Joe Biden can’t brag about anything dull like achievements. But he can claim to somehow be only the second-worst option. The only truthful thing he’s ever uttered fittingly involves the person for which he’s again competing for one job. A declining octogenarian who was an imbecile in his prime couldn’t have chosen a better foe. The only people who can beat each other face off again in a most formidable challenge to logic as we know it.
The last incumbent who deserves assistance can run on Donald Trump sucking. Bipartisan assistance isn’t as appealing as it may seem in concept. A wholly inspirational message of the other guy being demonstrably appalling has created the exact morale you’d figure. It’s coincidentally the only case his similarly tiresome foe can make? As far as which one, it doesn’t matter.
You were sick of this in 2016. Sweet folks in 1984 tired of Trump’s grating shtick without realizing they’d be enduring it for decades and on a far grander scale than bringing tackiness to Atlantic City’s boardwalk. A plague of phony alpha success will culminate in another wretched term whether it’s somehow winning or letting Biden complete the most undeserved tenure in human history. Selectors should probably figure it out by one of these presidential years.
The leader of the once-free world is obviously going to make preposterous claims in his Bidenesque way. Even his surrogates who can formulate sentences without notecards are unable to avoid calling a potential loss the Fourth Reich’s start. A vague threat of imposing white supremacy by law comes before claiming Trump would divide the country.
Every single Republican option is branded racist before uttering a word. The maniacal charge is similar to claiming the right to negotiate without subsidies equates to hating the poor. We would presently be hearing about how the fantasy decent nominee dreams of wearing Klan robes to the inauguration.
AI-generated Democrats on alternate DC Comics Earths are issuing identically nonsensical slanders against a calm governor who’s only noticeable for creating jobs when it’s most unpopular. The fact they’re right this one time by coincidence makes Trump’s infuriating nomination somehow even more appalling.
Using the challenger’s only successful business strategy would be cunning if it weren’t instinctual. An utter failure of an executive is wagering on serving as only the second-worst possible nominee. In the spirit of respecting the other side, that’s same way Trump won, namely by running against the worst possible candidate imaginable. Today’s devilish decision is Hillary Clinton’s fault in her way.
Politics appeals to black holes of humanity who just have to pretend to be less worse. The election that makes Sophie’s Choice seem like it was between Jeni’s Splendid Ice Cream and Cold Stone Creamery is the precise opposite of a free market with an endless array of options. By contrast, one just must be better than the other one. How did Biden get 81 million votes? This same way he will this year, namely by being a human being who is not Trump.
Noting Trump is a tantrum in human form is not quite a cunning election strategy. But you can’t expect much from the person who spent half a century in politics thinking he’d finally make everyone rich by sending out checks. The choice of all-time dreadful idiots who have lucked into roles mistakenly linked with success shows why the private sector is always better. Imagine only getting to pick between Trump Ice and Trump Vodka if you’re thirsty.
Two candidates who have nothing but calling the other one awful are grateful for codependency. Railing against each other is the only time each is accurate.
Nobody is happy, so let’s try more of what sucks. A breakthrough is inevitable unless patterns are consistent, and life should feature more surprises. Right now, nothing’s shocking. This is a rather painful way to learn predictability can be torture. Dinner at Burger King is out of reach even for royalty. The only people not harassed are criminals and those sneaking into the country.
A competent candidate’s greatest worry against Joe Biden would be excessive cockiness. The electoral vote total would be even higher than he can usually count. Instead, the person who makes us feel the least worst might be at a disadvantage. The sole thing older than Biden is the case against his beliefs. The ghastly ideology of an idiot who doesn’t understand reality can be downplayed because his repeating adversary is on record as not getting anything he promised done.
There are no other options. I mean, there were. But primary voters were either too medicated or not enough. As with getting poorer by printing more money, the result is sadly predictable. If voters don’t like negative campaigns, then they should stop selecting the surliest messengers around.
The increasingly unlikely prospect of a candidate ever running by making the case for improvement is what voters wanted, so congratulations. Each side demanding compliance by noting the binary choice should share blame. It’s the one time collectivism is useful. Never worrying about how options became this distasteful in the first place works out in the same way ignoring which way the debt clock rolls leads to breaking even.
Anthony Bialy 