Sort-Of President Clinton

I’m getting that 1990s feeling again, and not just because I was stabbed for my Starter jacket.  Contemporary archetype Donald Trump and ’90s embodiment Bill Clinton are more than pals pretending to be rivals wrestling-style.  They’re stylistic twins, even not considering how they’d act together at the Hustler Club. Doing what seems popular links these bros.  That’s only good if people are presently clamoring for something wise.  It could happen. The Cubs win a World Series every century or so.

The integrity president checks the polls before deciding what his values are.  I’m not saying that a guy who would ask the table if they thought bacon was awesome before ordering breakfast lacks principles. But Trump thinks being a good businessman means pretending to care about what customers want.  Take how he claimed he wanted a wall because a lot of angry voters did.  I’ll believe anything you want, including that I have integrity.

Please tell me how to lead.  Following consensus is the modern style of management.  Why create ideas when voters will do it?  Inventing ideas is way too much work.  And how are you supposed to come up with political positions: read the Weekly Standard?  Thinking is for eggheads.

Chasing after popularity fails to be precisely inspiring even if presidents of the style receive astounding loyalty from their apostles.  It’s not right what issues are presently are seized upon, as they specifically involve seizing upon our rights.  Those who think Trump is the new Reagan might want to explain why conservative policies emanate from the White House as rarely as a coherent tweet.

Anyone who cringes at the second impeached president’s liberal claptrap may be surprised at how conservative the public felt in the 1990s. Clinton realized acting tough on crime and welfare would make him popular, which was the only thing he valued more than tail.  Cynical maneuvering aside, we got crimefighting and reasonable compassion out of it.

By contrast, Trump is going along with the notion that the only way to care for the unfortunate is through Washington, which is even absurd to type.  He’s too busy insulting Morning Joe while praising Fox & Friends to explain what conservatism is.

Blame the electorate who enabled him.  People were sick of RINOS, which led to electing the guy who embodies being a member of the party in name only.  Jeb Bush uses Atlas Shrugged as a Bible compared to a president who I’d bet even money doesn’t know who Calvin Coolidge was.  You can’t violate principles if you never have them.

The president is trying to catch up to the front of the pack so he can lead.  Watch him jog to at least get some entertainment out of it.  A president who somehow manages to be both grating and a kiss-ass isn’t about to extol the virtues of natural rights.  Ponder how liberal the assumptions have become if you need another reason to drink heavily-taxed booze.

Our fearless president is unwilling to confront the endlessly expanding state, which is another fun consequence of electing America’s most capricious man in order to claim a Republican won.  Someone from our side is president, which means the guy with our insignia gets to dictate terms.  Tribalism’s rewards don’t include telling you to be free.

The only way to make today’s loutish political approach more unseemly is to do what the other side wants.  Enjoy the disturbing contemporary trend where not only are insane theories humans spent the 20th century discredited still made but allowed to thrive.

Noting how humans in 2017 can think single-payer will save lives and money should destroy the optimism of even the biggest endorsers of our species.  We get  dumber as our devices get smarter.  On the plus side, our times will inspire fine science fiction.

At least Clinton had principles he was betraying.  He’s a left-wing lunatic who would’ve traded his grandma’s soul for electoral votes. To clarify, that entails winning states for himself, not his quasi-wife.

Bill also happened to think that anything benefitting him was amazing, a trait he shares with the incumbent.  The last pro horndog and part-time president didn’t care about anything other than personal glorification.  It’s easy to forget what a sellout the only Clinton who’ll ever be president was.  That’s great news considering his own ideas were so crummy.

The uninterrupted expansion of debt and Medicaid should make the lady Trump defeated feel better.  He ostensible husband’s ideals live on. Thanks to a wayward president and people who inexplicably think ceding autonomy means the freedom to do as we wish, the Clintons get their ideology preserved.  All it took was someone who sucked up to the public as much as they do.

In Charge and Unsatisfied

That’s just about enough presidents who don’t want to be president.  It’s not that they loathe the title.  Sure, the most recent staffers like being guarded by armed men and having access to an attentive kitchen staff.  Those perks would make anyone feel like they’re more important than they are.

But voters may want to check into electing someone who seems capable of at least faking humility.  The incumbent seems too beat to do much of anything, which may be a secret blessing.  Point out Donald Trump has low stamina just because it irritates him.

Bristling at a 40-hour workweek is just one thing the current and previous presidents share, along with Obamacare not being repealed on their respective watches.  Like Barack Obama, there’s no indication Trump has any interest in leading, convincing, or exerting.

Letting government take care of things is befitting of presidents who aren’t into work.  Clocking out at 5 p.m. has been the top executive priority since 2009.  If you’re really good at your job, you get all the responsibilities done without going into overtime.

Every president wants to be adulated.  Only an egomaniac could get that far in politics.  Think of your jerky junior high class president and multiply the ego by a million.  Being full of oneself is part of getting ahead.  But the occasional executive has managed to do something useful while begging for applause.

Leading cults is easier than leading the nation, as those without decoder rings expect results.  Aren’t underlings supposed to make all the decisions?  Someone else should greet guests and fill the paper towel dispensers.  But the proprietor feels exhausted with the to-do list. Daily drudgery bores the charismatic, who figured force of will would be enough to alter world events.  They were right, but not in the pleasant way they envision.

It’s asking too much to elect someone who’s interested.  Forget getting a candidate who thinks most of what Washington does violates its own rules: we can’t even find one who read the job description.

Voters who elect unaccountable presidents certainly aren’t going to admit to consequences.  Those who think yelling is fighting have trouble with the concept of admitting their hero’s shortcomings.  That’s why it’s best to hold a trial run where the candidate must convince a legislature to pass something useful.

Demonstrated political deftness might prove useful to get an international lunatic to stop pointing missiles at us.  Having folks bow to you is way more fun than trying to figure out how to stop thermonuclear war.  A guy who couldn’t keep roulette wheels spinning is in a position where he’s supposed to make a useless government purr.  Don’t make eye contact, knave.

Maybe look for any sort of skill that would be applicable toward serving as head of state.  Pretending that tirades about crummy cable news channels reflect toughness doesn’t count.  It probably won’t be necessary to identify someone until 2024 considering the Democrats will hand Trump the gift of nominating a social justice lunatic. But there will be a day when we won’t be able to rely on facing a Tumblr user.

The president hasn’t given much thought to how a bill becomes a law.  He can start demonstrating why he has applicable experience any time now.  Trump has the title, and that’s all that counts.  Like Obama, he’ll be hired at his next gig on reputation alone.  That’ll be one prestigious QVC hour.  Trump will be just another ex-president coasting on his name.  That’ll be a totally new experience for him.

Everything’s supposed to be easy at the top.  The whole reason to work so hard is to coast from the boss’s chair.  Those overwhelmed didn’t have to toil all that hard.  Looking for someone with an attention span longer than a tweet is tough for those who have caught ADD like the flu.  Like Kip in Napoleon Dynamite already losing his steam, everyone’s worn out from the instant cyber world.

President is a job that sounds fun.  Someone else pays for all that helicopter fuel.  But it turns out they want you to do more than stand there wearing a necktie.  Buttoning to the collar is already enough of a hassle.  What is it with The Man and his stringent fashion rules?  A president should be able to order that suits are oppressive.

Fantasizing about getting paid to have fun is a normal way to pass time while pretending to work.  Getting to watch movies all day while working at a cinema sounds fun until encountered with how much popcorn there is to sweep.  Being president means there are constant messes to address.  There’s nowhere else to turn for help, as the position is kind-of at the top.  If we get the leaders we deserve, we’re in trouble.

Executive Steak Knives

There’s no warranty on life or the Constitution.  The president doesn’t offer them for different reasons.  Donald Trump can’t sell, which is the secret about which he’s most insecure.  I’m certain he hasn’t overcompensated.  It wouldn’t be as much of an issue if his whole reputation was based in something other than convincing rubes to buy something they didn’t want.  But the election is his last bell-ringer.

It’s too bad there wasn’t any evidence Trump was full of it like everything he did up until his current grift.  Take how the Hard Rock Cafe is cooler than him. Even his successful ventures have taken more coercion than persuasion. It shouldn’t take fighting to convince potential buyers, especially with so much sand thrown into eyes.  Arguing with TV hosts befits the Geraldo presidency.

The sleaziest kind of used car lot predator got promoted to sales manager.  Spot the least prepared worker by how he thinks he doesn’t need to know the product.  Every speech amounts to bullplopping on the sales floor to cover for how he was hitting on that icy blonde in accounting in lieu of perusing the new manual.

It’s fine if a vendor doesn’t use the item in the display case. But he has to understand the customers.  That’s especially true in this case, where the product is the Constitution.  Someone who wants to improve job performance would take a trip the Archives and read that crinkly bit behind glass.  It’s tricky cursive and the letter S always looks like an F.  But it contains every instruction on how to get better commissions, not to mention that it’s far easier to read than The Art of the Deal.

“Uninformed voter” may be redundant.  But the title remains applicable to those who failed to ponder why the president may not have the skills to get extra ketchup packets from the Burger King counter guy.

This particular fellow who thinks his office was created to solve all your crises through commands just happens to be a Republican. There are practical limits on what Washington can do, especially with the incumbent in mind.  Just change the equation if the answer doesn’t suit you. If the government does something, it’s therefore not illegal.  There’s lots do get done if our kind leaders want to do as they please.

Sales are easy as long as the only other option is Hillary Clinton.  It’s as if a guy whose chief product is his own grating personality wasn’t prepared for buyers to say yes.

His regrettable history was rather public.  Selling steaks through Sharper Image should be the method for wringing out the last few cents from a faded brand before retiring, not a stepping stone to nuclear codes.  The office’s present dignity is reflected by a discontinued board game that even fewer players have finished than his books.  A handful of dubious real estate transactions pass for baron status. The poseur is king.

It’s almost like he’s full of it.  I know criticizing the president is tantamount to treason amongst deluded internet shock troopers who conflate patriotism with loyalty to the president who least deserves it.  He bluffed his way here, which is a type of success for a certain personality.  To be fair, getting to the top is the only goal for him.  His lust for claiming he’s the boss should define him, not us.  His power trip shouldn’t cruise in a nation that needs substance.  Customer satisfaction should come first.

Nobody tell the president how a bill becomes a law.  We might make it until term’s end with him not learning.  If we get that miracle and Congress passes actual Obamacare repeal, put the bill on his book’s title page and ask for an autograph.

The government has lots of middlemen for a reason.  Trump can’t easily get what he wants, which is where his poor persuasion capability is actually a blessing.  That makes us lucky, as his shady agenda is as tacky as gold letters on black glass.

Sure, he cornered a market.  But it’s the one where promises are easy. Following up after winning enough electoral votes has proven to be the tricky part, especially if you never even in your atypically arrogant dreams imagined you’d be hired.  Further, Trump’s still working on what to do after getting their votes, which is something he should’ve figured out before.  The president has no ideas deep into year one, which is a success in its way.

Confidence despite results is nothing new from this guy who is somehow seated where he is.  His sole completed political transaction proves he’s good at business, at least if you ask him.  Trump doesn’t care about what’s actually being peddled, as he feels a good salesman should be able to bluff his way to the top of the board.  Arrogance is mistaken for confidence while nastiness substitutes for fearlessness.  Why not call a disappointing transaction a mutual success?

Too Few Parties

Is there anything else you’d like to cope with losing?  Could we cede more territory to help preserve friendship?  And would you like a Frappuccino?  Republicans specialize in winning and then acting like the defeated.  That may be too magnanimous.  Turning into liberals balances out the universe.

The puzzling habit of being held hostage by the side with no guns is even more common under a president who’s notoriously eager to make deals and far worse at them than he imagines.  Donald Trump’s fans are resentful that he won, which only makes sense in 2017. Ceaseless gloating covers for how often he proposes something Bill Clinton would.  It doesn’t even have to involve a cocktail waitress.

Winning is easy when you don’t stand for anything.  Promising to take away pain while curing sadness doesn’t count.  Washington does a horrendous job of helping those blessed to not live there.  At least half of the major parties used to agree.  We need a throwback for more than sweet ’70s sports.

Setting the debate terms is the loser’s consolation prize.  The game show’s home version is more valuable than the trip to Bermuda.  Those in second place get their last-place ideas respected.  There’s not one party sharing the idea that health care is a commodity like any other.  Its importance is precisely why the government shouldn’t be involved.  About half the guys used to at least pretend to trust us.

What’s the point of winning?  It’s to say they won.  In other words, Republicans copy Trump.  Anyone who thought he didn’t represent the Party of Hoover was thinking wishfully.  The professional puckerer does so all too well, as he’s merely bolder about using government to clumsily interdict on people who would otherwise be happy.  The tax on making decisions is the price of pretend autonomy.

The purported small-government, big-Constitution side was awfully quick to surrender on how many trillions must be frittered.  Americans wouldn’t feel entitled if they weren’t ripped off in the first place. It’s be easier to care for themselves if they didn’t start off in the negative column.  But the problem is marketed as the solution. Don’t look for help from the White House.  Those who thought Trump would fight the bossy squares would be good marks for his casinos, or at least the ones that are still open.

Winning is a goal in and of itself in these selfless times.  Anyone who crushes adversaries in ballot counts gets to be in charge, which is the highest aspiration of public service.  Make the other side feel shame over the term’s length for efficiency.  Take their ideas to show there are no hard feelings.

There’s a vague sense among contemporary idealists that one party is better than the other at administering cloddish infringements on your rights.  All that happens in practice is that Republicans prove they’re bad at government.  That sort of used to be the point.

Sure, you have a choice.  It just may not be as inspiring as you’d hope. The party that pretends to endorse freedom either refuses to limit government as promised or gets in place by by promising to administer goodies more efficiently.  Who funds them? Nobody: they’re free!  The government hands them out, which means there’s no cost, duh.  I thought you understood economics.

There’s no point in winning if both sides vote for us to lose more money.  Each franchise would dispute that they share the same policies despite uncanny coincidences.  Deep down, both ids know getting to issue edicts is the ultimate prize.  Sure, getting drunk on orders poisons America’s liver.  But we can pretend one side still thinks liberty is neat, and the fantasy’s what it’s about.

The reality isn’t as stimulating.  A failed minority warns of dire consequences if their garbage projects are repealed. Republicans are too scared to note the federal government that can’t get trains to run should care for the most vulnerable.  America’s cheese-eatin’ surrender monkeys act like the argument’s over when they were the ones who were supposed to present the case.  It’s no wonder people so inept had to seek office.

If a scheme works, why stop it?  Win elections and make your gross grabby habit legal.  Our valiant leaders either get elected by promising everything will be improved with properly-disbursed bribes or don’t have the nerve to stand up to journalists who proclaim taking cash from those who earned it is just.  It’s probably best not to ponder what resentment’s popularity says about voters.

The nice part about a republic is having someone else to blame.  That’s why it’s not our fault we’re stuck with a president who’s all too eager to deal away principles he never had.  Giving in to whatever liberals want is how we stick it to the establishment.

Bleat the Rich

It’s important to not compare oneself to others for the sake of happiness. That’s unless hating others makes you happy.  Resentfulness isn’t as fulfilling as meeting personal goals, but it is easier.  That itself may be a goal for sadder folks.  Despising those who’ve been more financially successful is how those who don’t try justify indolence. A low goal can be achieved from the couch, so everything’s fine as long as the remote remains within reach.

Deciding how to loathe takes a bit more effort.  But persevere through mean tweets for a sense of triumph.  Try condemning any suggested course that’s allegedly for the rich as practice.  Take letting people keep more of what they earned.  Those who pay the most are punished correspondingly.

Treating those with the biggest paydays as society’s most egregious villains is the lamest cliché since claiming socialism helps each other.  Modern idiots do that all the time, too.  Did anyone try replying that Americans used to be free to address their own needs?

Wealthy jerks may in fact have not gotten rich from ripping you off.  They dared to sell you products, and you’ll never forgive them for the affront.  Offering way more affordability than some mom and pop store is as cruel as efficient business practices.  Nothing’s greener than prices lowered through proper resource use, so tell the Sierra Club how much box stores help our Earth for entertainment.

All we get out of people getting rich off us shopping is everything we want to buy.  Competition debases our species, according to those who pit Amazon and Walmart against each other for title of  cheapest air conditioning filters.

It’s not greedy if currency just falls in one’s lap.  Come on, karma. Hippie namaste chants make covetousness cool.  Note who thinks people can make too much money by how they not only want stuff but don’t want to do anything necessary to obtain them.  Work is oppressively decadent.  The professionally envious think declaring it’s all bull makes them pure.

Hating everyone makes it easier to track.  A broad principle outweighs specific favors.  Pro-business differs entirely from pro-businesses.  Note how many companies support regulations for an idea of who’s actually a government-loving goon. An insurance mandate means a guaranteed customer pool of every American.  Similarly, freezing out others with bitchy little rules is how established companies work with noble liberals to screw the little guys.

I’m sure libertarian purity will keep any multinational conglomerate from sucking up to politicians for favors. Some dare call that a free market.  Those who refuse to stick out hands are easy to identify by how sparsely-attended their meetings are. The Kochs are some of the few proprietors who campaign against corporate handouts they could exploit, which is something to remember while demonizing.  At least they greedily put their names on hospitals and theaters whose existence they fund.

Parties are even more useless than before.  Debates are now a clash of meddlers versus the indifferent.  Those who believe in reassigning dollars are in office, which they think constitutes winning an argument.  Having power is more important than having sound arguments, so thank Donald Trump for his contribution.

Those most interested in politics make the silliest arguments.  At least they understand force is necessary to get their ideas in place.  Take presuming that people making different incomes is problematic.  Such envy never caused trouble throughout human history.  But at least a clumsy government is sure to make the problem worse. Can’t we make cruel lessons illegal?

Acrimony is sure to inspire logic.  Class warfare grunts are too jealous to think clearly, which prevents them from grasping irony.  Their smug machinations are precisely what makes it difficult to get ahead. Money that could have gone to, say, raises instead funds entitlements.  At least there’s no way to opt out.  The involuntary nature brings us together.

Steep tax brackets condition both sides to stop working.  Someone will hand you what’s desired, presuming those bilked don’t quit en masse out of frustration.  Anyone sick of being patronized couldn’t get ahead if they wanted, anyway.  It’s tough to make much of anything with a drained economy, from products to a living.  Announce the game is fixed as an excuse for losing.

Government compassionately assists its victims.  Murdering motivation is for humanity’s good.  Alleging untraceable unfairness is how our enlightened progressive superiors compensate for guilt at some people being better at it.  Presuming any concentration of capital was pilfered makes legal thievery feel okay.

The wealthy could just cut out the middleman and buy your labor.  But work’s problem is in its very name.  A sense of satisfaction might make people feel like becoming conservatives, and I saw on the news that it’s heartless.

Fighting for Something or Other

Whatever the other side did sucked.  I agree.  But there should be an alternative presented, even if just to make what Democrats think look even sillier by comparison.  Instead, sour kvetching will have to be adequate.  The backlash presidency presumes everyone’s sick of politics, so at least that’s correct.  But the vapid response from Team Trump shows why people revert to establishment dolts.

Compensate for not having your term paper done by claiming classmates are lousy writers.  Just react to whatever that second party does with scorn.  Frown for message enhancement. Man, politics is easy.  Our president should’ve gotten into it sooner, and not just so we’d be done with his presidency already.

I know Donald Trump has spent a lifetime reading Hayek, Sowell, and Locke.  Yet I still suspect he has no coherent ideas.  That makes me a target for when sedition becomes illegal, but it’s nice to get it off my chest.  I do agree that whatever liberals want is bad, although I wonder if he’d just reverse his stances if elected as a Democrat.  It’s mean to suggest he’s somehow unprincipled.

The manual devotes three chapters to noting a complaining politician should have something better ready.  It’s not fair to have to fix what someone else broke, but that’s in the job description.

Obamacare would’ve been tossed in the dumpster behind the White House an hour after inauguration were a professional election.  By contrast, our slacker incumbent prefers just copying their tactics of bitching about the government not spending enough, which is apparently the only good thing his opponents do.  Now, statist waste is officially bipartisan.

It’s fine to loathe Democrats.  In fact, that would be considered a healthy and normal hobby.  But the astute can’t just bitch about them, even if it’s fun.  Demonizing in a vacuum is especially unhelpful while basically copying their agenda. It’s tricky to replace an odious mandatory insurance scheme when you’ve decided the government not ordering people to buy something is mean.

Sucker-punching poor folks walking down sidewalks is one way of maintaining an undefeated record.  The tiresome argument that he fights neglects to clarify precisely what for, not to mention who.  But I’m sure the intentions are wholly pure.  Also, his conman past totally won’t haunt him in his new life.

Conflict without context is brutish, so at least there’s a reason the present is so crummy.  Enjoy semantical political victories over people who want to blow just as much taxpayer money as you.  Actively questioning a president is both taxing and insolent.  It’s easier to presume the president actively fights for every fantasy they’ve ever had, including secret ones where he’s the one who made you a cuck and your wife happy.

The president’s most ardent fans are the ones obsessed with strength, so I respect their standard.  We haven’t seen a good brawl against a qualified foe, much less many victories.  The first WWE Hall of Fame president is good at faking a submission hold.  But he shrieks when facing someone who can actually grapple.

We don’t even get forthrightness out of inexperience.  The snotty real estate bully somehow was supposed to be the realest dude who’s ever strolled into the Oval Office.  Meanwhile, he’s just more obvious at being phony.  Trump’s Crimson Guard members have to really lie to themselves to make it seem like he’s not only getting something done but also something useful.

The only thing motivating this fight is ego.  If you think drunks bumping into each other in bars is interesting, this is the era for you. Punching anyone who you think looks at your old lady is bound to always be exciting.  Brain damage from head blows helps.

Still, there should be a reason to have allied with those at one’s side. Instead, one tribe bashes another with rocks because they’re outsiders.  That’s a good enough reason for the most loyal.

The only ones who care about the results of skull-cracking are those foolish enough to retain membership.  Egghead talk emanating from nearby caves maintaining fire is not bad but good means they have their next target.  Cro-Magnons have each other’s backs.

It’s not that I’d ever accuse the president of wanting something for childish reasons.  But I’ve noted he thinks everything Democrats want is a bunch of low-energy loser stupidity, including the things he likes.

Quick reflexes aren’t always used virtuously.  Recall he’s a longtime member of the Party of Clinton, not to mention his affinity for their spendthrift ways with your card.  The difference is he’s doing it.  That’s fine as long as he’s awesome.