The Slow Boil

Get used to your methadone dose, as it’s also your dinner.  Government offers all the fun of addiction without the high.  You’re supposed to accept not only your own helplessness but also that you can’t escape infancy.  And babies shouldn’t be allowed to have drugs.  But all kinds of appalling circumstances follow when the radical becomes normal.  You’ve always felt this awful. Can you remember not being exhausted?  If you’re too tired to think, take it as a sign to stop trying.

Our decisions are made for us by an entity that constantly goes with the most crotch-crushing choice. The era where the only serious offense is earning more than enough for rent will never going to feel right no matter how much Josh Earnest explains that we’re too dumb to be as happy as he clearly is.  Of course, he’s paid to lie about how pleasant our crummy time is, which is why he’s one of the few people doing nicely.  He doesn’t even thank you for the paycheck.

In an era of inventing gender, it’s no surprise that those darn pronouns trip up some.  We get blamed for so much that they do. Why would people who turned a country known for making the others jealous into a pale imitation of Euro-weenie cash confiscation want to collectivize guilt?  It’s a mystery. Consequences are unfair to those who can’t do things properly.

Noticing effects is causing trouble.  Why would everyone be so frowny for nearly seven years?  Massive contempt for the rest of humanity just happened to come into vogue under a president who demonizes opponents as Iran-loving destitute-kickers. Point out his policies aid the true Great Satan while making work as scarce as dignity, and you’ll be branded a Founding Father-fetishizing pervert. This was always a country of 50 welfare states, so strop trying to rewrite history.

Coincidences doom those whose ineptitude places them at their mercy.  The president’s going to do something about all these crabby citizens who are raging during his reign for no reason. It’s just like how he’s on the case of the missing jobs and respect for America. His schedule is quite full despite outward appearances.

Why would there happen to be so much tension during this presidency?  For mysterious reasons, we’ll  remember 2015 as the year with rallies calling for dead cops and an actual debate on which lives matter. That’s a novel approach to equality. Occupy’s heritage is as nihilistic as imagined.  They didn’t exactly generate original thoughts for all the time they spent loafing.

Unpleasant radicals have to caricature dissenters as being similarly extreme. It may be subconscious compensation or an outright fib for the sake of lamely trying to portray the other party as even more deranged. Either way, calling those who want to retain their earnings villainous can’t conceal their own screw-ups.  There’s nothing more reasonable than claiming foes are anti-road paving.

Kindhearted statists have decided out of convenience that everyone interested in retaining the right to make decisions is looking to remake Mad Max as a documentary, without that charming Tom Hardy.  Liberty means recognizing the government has a very finite quantity of tasks, not to mention we can still hate the mechanism as it semi-competently completes them.  A sneer will be secretly appreciated by any half-decent congressman.

If you can’t do good, pimp the idea that doing bad is the only option. That’s why the Democrats who want the power of the White House portray those who claim profit is possible as traitors.  Note who musters enmity toward those voting for less debt, not those who want to turn the nation into rubble. The real terrorists want a budget.  Forgive those who remove heads from necks, as they were probably driven to insanity by capitalistic jingoism.  Thus, while America is at war with Islamists, the incumbent president naturally condemns Christians. Explain to them that it’s possible gun control won’t stop crime if you’d like to be outcast like a criminal.

Radical change follows putting radicals in charge.  At least something they predicted came true.  The debate over whether they dragged us down purposefully out of resentment for Yankee cowboy Cloyd Rivers hold-my-beer-and-watch-this America arrogance or just because they’re lousy putzes will continue.  But there’s no need to argue about precisely how much they’ve mucked up things, as the unequivocal answer is a whole bunch.  I’m sure this lunatic party’s adherence to hideous ideas that’s been destroying lives for over a century isn’t a bad sign, aside from how aspiring followup acts are debating whether people being allowed to trade for goods and services is bad.

With the urge to rage and only themselves to blame, it’s no wonder those in semi-charge are self-loathing.  Treating everything as a problem is almost as depressing as proclaiming the government is the solution.  You don’t understand how Washington works, claim those who don’t understand how the world works.  Fleeing financial oppression offers evidence that poverty as policy still feels strange.  Or perhaps the next few muggings will convince you to carry more cash.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at Download a free ebook of his 2014 columns at

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