I hope Columbia students are as dedicated to their studies as they are to LARPing. I doubt it. They seem to not know much of anything. Portraying aggressive foes of Israel confirms such. Refusing to move from ground that was never theirs shows commitment to the cause.
College brats crave pretending they’re something other than political science majors doomed to beg Joe Biden for debt evasion. A university that wanted to continue to pretend to be taken seriously would deny outdoor squatters the right to Sha Na Na presale access codes.
Instead, expect a flurry of senior theses based on how leaving plants unwatered in an Amsterdam Avenue apartment for three or four days allowed the non-Israel parts of the Middle East to finally prosper. This is the school where a showy phony lied about being raped so she’d have an excuse to drag a mattress around campus as a regrettable standard of performance art, which makes today’s showy truancy unsurprising.
Acting violent while pretending to not be reflects a wholesale refusal to interact with reality. True cosplayers act just like their beloved terror cause. Man, they are focused on playing along. Their habit of harassing Jews shows solidarity. Claiming they were the victims all along is what the keffiyeh represents.
Tom Wolfe’s ghost has never been busier. Earth’s most entitled brats throwing a tantrum while camping on Manhattan’s Ivy League grounds to show fondness for an invading terror squad means he’s still releasing novels a page at a time as news reports.
A Peoples’ University doesn’t sound quite elite. Those seizing land are presumably honoring prominent Democratic activist Jim Jones’s naming conventions without realizing it. Like every other contemptible notion that preening quad radicals believe, the inadvertent hilarity stems from their patent ignorance. While it’d be nice if they were informed, the rest of us can use the laughs. What are they supposed to do during college: learn?
The sort of students you’re glad you never drank with get to pretend they’re doing something righteous with a lawn campout. Guilt over unbelievable privilege leads to fretting about the less fortunate. Enrolling in a moral vacuum prompts sympathy for terror instead of victims.
Columbia students think The Diary of Anne Frank has a happy ending. Confused reading list participants know what they would’ve done during World War II, namely defend Normandy from invaders. The claim that 2020’s city torchers were the equivalent of Allied soldiers got sillier just when you thought that was impossible.
These advanced times sure are unenlightened, at least for those at the costliest and therefore best colleges. Society regresses without learning from primitive times. Let’s say there’s precedent involving campus radicals defending terror movements. Collegiate nitwits once again romanticize ghastly assaults against decent people in respectable societies. A useful degree would feature learning how many of them are not.
Praising the terror side is how the smuggest brats from your high school class battle for the underprivileged. Hamas engages in rather intense bullying they’d surely condemn if it involved misgendering. Total non-anti-Semites just happen to be ganging up on the one Jewish state. Tormenters get every last detail wrong, including which side features people who want to be left alone.
Students fume about a sliver of land that at its narrowest is smaller than the island upon which Columbia lies is long. It’s not just the lack of real estate that makes Israel an underdog.
The one Middle East country that would tolerate idling undergraduate uselessness can afford to on account of that whole natural rights bit. Citizens could claim it was awful without consequence. Go ahead and hold a pride parade in Tel Aviv. I’d envision a permit tie-up for anyone trying the same in Gaza. Rather confused observers add exercising the right to self-defense to their appalling list of reasons they loathe Jews.
Idle grifters with student IDs get to pretend they’re standing up for a noble cause. The side against Israel is way less nicer, and underdevelopment must be the fault of oppression. That sort of logic is common amongst attendees at more prestigious schools. Ignoring what happened at the music festival to people about the same age helps maintain consistency.
The Morningside Heights campus of Hamas University is a popular study abroad program. But enrollees can only harvest so much knowledge. An internship would help. They can learn from their heroes. Columbia campers should transfer to Gaza colleges. There’s a hospital on every corner, which means there must be at least that many schools. You know it’s bad when the rest of 2024 New York City seems sane by comparison.
Class is boring. Learn about the real world out on the Columbia quadrangle. It sure is fun camping out while shrieking insults at civilization. Real-world experience is supposed to be school’s goal. Professional terrorists blaming success is the default Columbia student ideology in practice. Feeling insulated on campus leads to guilty role play. Flaunt uselessness in the name of awfulness. This is the best time to dine at Katz’s, as none of the uneducated students will be there.
Anthony Bialy 