special personal cannons only the government is allowed to touch? Oh so compassionate liberals believe they’re deeply into helping each other, which is why they have to do it by law. There’s no institution better equipped to serve struggling humankind than the one that struggles to get buses to arrive on time.

Charity is the crazy notion that it’s possible to be decent without being taxed for the privilege. Rumors of assistance without coercion have plagued those trying to organize society into a collective. But it’s so expensive to hit a donate button. Instead, just let our sweet and kind government click for you, as that money is free.

You’re certainly not going to lose any of your own currency from billing the collective. Note which particularly selfless folks can’t imagine voluntary assistance to envision a particularly sunny disposition.

The desire for gun control reflects a lack of self-control. Anyone blaming an item for what a person decides to do with it thinks everyone else seethes with rage.

It’s normal to be wary of anyone who seems so furious they will grab the nearest implement to teach a bloody lesson to those who dare vote differently. You’ve got some nerve pointing out global temperatures haven’t risen. That evidence might deter some skeptics from believing in science.

The lack of understanding from our self-proclaimed open-minded pals comes from only hanging out with each other. Sure, nobody who thinks otherwise could stand them. But a few outside encounters could alter their insulated perspectives. The problem is our intrepid friends would have to travel past the Hudson to meet a firearms owner. Has that dragon-infested area even been mapped?

I’m not sure learning how the things they want to ban work is worth encountering a Red State voter. Sure, someone who hates gays so much that they’ll eat Chick-fil-A could explain how many shooties come out with each trigger pull. It’s just not worth the risk of talking to a bloodthirsty demon in human form who is seeking for the next being with a soul to fill with lead.

Why engage with those who vote differently and therefore favor evil? Those icky simpletons obviously hate minorities and gays so much that there’s no reason to actually talk to them and see what they like. Their vile habit of voting Republican means they’re out to destroy anyone different, not that they prefer a little less debt.

Only condescend to those who aren’t as brilliant as you, which is everyone, you smart cookie. Liberals know their plans will function so perfectly that they don’t need to try them in reality.

Maybe a bit more life experience would teach them how tricky it is to steer a company. It could also show them how people aren’t generally raging selfish lunatics. On the other hand, severe contempt makes one feel so superior. That’s why they never think of allowing anything to be done without force.

Projection is the core psychological issue afflicting angry pinkos. They think everyone else is as demented as they are, which would naturally mean we need strict controls on humanity. It’s too bad we can’t be as good as those who are better than us, as they wouldn’t need to run our lives. Mandatory insurance is just about to improve our health.

Broken News

Posted on by Anthony Bialy

How dare you sit there smiling. There’s a bad thing happening in the world that you have some nerve not letting affect demeanor. Don’t you pay attention to the news? Updates about certain events are brought to you by professionals who know what should be frightening, namely occurrences misunderstood by smug liberals who didn’t even think of majoring in engineering.

Nothing has changed since the days of newspaper vendors, so it’s nice knowing old values persevere. At the same time, people are getting stupider faster if you feared there hasn’t also been progress. The headlines telling the impressionable what should prompt panic arrive quicker. Presuming those limited enough to pursue journalism are capable of setting agendas is the only thing more foolish than the content.

You’re going to be a victim in a mass shooting by the time this sentence concludes. I’m sorry about the late warning, for which I blame the NRA. Pointing out such incidents are statistically rare means you don’t care about victims, according to the quite tolerant. You should be bathing in blood to righteously make your point about how a magazine limit would halt evil. Indignant shrieking is the only shield against bullets.

Let’s hear more about banning guns the lecturers don’t know how to work. More importantly, they don’t understand how humans work. Those afflicted with gun phobia freak out as they parrot fantasies that would be amusing were they not trying to take rights. Tell them an AR-15 fires 73,000 rounds per minute from automatic clips that dissolve flesh and eat souls as they travel through time and they’ll repeat it like a memorized multiplication table.

More importantly, those irked by rights don’t get that people are allowed to own the devices of their choosing. You don’t have to provide a reason, although being told you shouldn’t is the best one. Besides, the lawbreakers don’t listen. Bad people will particularly keep doing so if they know the virtuous are stopped by obeying laws if you’re really looking for victims to use for campaigning.

The environment is melting or maybe freezing today. Either way, weather things are happening and it’s your fault for using the thermostat. Your own personal conditions ruin what’s outside. My life within climate control is approved because I am fighting on the Earth’s behalf. Chilling at 65 degrees allows me to think of new things to ban. Metal utensils might get thrown out someday, so get rid of them now.

Climate goons are safe thanks to using children as shields from harmful rays. It’s always a sure sign an opinion is valid if cultists parade out brats to use as mouthpieces. You wouldn’t dare criticize a seventh-grader with a tenuous grasp on facts even for the age group, would you? Calling the bluff is mean to kids who are the intellectual firepower behind cases wholly based on reason.

Sure, you claim you’re criticizing using children and not children themselves. But the stunted technical adults are still indignant about the cruelty. Pointing out the lack of evidence and statistics is almost as bad as using little plastic tubes to consume liquids. Panicking about straws would be hilarious as a parody of irrational fear. Sip what you’re supposed to fear and destroy.

Changing isn’t always for the best. It’s not that your most obnoxious Facebook friends learned something important and evolved accordingly: they saw something preposterous they decided made them experts. The ensuing freakout is wholly in the manner of utterly rational adults.

The government must be able to help: it’s in charge, which means it’s qualified. Why have one if it’s not going to remove problems from existence? It better do something, as fixing reality is why we have a Constitution.

It’s going to be expensive. Daring to slow the rate of growth is the meanest form of mass murder. Hating the poor is the only reason to avoid draining cash from the economy. Sure, the programs designed to help burn through money like oil rig workers at a strip club with the same fulfillment. But the lectures from the sorts who proclaim David Koch got rich raping the Earth are weightier than math.

Our intellectual superiors express seriousness with reactionary shrieking after glancing at a headline. A story that wasn’t important yesterday is the only thing on their minds today. Doubling as moral titans, the ironically intolerant just know that Chick-fil-A hates gays somehow even if they can’t cite anything technical like a reason. Their emotions are all they need.

All the information ever accessible instantly was supposed to make people smarter. But technology has merely allowed the gullible to be frightened more quickly. Liberals use amazing pocket computers enabled by free markets to assure themselves they’re informed, not to check if government has ever made anything affordable. Radiating smugness accompanies glowing screens.

Being correct and moral explains why those who think gun control keeps Chicago safe feel the duty to despise those who disagree. People who think campaigns would be run the same way without the Electoral College have surely pondered consequences. A gun ban must stop criminals from acquiring them: nobody would commit a crime, you cementheads. What sort of supervillain would dodge a law? This isn’t a comic book movie.

Letting human ghouls set the limits for rights is surely the best part about instant news. There must be a response to something bad happening, ideally involving a new federal agency. The only thing worse than governing by headline is letting the New York Times decide what issue’s up next.

Unnatural Nature

Posted on by Anthony Bialy

Some humans haven’t quite figured out anything about our species. Everyone realizes there’s no instruction manual. But that doesn’t mean using Chris Hayes tweets as a replacement. Perhaps a bit of experience would help instead of lecturing fellow members about why they despise the poor.

Misunderstanding human nature is baked into liberal policies. Other than not comprehending any interaction, they can tell you anything you’d like to know about life. Lots of it should be banned.

A gun buyback would be by force if you want to know which side harbors violent fantasies. The side which thinks criminals will be stopped by laws doesn’t quite grasp how taking something from people would be upsetting. Simply comply with a mandatory exchange to an entity not involved in the original transaction funded by money taken from the compelled sellers in the first place.

As with climate warriors given indulgences to fly privately on account of saving humanity, only those who hate firearms are to be trusted with them. Naturally, they’re going to need objects capable of firing bullets at ballistic speeds to enforce this all. How do you get a job without experience or experience without a job? Also, how does the first gun used to force the sale of other guns get into the system?

The virtuous won’t change if forced to disarm: they’ll just be unable to defend themselves. The malicious won’t change without an implement, either, which I guess is common ground for those who live in a moral vacuum. That’s presuming they comply, which they won’t. That whole bit about choosing lives of crime makes getting them to behave tricky. I’m not accusing liberals of failing to think through consequences just because it’s true.

A government known for compassion as much as for efficiency is bound to cure us. So many volunteer to get health care from the doltish monolith that still makes you remove shoes to board a plane. Presuming terrorists wouldn’t have changed their methods provides such a comforting sense of security no matter how false. Throw out your Dr Pepper for freedom.

Medicare for all leads neither to caring nor medicine. You just don’t appreciate compassion. Awful care for everyone will bankrupt us all, but at least it’ll be equal. It’s so unfair that money can buy things as if there’s an incentive to earn more of it.

Taking it to fund stuff for all is sure to make every party grateful. Just tax rich bastards for the crime of creating value, as it’s not like they pay everyone else. It’s fine to grab from the most successful as if they owe success to crummy public schools and paved roads.

It never occurs to our mathematically remedial friends that the straightest path to affordable coverage is to make it easy to buy. Expecting Washington to do everything eliminates competition, which a few confused enemies of math somehow think enhances performance. You can tell government enthusiasts are not also sports fans, what with all the brutish force and ableist scorekeeping.

Failing to see that competition empowers buyers is the most crucial component of ignoring how things work. In the same way, employers can’t offer exploitative wages without a neighboring company attracting talent with a better rate. If they got this, they wouldn’t be Democrats.

Bitching about emissions as if the point was to generate soot is sure to encourage progress. Make sure to complain about greedy use of resources from well-lit and climate-controlled dwellings to maximize obliviousness, as it shields from harmful UV rays. Power is accepted as always being available by ingrates, who won’t learn to appreciate it until the light switch fails to produce results. Pyongyang teems with Earth warriors.

Acting like pollution is generated for fun is common to all who loathe profit. Professional pinkos see only downsides of enterprises that bring civilization. Meanwhile, those who refuse to accept basic tradeoffs propose lunatic solutions that offer almost nothing but drawbacks.

The only upside of windmills that devour birds and scar the landscape is that they usually don’t work. Needing power plants that actually function as a backup hurts Mother Earth’s complexion. Big dreams didn’t quite remain upon waking. Like letting the kids make dinner, you’re going to end up hoping Fritos and Popsicles are nutritious.

Those who need control over basic interactions are undoubtedly concerned about freedom. Refusing to trust humans to make decisions benefiting themselves is the most joyous part. Similarly, the compulsion to legally limit rage totally isn’t projecting their own concerns onto others. Pushing policies by force is a sure sign they’re worthy. Note who doesn’t trust others to participate voluntarily. It’s no wonder they hate markets.

High Crimes and Lowlifes

Posted on by Anthony Bialy

Impeachment paranoia is the worst ’70s throwback since 8-tracks. Hipsters will soon be assuring us the sound fidelity from the clunkiest option is the best. At least one is justified.

Donald Trump’s sworn enemies do everything they can to make him feel he has a right to whine about being persecuted. The president’s deep state insider globalist fantasies about this one thing might actually be marginally based in truth, which is a first for him.

The top issue is whether the president should be allowed to deal with issues. A person new to the nation would think it’s this weird boaster’s job to defend himself from charges he should be serving time instead of a term. The whole point of our system of government is apparently trying to prevent a sacking. I’m glad the American rookie would be under the impression that stalling is by design.

Slap fights about removing the president serve as unofficial checks and balances. This exhausting siege keeps government from doing anything new, which is an inadvertent blessing. The only downside is there’s little chance of removing all the dumb stuff it already does.

Fixed battle lines are fitting for an era featuring feudal loyalty. Removing a president has becomes\ like trying to depose a royal. The king’s actions are irrelevant, as his guilt relies on whether or not you think he’s ruling by divine right or is an imposter mocking fate by claiming a throne that is not his. Constant threats mean having to keep one’s head swiveling. A lack of sleep explains why everyone is so cranky.

Driving his rivals to hysterics is a natural side effect of exuding crudeness. The base reaction to such appalling conduct spurs irrational sputtering. Trump’s superpower is dragging everyone into the pigsty with him. It’s hard to tell who’s filthiest.

Eating mud does not make presenting a case to the public look more dignified. The resistance couldn’t help him more if they tried. They already did so with their Czechoslovakian-style doctrine, which he can gesture to by contrast. Constantly trying to slap handcuffs on him has fueled his ranting, and you almost can’t blame him even if the tone could be a little less mental patient-y.

Removing Republican presidents is such fun that there’s no need for a reason. Look for an offense, then impeach. You may have noticed this is perfectly backward. That makes it just like everything else they believe, so here’s to consistency. Clumsy federal invasions looking for problems to solve are just like their approach to incarcerating a president they’ve dedicated their very full lives to loathing.

Trump’s free throw on the technical foul ends up in the rafters. The cycle of miserable rivals inadvertently handing each other ammunition ensures the conflict never ends. Sputtering about undoing the will of the people is a great way to pretend to be noble. Firing the president may be warranted. The whole reason impeachment is available as an option is if he’s stealing from the till. Now, make sure your camera isn’t visible.

As a sign that we have no options, Trump’s minions use the same arguments deployed by the spouse of the lousy candidate he topped. It’s fine to be a scumbag as long as the economy is swell. You have some nerve cancelling out the will of the people just because the president may have committed high crimes and/or misdemeanors.

It’s entirely possible Trump isn’t proficient enough at sleazing to have risen to the level of deserving time in the stocks. Being a scumbag is only a crime as a human being, not against the Constitution.

The best case for Trump getting to keep smirking from the Oval Office is the plot to eject him from there before he even moved in. Pretend rebels have been fantasizing about arresting the president from the moment it became clear Hillary Clinton’s contempt for Wisconsin was going to keep her from delivering her precious line about smashing the Javits Center’s glass ceiling.

Trump is punching toothless sharks who never stop pursuing him. The harassment is only endurable thanks to the harmlessness of the bites. There’s no sympathy for the intended chum.

These quasi-scandals are surprisingly boring. Theories about Russian assistance were so daft that even Russia doesn’t believe them. And trying to track what Ukraine was or was not bullied into doing is not the best way for people to learn that particular country exists.

You think he’d at least incorporate adultery into his purported wrongdoings. Executive lickspittles would claim a special hug with a lady who’s not his spouse proves he’s an alpha stud popular with the ladies. As with everything else they believe about their stud muffin, the reality is infinitely boring compared to their disturbed daydreams. You’d think a bet on him doing something impeachable would’ve paid off by now.

Big Government, Now Bipartisan

Posted on by Anthony Bialy

Donald Trump is inexorably linked to Republicans. A golden anchor would weigh more were it not merely spraypainted. Isn’t stability grand? You must live with your sins forever, which shocks those unwilling to confront America’s horrifying debt. There’s no reason to fret about paying tomorrow for what you can buy now.

I hope embarrassing everyone into submission is worth it. Trying to get ahead quickly has worked as well as getting rich in the same manner. You might have thought you found a good dealmaker, but Satan swindled an arrogant buffoon too shortsighted to realize entitlements cost a bit more than has been deposited in the lockbox.

Social Security is an even worse deal than Trump University tuition.  Naturally, a president who boasted of fearlessness won’t touch it. He continues to force us to participate, the key to business Trump never accessed previously. Casino patrons are allowed to leave, which is a major commercial design flaw government has eliminated.

A boasting oaf who ruined the USFL is sure to dominate China, at least when it comes to making our stuff more expensive. Hong Kong is armed against tanks with their own fists.

Thinking trade is a loss unless you humiliate your partner explains why this dealmaker goes through marriages like bankruptcies. Trump’s admiration for power no matter the context is sure great for a party once nominally affiliated with liberty.

You’d best obey his demand to be worshipped, not that anyone would insolently use the free will he gave us to dissent. Primitive notions like right and wrong are for low-energy losers who worry about eggheaded intangibility.

The present president craves telling you what to do. Yes, you. He cares about commoners so much, according to his more ardent volunteer henchmen. Overcompensating for insecurity is inherent to his personality, which creates bad precedents for a president from a party that’s supposedly for reduction of meddling.

Republicans should scold the oaf who commandeered their party when he boasts of making the tides come in. They actually do so as often as deficits decrease.

This emblematically immodest human doesn’t think others are capable of even approaching his greatness on their own, which is yet another reason why Republicans shouldn’t back someone who spent most of his life in that other gang.

Awful ideas about why undeserved authority should be preserved are now inherent to the side that formerly went through the motions of limiting it. There is one thing worse than being told what to do by those least qualified to order it, namely Democrats now getting to mock rivals for favoring the same obtuse brutishness.

It’s not like the Party of Clinton is now into freedom. The professional busybodies either want you to forget how they think tariffs are cool or hope you believe they’ve become Ayn Randian zero-government trade purists. Flip the parties and nobody would notice. A childish revulsion to whatever Trump likes is a type of guiding principle.

Voters hate having to think about more than insignia, as reviewing individual policies constitutes too much of a burden. There are countless Netflix hours to binge, which means nobody can be counted upon to know which side is presently running up spending like Joe Biden at the arcade. Wasn’t that one side for profiting? It’s run by the guy who says he’s awesome at business, so that’s all the proof needed.

It’s only remarkable how little thought is given to actual positions if you’ve never heard of this particular president. You’re lucky. Trump does his homework on the plane heading to school.

Distinguishing between which side hates what is trickier than ever. It’s got a label on it, and the logo will suffice. A disturbing percentage of voters has to see the affiliation before deciding what they support. Tariffs are now cool for the party of free enterprise.

Nobody can identify the party without labels. Republicans fail the Pepsi Challenge. This is a good time to point out the unpleasant sulfuric acid-flavored communist alternative only won a sip test because it had more sugar. Diet Democrats propose ideas based on consuming more sodie pop, and they’ll totally never flame out by flatlining on energy.

There’s nobody left to defend liberty, but the right to be unbothered in fine shape otherwise. It’s sort-of fitting there’s no political party committed to reducing the role of political parties. Hoarding authority is now the official platform of every entrant.

It would still be nice to have a president who doesn’t want the job. You may be shocked to believe the current one is more invested in style than policy. Someone claiming to be classy cannot be the total opposite, right?

I have bad news if your primary goal is to not be troubled. The sweetest, saddest Republicans still presume an all-time egomaniac with access to massive power is instinctually inclined to reject massive power. Telling others how to live is Trump’s dream job, so let’s review that hiring process.

Success used to take the form of selling a board game nobody has ever played.  Now, Trump finally transformed something. The object in question is a party that at least used to pretend to obey the Constitution. Wish the best to those trying to maintain that triumph was worth napalming ideals. Bankruptcy isn’t just for his companies.

Cry to Prosper

Posted on by Anthony Bialy

There are no more genuine tears than those shed because someone invented in one’s skull is suffering. Those poor fake people victimized by cruel Republicans have suffered enough. Mental space devoted to weeping leaves little room for thinking.

Passing legislation to alleviate imaginary agony leads to it intensifying. Sob stories are favored by those who don’t bother thinking out policy to care about fellow humans. Intense invented suffering is surely a wise thing upon which to make the decisions about how much government should mess with us.

A forlorn worker supporting a family on minimum wage is such a sad notion that they don’t even track down examples. Real pay increases come through negotiation and value. But fans of adjusting the rate upward by mandate see humans as creatures who are unable to earn advancement.

It’s mean to suggest everyone is capable of competence. True humanitarians would prefer a prole is never hired at all, at least based on their willingness to ignore how challenging it is for the overpaid entry-level class to find positions.

Your unwillingness to communally fund school through 16th grade is callous. It’s like you think everyone shouldn’t spend six or seven years learning to smash capitalism. Nobody can afford college, which you’d think would teach them the lack of value in the complete works of Antonio Gramsci. Yet the primary lesson of majoring in uselessness is stubbornness.

An art history degree adds incalculable value to the world. No: there’s really no way to figure out what something like that is worth. It must be priceless like the pretty pictures studied over the course of 30 credits. All that time contemplating beauty leaves little room to consider that grants and subsidies are the very reason college costs so much.

It’s actually the mean conservatives demanding debt be paid who want more college attendees. Cash handouts spurred the unfathomable tuition increases that I regret to inform you will not be remedied by debt cancellation. End meddling for affordable degrees. Perhaps consider majoring in economics. Math is mean in its indifference to tears.

Basing policy on pitiful examples creates more of them. We must drain the economy to fill it. Stop pointing out the strategy’s pointlessness and grab a bucket. Money shows up in one’s pocket without consequence if doled out by the government.

Don’t ruin our manic shopping sprees with your geeky takes on motivation. What next: debt doesn’t evaporate if you declare it so? Tell crime victims that nothing was stolen to make life safer. I’m uncertain this bold plan will work, although Elizabeth Warren seems convinced. Don’t you dare tell her that calories consumed while the lights are off still count.

Meddling creates more victims to assist, which provides tremendous value to those who have invested their personalities in deciding everyone else is a wretch who needs help.

Liberalism create such value that adherents need to force others to take aid by law. Their targets couldn’t trust people to earn their own, as there’s no way those for whom they care so much could be sharp enough to earn on their lonesomes.

Without poverty, we would never know the unfortunate existed at all. That horrific possibility would prevent us from connecting with our fellow humans. A middleman is bound to create efficiency, according to those who claim corporate retail swipes souls.

A government agency’s purpose is to put itself out of business. Yes, I’m laughing, too. But the truly useful program would be obsolete from spurring prosperity. Instead, every oh so selfless assemblage of worker drones perpetrates itself eternally. The hive’s overarching goal is staying in business, especially since it doesn’t involve participating in business.

Washington doesn’t create anything if you’re new. Getting funded by involuntary investors who can’t withdraw is a sweet scheme. Those on the inside presume conglomerates that actually offer desired products also grift. It’s almost like the description doesn’t match the actuality. There can’t be a broader lesson, so please stop digging.

Who puts money in the Salvation Army kettle when not at gunpoint? The presumption that those who are blessed won’t assist on their own constitutes the most miserable view of humanity from those who claim to love it most. Mandatory assistance convinces everyone involved that there’s no reason to be decent voluntarily. Innate inefficiency is the least worst part of helping others by order.

Have we tried making people care more? They can’t disagree if there’s a law. Those exploiting teardrops are surely thinking clearly, which is a hallmark of every liberal initiative.

Our social betters who claim they are dedicated to ending misery ironically create more suffering. Direct payments to end poverty actually perpetuate it. But that’s only because greedy earners weren’t forced to give enough. Care harder to fix it.

Never Mind the Bollocks, Here’s the Pistol Owners

Posted on by Anthony Bialy

We’re waiting for the next Clash and stuck with whoever the hell Billie Eilish is. Everything used to be better, wails everyone once they reach a certain age. And geezers are right in a crotchety way. Experience with misery can lead to sort-of wisdom.

Even the old lousy times were improved by better coping strategies. Take how the stultifying avocado 1970s became bearable thanks to those snotty enough to realize you only needed three chords to express irritation.

Misinterpreting punk is a popular hobby among those don’t have anywhere to buy Ramones shirts since Forever 21 closed. It’s cool to see oneself as an outsider, especially for innate joiners. Squares pretending they’re insubordinate do everything they can to preserve power. Maybe the Chess Club is tearing down the system from the inside. That’d explain why their ludicrous policies inflict such devastation.

Amateur punks shouldn’t be pissing off people without context. Worshipers of Earth’s most powerful person pretend to be rebellious as if they stuck it to The Man. But they’re just wobbling behind a rather limp version of authority. The only reason Donald Trump wasn’t allowed at their lunch table was his uncouthness. Mouthing off is only impressive when done by the articulate.

Look up why others loathe something before endorsing it. Voting for Trump just because Democrats hate it is sure to put society in its place. Irritate someone who earned it for worthwhile reasons. It’s too easy to get a reaction cussing at the bank.

Say something that aggravates others because you mean it, not just because those listening are offended. Ticking off people is a byproduct of integrity, not the goal. Acting contemptuously without realizing why might lead to the White House, but it’ll never create authenticity.

Hating both Trump and Trump-haters is the truly revolutionary act when both dull combatants scuffle to impose the same interdictions on us. True punks see the same tendencies in factions that are so angry at each other precisely because they’re so similar. Both are obsessed with making humans submit.

Republicans now attempt to reign with patriotic undertones, which makes wielding massive domination that much more contemptible. Proud Boys engaging in cosplay rumbles with Antifa show why the truest option is to cheer for bruises.

The president’s shock squad is so consumed humiliating the libs that they didn’t bother to check how many of their policies overlap. It’s shocking how little thought Trump fans give to policy until you realize why it’s not.

Refusing to rely on government is a foreign notion for supposedly rugged individuals. Washington is now used to make dreams come true, which doesn’t say much for their power of imagination. Classy zealots are too busy coming up with clever insults about physical weakness and disloyalty to think out why purported conservatives used to pretend to oppose getting bossed around.

Political participants addicted to tribal membership. Well, joining a lodge makes it easier to think, namely by letting you stop doing so. Save wear and tear on brains by letting the president make decisions. Fealty is the whole reason for electing someone, right?

You’re not going to support a president then keep trying to come up with thoughts on your lonesome: cash in your loyalty and let your elected messiah take on that burden. The savior is happy to absorb such trepidation. That’s why we only select the very smartest person to perform the job. Ask him for instantaneous confirmation, as it’s illegal for a president to lie.

The do-it-yourself aesthetic is as obsolete as records. But who knows what could make a surprise comeback if vinyl did? Waiting for someone else to help is as lame as ignoring mathematics. The entitlement crisis consuming our futures should alarm a president who’s supposed to be a business titan, but he’s too busy spending what’s yours to notice the specific figures.

Begging for approval is what being an individual is about. Voters who claim to back a tough guy admire how he’s earned everything except all the stuff he was handed and frittered. The incumbent inherited being a Trump unlike you poor idiots who weren’t smart enough to have a rich father in your chosen field.

We’re supposed to get decent music out of an overbearing atmosphere. That’s how poor souls coping with a Jimmy Carter presidency got through malaise. It’s no coincidence that 1977 saw the apex of middle finger rock. By sad contrast, those angry about anguish have to rely on what are now oldies stations. Those sick of this needs SiriusXM to listen to the Dead Boys.

Like all the creative output, everything was better yesterday. Nothing engenders feelings of hoariness like today’s pop. Every generation says it once they reach a certain age, and I’ll participate: present atonal shrieking sucks to the point it doesn’t meet the definition of music. Whippersnappers are so listless because they’ve never even heard an amplified guitar.

True rebellion lies in knowing anyone elected is trying to rip us off. Punks should never trust a politician and certainly not this particular one. Trump is an insider who always wanted to be there but couldn’t buy admission. It took Earth’s worst possible foe for him to win the office. Call him a wanker like anyone at the top deserves. An alleged straight talker will appreciate the feedback.

There’s never been a better time for melodic aggression if anyone sick of being told what to do wants to pick up instruments. A record player doesn’t count.

South Parked

Posted on by Anthony Bialy

South Park was my favorite show. I learned something today. Maybe it’s still at the top if I can cut off recent unfortunate seasons, which is a surgical hassle I wish I could avoid. It’s not that many episodes to excise by percentage: I’m thankful to have enjoyed something for almost two decades. Now, it’s time to be ungrateful.

Nothing’s more important than what one cranky internet fan declares about a program’s present hilariousness level. But my proclamation reflects the woeful state of what was once a hilarious show more than just my hot take. The bad sort of weirdness set in just as they embraced the same takes as The Daily Show.

Every decent person’s favorite pretend handmade animation got that way precisely because it didn’t feature haranguing. Now, they preach like those they used to mock. The best television avoids smacking viewers on their noses. Breaking Bad is the perfect show about the consequences of poor decisions made by those who think they can control outcomes. I find dealing with Mexican drug lords funnier than Randy running a marijuana farm.

The recent turn toward being ideological is particularly unnerving given how South Park used to be the precise opposite. Let’s say they were flexible about what they endorsed. There’s nothing quite as liberating as willingness to mock everyone, including those in agreement.

Teasing your own side isn’t merely a sign you can take a joke: it’s also a good business decision for satirists, as making fun of what you believe signals a lack of self-seriousness. Seek material wherever it’s found, including from yourself.

Anyone who noticed the government sucks at everything appreciated how South Park agreed in their relaxed way. They displayed a libertarianish attitude toward politics without waiting for cues on what they should believe from a radio host or president.

The contempt for authoritah was intrinsic even when they were unpredictable in particular episode’s opinions. The general interest in people being left the hell alone prevailed.

But the show has grown strident with age. Trey Parker and Matt Stone have noted in recent interviews they are older, which I guess is factually accurate. But changing is foolish if it signals regression. Trending in the direction of sanctimony isn’t a sign of maturity, especially for a show once dedicated to opposing it. Who is silly enough in self-importance to get more liberal as they age?

I’m still waiting to laugh while watching the current season, perhaps when the lectures are over. The second episode’s best quality was being better than the one from the week before, which is a bar almost as low as being funnier than Family Guy. The opener’s dull complaints about migrant centers could’ve been shown on MSNBC.

The trend is as unfortunate as spending an entire season chasing trolls. Their recent panicky reaction to school shootings was especially weak from the show that once pointed out child abduction is rare no matter how insensitive the irrationally shrill found it. And their regret over mocking Al freaking Gore, of all people is hideous from a show that stood against hysteria about the Earth melting. The most outrageous thing to say was also the most levelheaded.

I hate to sound like a Slate snot indignant that a show has deviated too much from my personal stances. They have some nerve not doing jokes that conform to my worldview. But they’re not landing. Its subversiveness came precisely because shows didn’t peddle the typical conventional lack of wisdom. Worst of all, it’s just unfunny, and not just because their views resemble those of tweeters I’ve muted.

Recent shaky years have featured storylines that are not strange in the usual way. Episodes are more baffling than delightfully surreal. Blame the serial nature where convoluted plots continue over episodes instead of the self-contained narratives that used to be a signature. That’s just one reason the current broadcasts are going to bite as repeats. Let me tell you how to make a show properly as a viewer. Still, I don’t have to produce my own to know which ones aren’t joyous to watch.

The erstwhile iconoclastic cartoon is not merely fading: it’s going against what made them worthwhile. South Park joins Howard Stern, The Simpsons, and David Letterman as those I’ve not merely admired but worshipped who turned heel. All became humorless cranks delivering screeds, which are easier to write than jokes but tend to be less funny. At least, they aren’t on purpose. The people they were hate who they became.

It personally feels depressing to not care anymore. I can’t think of a show which has has a bigger impact on my outlook, which is good because one that intertwined with life is enough. South Park may not have taught me irreverence, but it sure enhanced the quality.

I’ve been watching since before I was legally allowed to drink. The show’s now of legal age. I’m expressing my gratitude by bitching about something that’s entertained me for countless hours. But I paid for cable and watched the commercials, including those for Comedy Central’s uniformly unfortunate programs. I would’ve preferred taping a dollar to the screen.

Uneven complaints about politically correct culture were the last hurrah. Now, I have to check what season it is before I watch, which might motivate me to go outside and interact with the world. That horrific outcome harms my plans to sit there and do nothing but vegetate until dawn.

I’ll always associate Wednesday at 10 p.m. with construction paper come to life so it could curse with purpose. Despite my bitching, I will undoubtedly keep tuning in out of habit and hope. But I’m only anticipating chuckling at past swears. I hate those stupid Member Berries most of all.

Debate to Not Debate

Posted on by Anthony Bialy

It’s pointless to argue with people who’ve decided you’re a diabolical moron. Well, that’s a relief. Understanding what natural rights are is anathema to statist warriors who can’t even conceive of voluntary interaction. You terrible fools require constant supervision, note those blessed to be enlightened enough to boss around the rest of us rabble.

Those want something free refuse to debate anyone dumb enough to want price tags. Point out that someone else is covering the bill for every item federally classified as complimentary to be branded heartless. Beg for mercy to have it applied to skin not shown publicly.

The branders have no time for tracking transaction history, as it’s not them paying. Sure, that money was taken from someone else, and it could’ve been used to pay workers more. But they prefer a different type of invisible hand, namely one pickpocketing rich jerks.

It’s hard to hear gunfire over the sound of explanations why it should be banned. Continual ringing is why gun control fans never hear explanations of what semiautomatic means or the difference between clips and magazines. Machines that propel bullets are frightening and noisy, as you’d expect weapons of war to be. They all could qualify, technically.

Why do you oppose safety? Every firearm interdiction is based in the notion it must work. Politicians prefer NRA blood-streaked cash to protected kids, as felons never disregard bans. Preening makes it hard to notice how crime has plummeted as the right to own then carry guns has spread. Statistics are mean toward those who think they’re the only ones who care.

Every description about the scariness of scary shootie machines notes that they could be used to kill. Isn’t there a disclaimer? Those revealing frightening truths about firearm functionality somehow neglect to note bans only prevent the law-abiding from having them. The right to fire back is both implied and explicit.

Pointing out free people’s right to fire as they wish scares those who can’t imagine the joy of self-defense. You don’t owe anyone an explanation, especially not those demanding one without a warrant. Nosy busybodies should focus on noting how the wicked acquire implements in defiance of the law.

I regret to inform you your critics are the only ones in favor of equality, which is why they’re not willing to accept anyone who dissents. Refusing to tolerate the intolerant is a moral imperative. It’s how they justify flipping off wearers of the president’s dumb red hats.

Any outside opinion is toxic to calm souls who’ve decided there’s only one path to righteousness. Take monstrous haters who think weddings involve members of different genders.

Conflating recognition of how marriage had always been defined with homophobia is a sure way to respect disagreement. Anyone who dares point out matrimony was once for the benefit of any children produced undoubtedly had their receptions at a Nazi biker clubhouse.
Don’t try selling the most delicious chicken sandwich there is if you’re hateful enough to be a Christian. The two toughest things to find are a rude Chick-fil-A employee and a happy Chick-fil-A boycotter. Those sputtering about hate chicken can’t find anything like examples of discrimination, but they just know the nicest chain there is teems with intolerance.

A dose of pleasantness and waffle fries would do them a world of good, and their lack of exposure is evident in the meantime. Now, those who can’t stop bitching about Israel should notice it’s the only Middle Eastern country with pride parades instead of gay bans and hangings.

The unnervingly righteous are guided by an ancient broadcast ritual known as a talk show. Normal Americans forgot about Jimmy Kimmel as easily as they stopped subscribing to newspapers. But the former Ben Stein sidekick remains the perfect liberal model for debate. His show is certainly not for comedy.

Presuming the other side is fine with sick kids is funny in its way. The Thomas Sowell of the left inspires the forces of compassion to think only our dumb and clumsy government can help.

Both philosophical approaches to involving Washington in assistance simply have different approaches to solving. I’m just kidding, dim Hitler. The utterly tolerant never bother to ponder that tweaks to their perfect moral genius are possible. And why would they? There’s no reason to give time to those who are worse when they’ve decided they’re better.

There’s no way those with different outlooks could merely be misguided. Allegedly closed-minded Ayn Randian zero-government lunatics are relatively calm while coping with ideas that have failed as consistently as those of our pinko friends. If you’re unsure who’s unaccepting, note which side speaks of cancelling the other in a term for treating a human which is as repulsive as it is telling. Daring to resist opinions shared by frenzied shriekers will get you non-personed.

Sure, those who compare you to a citizen of that naughty Germany may act in bad faith. But at least they’re upfront about unwillingness to consider alternatives. Such honesty is refreshing, even if inadvertent. It’s a relief to not have to bicker with those who won’t acknowledge points of view, plural. There’s no reason to even explain why our dumb government might not actually improve life. You demand open-mindedness? You go first.