Saying, Doing, Nothing

Words guarantee actions.  They better, or we’re in bigger trouble than the Trump sons after commandeering Marine One to moon Chelsea Clinton’s apartment.  Running off one’s mouth is unfortunate at any level.  The president selling poppycock sets a questionable example, as well. Oh: it also makes our country vulnerable.  But empty words only hurt us economically, defensively, and psychologically, so America’s robust otherwise.

Your government says the amazing insurance you have is such a deal that there’s no need to shop around.  It’s not that you have a choice. They love you so much that they won’t let you harm yourself by declining.  Republicans have preserved this ever so kind intention. It’s thus a relief that saying something will occur, as needing some sort of physical treatment would mean our health is critical. Thank every preener who thinks insurance was invented in 2010 and couldn’t be bought more affordably without the command to do so.

Take the man who healed our wounds without ever having a real job. Mundane life would have distracted Barack Obama from his bigger goals, such as ensuing his eponymous health contraption conformed with human nature.  Being this bent out of shape can’t be cured with surgery, or even chiropractic quackery.  But at least he was nice enough to cover everyone affordably.  Presume that’s what happened, as maybe that will provide a smidgen of good health.

Convincing ourselves we’re healing is the ultimate placebo.  Until the odious mandate is genuinely repealed, Washington hopes a bill’s thickness will heal us enough to drive down premiums, as nothing else they’ve tried has worked. Letting us buy from companies desperate for business that isn’t guaranteed failed to cross their minds.  Perhaps telling prices that they’re expected to drop will work, although inanimate concepts are notoriously unwilling to obey laws.

The converse works just as well, although that’s not a compliment. Announce catastrophes are forthcoming whenever it’s suggested our brutish and doltish government should mind its own damn business.

The proclamation that bloodthirsty Republicans are eager to confiscate health care from millions is a popular modern example.  Sure, those affected don’t have the option to decline, might not want to participate, and would have an easier time.  But it won’t matter once they die like the previous generation of innocents did back when George Warmonger Bush was tyrant.

I’ve thought about what it says that freaking socialism polls well in 2017 America.  I have decided that the results are what I’d deem negative.  Everything we have is due to ironically greedy lunatics being banished to Ivy League fringes.  With our material needs largely met, we can bitch about phantom missing items and pretend they could be more easily acquired if we shared one giant wallet. Keep your change in a different pocket.

Socialism is the dangerous new fad hip youngsters indulge in to risk everyone else’s lives.  Whether unabashed Vermont-style or the insidious approach preferred by coastal twerps, contemporary pinkos never learn that a book might not be correct.  I know it should be illegal to publish things that are wrong, but our racist cracker junk-waving Founders didn’t include a mean speech clause in their precious First Amendment.  Central control was an evil idea before it was tried countless times over a century.  It’s good to check if there are examples before endorsement.

Even the words assigned to a politician are presumed to be gospel.  That saves the savior’s voice.  Donald Trump didn’t even bother to utter the words his most zealous disciples claim he uttered in that mellifluous golden tone which is his specialty.  The most dedicated Trumpologists just presumed their dreamboat would be the anti-Obama because they really thought that would be cool.  I agree, but the whole problem here is that actions may not correspond to imaginations.  Trump helped them, which hurts us.  The mouthy mime played along like he’s done since adulthood technically began.

The bipartisan desire to never let you decide anything shows cooperation’s downside.  Ignoring evidence works as well politically as it does personally.  Take a president who claims he’s achieved every dream he’s ever had, which double as yours. The boasting’s volume is to compensate for the thin results. He’s been doing so for as long as he’s gotten New York Post headlines, so why stop now?  Trump has indeed achieved the unbelievable if winning despite his work history and preserving Obama’a legacy count.

Wariness upon hearing a promise is the first thing humans should learn.  We need a guidebook.  The United States Constitution used to suffice.  But the obsolete crinkly paper can’t compete with the fast pace here in Futureworld.  Our glowing pocket screens tell us that not being forced to buy something crummy means a necessity is being wrested away.  Verification is presumably as advanced as technology.  And humans endowed with such neat items can’t be full of it.  There’s no reason to check.


Good Luck With Trumpeachment

Captain America should arrest the president.  Orange Skull seems bad enough that he must’ve committed a high crime.  Specifics are for nerds. The impeachment premise is ambitious, although that doesn’t compensate for its flimsiness.

Self-appointed cops on the White House beat reflexively began an investigation, which is the surest way to solve a crime.  Inventing solutions to nonexistent problems is the same way Washington has made our lives so pleasant.  Rabid amateur prosecutors will look for evidence later.  This courtroom is no wonderland.

Like all their policies, liberals presumed their plan worked.  Checking results is for exclusionary Republicans.  Modern progressives deeply interested in science except for how they don’t present facts to back up their hypotheses.  Why check when the law clearly states everyone gets affordable health care?  You’re the offender if you believe the government could break its own laws.

Similarly, there must be a reason to let Nancy Pelosi lead Trump out of the Oval Office and into a paddy wagon.  Self-styled resisters believe in it strongly enough, and awareness of one’s specialness is the core lesson from the Disney movies that still shape their world views.

The proudest members of the minority party are alienating potential allies in their liberal way.  Conservatives who didn’t vote for Trump precisely because they knew how this term would unfold are always seeking valid opportunities to criticize.

He took the only voting option of those who think government shouldn’t fund dull radio or abortion foundries and made it even more like the other side, which is reason enough to sneer every time he’s on television.  But those literally in another party prove how much they hate dissent by refusing to start an alliance.  They could just say he’s as shady as he is sloppy.  Instead, calling Trump a felon means they’re easier to mock.

The problem with defending Trump’s ejection is that he is scummy.  Our president is Diamond Joe Quimby with less effective threats.  With Simpsons references in mind as always, he’s also reminiscent of the Springfield mayor’s scumbag nephew Freddy who nonetheless was innocent.  Trump didn’t beat up the snooty French waiter.  He’d have to be able to do a chin-up first.

Doubling your money at roulette is great, but why not try to quadruple it? That’s a great way to go home with nothing.  Trump might still own Atlantic City casinos if he had suckered more customers.  Instead, he failed and became president.  Highlight that instead of claiming criminality.

Instead, Democrats never learned from Trump’s countless missteps.  If the ostensible opposition had just stuck with noting he’s disreputable, they could’ve kept him from doing even less than he’s achieved so far.  His own thoughts are the most effective barrier against action, but every bit helps.

But they had to go with overreach.  Scumminess is conflated with maliciousness in a miscalculation that enables the former.  Those who treat monitoring the president’s Twitter account as a full-time job can’t even invent a crime that Trump allegedly committed.  The should be able to imagine something clever in their ample free time.

It’s not like having nothing to back it up will stop them.  These are people who profess a slight decrease in the rate of increase will lead to millions of uninsured indigents dying on cracked sidewalks. When they call even those who almost entirely agree with them evil, what’s calling to remove a president just because he’s an oaf?

Perpetual marchers could do the one thing they’re skilled at and get in the way.  Democrats are best off bitching to stop Trump’s agenda.  The work to throw impediments in the legislative path is amusing because of how often it aligns with theirs.  Laughing at the overlap is the only thing making present politics tolerable.  You’d think liberals would be invested in keeping the clod in office, even if they don’t realize how often they agree with their mortal enemy.  But they wouldn’t be liberals if they thought out why they believed what they do.

The eternally rational dreamers decided he simply had to be removed.  The reason is clear: they don’t like him.  Is that constitutional? That’s something liberals deeply care about, as this useless and counterproductive income redistribution is totally within the letter and spirit of American principles.  The actual bad things he does should be enough.

A bipartisan opportunity to tease Trump when he begs for it has been squandered, so cancel the last chance for a nice time.  I thought we’d share common ground.  I don’t think the First Family is going to invite me to a red hat barbeque.  But the case for booting him is stronger if he does something bootable first.  That puts the entire philosophy of the indignant left in question, so it’ll happen right after the president they despise acts dignified.

Right-Wing and Left Out

Once conservatives are given a say, we can finally have debates.  It’ll be awful.  Who wants discord?  The country’s getting along so well when Washington basically does whatever liberals want.  Everyone is happy and tells each other such through civil Twitter replies.  There is no need to hear from savages who think people can largely earn their own incomes while charities help everyone else.

Those who have read the Constitution with the goal of obeying it are as rare as a shrinking federal program.  Such oddballs who want to be left alone while the government does what it’s supposed to have been banished to the murky interior.  There are rumors of vast unexplored electoral votes between Death Valley and the Hudson River.  But tales of self-reliance are probably legends.

Sure, you might find self-sufficiency fans at diners and swap meets.  They may have even voted for the president.  But those who want a properly-restrained government have been banished to the kids’ table at America’s Thanksgiving.  Nobody seems blessed.

Washington’s fiercest argument is between unabashed statism and slightly less of it.  Imagine how rancorous modern life would be if the same premise was being argued in terms of existence, not degree.

Pretending that Trump embodies Adam Smith’s values or knows who he is allows liberals to pretend he thinks differently.  A health care free market where costs are kept down through customers suspicions of big companies sounds like an idea from one of those low-energy losers at the failing National Review.

Outcomes would be almost no different, which is why the fighting is so fierce. Calling Republicans murderers even as they want to keep government in insurance reflects the commonality of knowing we all want what’s best for the country.  I’m just kidding, if that’s still allowed.

Those in authority aren’t setting a sterling example.  It’s not some Vox twerp but rather sitting U.S. senators being hideous garbage piles toward those with a different philosophy. Claiming that reversing a crummy mandatory insurance scheme would spur a modern holocaust beats admitting that coercion didn’t lower costs.  Obamacare can’t cure the zombie virus that makes people who are wrong about everything demonize those trying to fix it.

You won’t even notice things improving.  Republican health contrivances change Obamacare so little that you wouldn’t notice without the label.  It’s the generic ketchup of ruining insurance.  We have two sides mutually deciding that a government whose only specialty is killing America’s enemies should be used to treat each other.

Geiger counters beep so incessantly that it’s hard to find who nuked rhetoric.  There has to be someone to blame for the hideous slanders. Culprits will label you something repulsive for noticing, but that’s just part of today’s civil discussion.

It’s not to point fingers right before I do.  But it’s largely the oh so tolerant left who decided anyone who disagrees is Adolf Satan.  They saved their most rabid lunacy for a president with many vaguely similar policy goals.  Political scientists are fascinated.

Our efforts to hold reasonable debates without involving the cuck meme folder are not helped by the alt-right, which is to say the left with a fondness for crying eagle avatars.  It should be more fun to be called a bloodthirsty Nazi for wanting less debt.  But enough contemporary lunatics take such silliness as accurate, and the distortion makes giggling about absurdity less fun.

Two parties share one basic policy, which makes their slap fights even more tedious.  There should be more action to entertain those watching, as the ones who are about to get hosed deserve to see haymakers.  Bitching at each other over who gets to rule over the innocent is a blast, at least for the usurpers.

At least be honest about wanting power that’s not yours.  The present ruling coalition offers a sheen of patriotism, which is actually more contemptible than the straightforward perversion the Bernie Sanders side enjoys. We may as well appreciate Democratic disregard for our super-old rulebook written by hoary white slave-owning men.  By contrast, average Republican politicians are more likely to have run a business before deciding they know how to run your life.

Conservatism is now linked to a party that won’t challenge rampant liberalism.  I bet the free market gets blamed.  Meanwhile, the feuding wrestlers have the same manager.  The parties don’t want to admit how close they are.  They rely on employing different cult styles to distinguish.  Both are members in case they’re in denial.  The Jets and Sharks are killing each other because they’re against each other. That’s reason enough if you want to live in America.

Sort-Of President Clinton

I’m getting that 1990s feeling again, and not just because I was stabbed for my Starter jacket.  Contemporary archetype Donald Trump and ’90s embodiment Bill Clinton are more than pals pretending to be rivals wrestling-style.  They’re stylistic twins, even not considering how they’d act together at the Hustler Club. Doing what seems popular links these bros.  That’s only good if people are presently clamoring for something wise.  It could happen. The Cubs win a World Series every century or so.

The integrity president checks the polls before deciding what his values are.  I’m not saying that a guy who would ask the table if they thought bacon was awesome before ordering breakfast lacks principles. But Trump thinks being a good businessman means pretending to care about what customers want.  Take how he claimed he wanted a wall because a lot of angry voters did.  I’ll believe anything you want, including that I have integrity.

Please tell me how to lead.  Following consensus is the modern style of management.  Why create ideas when voters will do it?  Inventing ideas is way too much work.  And how are you supposed to come up with political positions: read the Weekly Standard?  Thinking is for eggheads.

Chasing after popularity fails to be precisely inspiring even if presidents of the style receive astounding loyalty from their apostles.  It’s not right what issues are presently are seized upon, as they specifically involve seizing upon our rights.  Those who think Trump is the new Reagan might want to explain why conservative policies emanate from the White House as rarely as a coherent tweet.

Anyone who cringes at the second impeached president’s liberal claptrap may be surprised at how conservative the public felt in the 1990s. Clinton realized acting tough on crime and welfare would make him popular, which was the only thing he valued more than tail.  Cynical maneuvering aside, we got crimefighting and reasonable compassion out of it.

By contrast, Trump is going along with the notion that the only way to care for the unfortunate is through Washington, which is even absurd to type.  He’s too busy insulting Morning Joe while praising Fox & Friends to explain what conservatism is.

Blame the electorate who enabled him.  People were sick of RINOS, which led to electing the guy who embodies being a member of the party in name only.  Jeb Bush uses Atlas Shrugged as a Bible compared to a president who I’d bet even money doesn’t know who Calvin Coolidge was.  You can’t violate principles if you never have them.

The president is trying to catch up to the front of the pack so he can lead.  Watch him jog to at least get some entertainment out of it.  A president who somehow manages to be both grating and a kiss-ass isn’t about to extol the virtues of natural rights.  Ponder how liberal the assumptions have become if you need another reason to drink heavily-taxed booze.

Our fearless president is unwilling to confront the endlessly expanding state, which is another fun consequence of electing America’s most capricious man in order to claim a Republican won.  Someone from our side is president, which means the guy with our insignia gets to dictate terms.  Tribalism’s rewards don’t include telling you to be free.

The only way to make today’s loutish political approach more unseemly is to do what the other side wants.  Enjoy the disturbing contemporary trend where not only are insane theories humans spent the 20th century discredited still made but allowed to thrive.

Noting how humans in 2017 can think single-payer will save lives and money should destroy the optimism of even the biggest endorsers of our species.  We get  dumber as our devices get smarter.  On the plus side, our times will inspire fine science fiction.

At least Clinton had principles he was betraying.  He’s a left-wing lunatic who would’ve traded his grandma’s soul for electoral votes. To clarify, that entails winning states for himself, not his quasi-wife.

Bill also happened to think that anything benefitting him was amazing, a trait he shares with the incumbent.  The last pro horndog and part-time president didn’t care about anything other than personal glorification.  It’s easy to forget what a sellout the only Clinton who’ll ever be president was.  That’s great news considering his own ideas were so crummy.

The uninterrupted expansion of debt and Medicaid should make the lady Trump defeated feel better.  He ostensible husband’s ideals live on. Thanks to a wayward president and people who inexplicably think ceding autonomy means the freedom to do as we wish, the Clintons get their ideology preserved.  All it took was someone who sucked up to the public as much as they do.

In Charge and Unsatisfied

That’s just about enough presidents who don’t want to be president.  It’s not that they loathe the title.  Sure, the most recent staffers like being guarded by armed men and having access to an attentive kitchen staff.  Those perks would make anyone feel like they’re more important than they are.

But voters may want to check into electing someone who seems capable of at least faking humility.  The incumbent seems too beat to do much of anything, which may be a secret blessing.  Point out Donald Trump has low stamina just because it irritates him.

Bristling at a 40-hour workweek is just one thing the current and previous presidents share, along with Obamacare not being repealed on their respective watches.  Like Barack Obama, there’s no indication Trump has any interest in leading, convincing, or exerting.

Letting government take care of things is befitting of presidents who aren’t into work.  Clocking out at 5 p.m. has been the top executive priority since 2009.  If you’re really good at your job, you get all the responsibilities done without going into overtime.

Every president wants to be adulated.  Only an egomaniac could get that far in politics.  Think of your jerky junior high class president and multiply the ego by a million.  Being full of oneself is part of getting ahead.  But the occasional executive has managed to do something useful while begging for applause.

Leading cults is easier than leading the nation, as those without decoder rings expect results.  Aren’t underlings supposed to make all the decisions?  Someone else should greet guests and fill the paper towel dispensers.  But the proprietor feels exhausted with the to-do list. Daily drudgery bores the charismatic, who figured force of will would be enough to alter world events.  They were right, but not in the pleasant way they envision.

It’s asking too much to elect someone who’s interested.  Forget getting a candidate who thinks most of what Washington does violates its own rules: we can’t even find one who read the job description.

Voters who elect unaccountable presidents certainly aren’t going to admit to consequences.  Those who think yelling is fighting have trouble with the concept of admitting their hero’s shortcomings.  That’s why it’s best to hold a trial run where the candidate must convince a legislature to pass something useful.

Demonstrated political deftness might prove useful to get an international lunatic to stop pointing missiles at us.  Having folks bow to you is way more fun than trying to figure out how to stop thermonuclear war.  A guy who couldn’t keep roulette wheels spinning is in a position where he’s supposed to make a useless government purr.  Don’t make eye contact, knave.

Maybe look for any sort of skill that would be applicable toward serving as head of state.  Pretending that tirades about crummy cable news channels reflect toughness doesn’t count.  It probably won’t be necessary to identify someone until 2024 considering the Democrats will hand Trump the gift of nominating a social justice lunatic. But there will be a day when we won’t be able to rely on facing a Tumblr user.

The president hasn’t given much thought to how a bill becomes a law.  He can start demonstrating why he has applicable experience any time now.  Trump has the title, and that’s all that counts.  Like Obama, he’ll be hired at his next gig on reputation alone.  That’ll be one prestigious QVC hour.  Trump will be just another ex-president coasting on his name.  That’ll be a totally new experience for him.

Everything’s supposed to be easy at the top.  The whole reason to work so hard is to coast from the boss’s chair.  Those overwhelmed didn’t have to toil all that hard.  Looking for someone with an attention span longer than a tweet is tough for those who have caught ADD like the flu.  Like Kip in Napoleon Dynamite already losing his steam, everyone’s worn out from the instant cyber world.

President is a job that sounds fun.  Someone else pays for all that helicopter fuel.  But it turns out they want you to do more than stand there wearing a necktie.  Buttoning to the collar is already enough of a hassle.  What is it with The Man and his stringent fashion rules?  A president should be able to order that suits are oppressive.

Fantasizing about getting paid to have fun is a normal way to pass time while pretending to work.  Getting to watch movies all day while working at a cinema sounds fun until encountered with how much popcorn there is to sweep.  Being president means there are constant messes to address.  There’s nowhere else to turn for help, as the position is kind-of at the top.  If we get the leaders we deserve, we’re in trouble.

Executive Steak Knives

There’s no warranty on life or the Constitution.  The president doesn’t offer them for different reasons.  Donald Trump can’t sell, which is the secret about which he’s most insecure.  I’m certain he hasn’t overcompensated.  It wouldn’t be as much of an issue if his whole reputation was based in something other than convincing rubes to buy something they didn’t want.  But the election is his last bell-ringer.

It’s too bad there wasn’t any evidence Trump was full of it like everything he did up until his current grift.  Take how the Hard Rock Cafe is cooler than him. Even his successful ventures have taken more coercion than persuasion. It shouldn’t take fighting to convince potential buyers, especially with so much sand thrown into eyes.  Arguing with TV hosts befits the Geraldo presidency.

The sleaziest kind of used car lot predator got promoted to sales manager.  Spot the least prepared worker by how he thinks he doesn’t need to know the product.  Every speech amounts to bullplopping on the sales floor to cover for how he was hitting on that icy blonde in accounting in lieu of perusing the new manual.

It’s fine if a vendor doesn’t use the item in the display case. But he has to understand the customers.  That’s especially true in this case, where the product is the Constitution.  Someone who wants to improve job performance would take a trip the Archives and read that crinkly bit behind glass.  It’s tricky cursive and the letter S always looks like an F.  But it contains every instruction on how to get better commissions, not to mention that it’s far easier to read than The Art of the Deal.

“Uninformed voter” may be redundant.  But the title remains applicable to those who failed to ponder why the president may not have the skills to get extra ketchup packets from the Burger King counter guy.

This particular fellow who thinks his office was created to solve all your crises through commands just happens to be a Republican. There are practical limits on what Washington can do, especially with the incumbent in mind.  Just change the equation if the answer doesn’t suit you. If the government does something, it’s therefore not illegal.  There’s lots do get done if our kind leaders want to do as they please.

Sales are easy as long as the only other option is Hillary Clinton.  It’s as if a guy whose chief product is his own grating personality wasn’t prepared for buyers to say yes.

His regrettable history was rather public.  Selling steaks through Sharper Image should be the method for wringing out the last few cents from a faded brand before retiring, not a stepping stone to nuclear codes.  The office’s present dignity is reflected by a discontinued board game that even fewer players have finished than his books.  A handful of dubious real estate transactions pass for baron status. The poseur is king.

It’s almost like he’s full of it.  I know criticizing the president is tantamount to treason amongst deluded internet shock troopers who conflate patriotism with loyalty to the president who least deserves it.  He bluffed his way here, which is a type of success for a certain personality.  To be fair, getting to the top is the only goal for him.  His lust for claiming he’s the boss should define him, not us.  His power trip shouldn’t cruise in a nation that needs substance.  Customer satisfaction should come first.

Nobody tell the president how a bill becomes a law.  We might make it until term’s end with him not learning.  If we get that miracle and Congress passes actual Obamacare repeal, put the bill on his book’s title page and ask for an autograph.

The government has lots of middlemen for a reason.  Trump can’t easily get what he wants, which is where his poor persuasion capability is actually a blessing.  That makes us lucky, as his shady agenda is as tacky as gold letters on black glass.

Sure, he cornered a market.  But it’s the one where promises are easy. Following up after winning enough electoral votes has proven to be the tricky part, especially if you never even in your atypically arrogant dreams imagined you’d be hired.  Further, Trump’s still working on what to do after getting their votes, which is something he should’ve figured out before.  The president has no ideas deep into year one, which is a success in its way.

Confidence despite results is nothing new from this guy who is somehow seated where he is.  His sole completed political transaction proves he’s good at business, at least if you ask him.  Trump doesn’t care about what’s actually being peddled, as he feels a good salesman should be able to bluff his way to the top of the board.  Arrogance is mistaken for confidence while nastiness substitutes for fearlessness.  Why not call a disappointing transaction a mutual success?

Too Few Parties

Is there anything else you’d like to cope with losing?  Could we cede more territory to help preserve friendship?  And would you like a Frappuccino?  Republicans specialize in winning and then acting like the defeated.  That may be too magnanimous.  Turning into liberals balances out the universe.

The puzzling habit of being held hostage by the side with no guns is even more common under a president who’s notoriously eager to make deals and far worse at them than he imagines.  Donald Trump’s fans are resentful that he won, which only makes sense in 2017. Ceaseless gloating covers for how often he proposes something Bill Clinton would.  It doesn’t even have to involve a cocktail waitress.

Winning is easy when you don’t stand for anything.  Promising to take away pain while curing sadness doesn’t count.  Washington does a horrendous job of helping those blessed to not live there.  At least half of the major parties used to agree.  We need a throwback for more than sweet ’70s sports.

Setting the debate terms is the loser’s consolation prize.  The game show’s home version is more valuable than the trip to Bermuda.  Those in second place get their last-place ideas respected.  There’s not one party sharing the idea that health care is a commodity like any other.  Its importance is precisely why the government shouldn’t be involved.  About half the guys used to at least pretend to trust us.

What’s the point of winning?  It’s to say they won.  In other words, Republicans copy Trump.  Anyone who thought he didn’t represent the Party of Hoover was thinking wishfully.  The professional puckerer does so all too well, as he’s merely bolder about using government to clumsily interdict on people who would otherwise be happy.  The tax on making decisions is the price of pretend autonomy.

The purported small-government, big-Constitution side was awfully quick to surrender on how many trillions must be frittered.  Americans wouldn’t feel entitled if they weren’t ripped off in the first place. It’s be easier to care for themselves if they didn’t start off in the negative column.  But the problem is marketed as the solution. Don’t look for help from the White House.  Those who thought Trump would fight the bossy squares would be good marks for his casinos, or at least the ones that are still open.

Winning is a goal in and of itself in these selfless times.  Anyone who crushes adversaries in ballot counts gets to be in charge, which is the highest aspiration of public service.  Make the other side feel shame over the term’s length for efficiency.  Take their ideas to show there are no hard feelings.

There’s a vague sense among contemporary idealists that one party is better than the other at administering cloddish infringements on your rights.  All that happens in practice is that Republicans prove they’re bad at government.  That sort of used to be the point.

Sure, you have a choice.  It just may not be as inspiring as you’d hope. The party that pretends to endorse freedom either refuses to limit government as promised or gets in place by by promising to administer goodies more efficiently.  Who funds them? Nobody: they’re free!  The government hands them out, which means there’s no cost, duh.  I thought you understood economics.

There’s no point in winning if both sides vote for us to lose more money.  Each franchise would dispute that they share the same policies despite uncanny coincidences.  Deep down, both ids know getting to issue edicts is the ultimate prize.  Sure, getting drunk on orders poisons America’s liver.  But we can pretend one side still thinks liberty is neat, and the fantasy’s what it’s about.

The reality isn’t as stimulating.  A failed minority warns of dire consequences if their garbage projects are repealed. Republicans are too scared to note the federal government that can’t get trains to run should care for the most vulnerable.  America’s cheese-eatin’ surrender monkeys act like the argument’s over when they were the ones who were supposed to present the case.  It’s no wonder people so inept had to seek office.

If a scheme works, why stop it?  Win elections and make your gross grabby habit legal.  Our valiant leaders either get elected by promising everything will be improved with properly-disbursed bribes or don’t have the nerve to stand up to journalists who proclaim taking cash from those who earned it is just.  It’s probably best not to ponder what resentment’s popularity says about voters.

The nice part about a republic is having someone else to blame.  That’s why it’s not our fault we’re stuck with a president who’s all too eager to deal away principles he never had.  Giving in to whatever liberals want is how we stick it to the establishment.