Bipartisan Badness

Trump point

Both parties suck it.  Can we at least agree on that?  Bad ideas are bipartisan.  Voters hopefully think one side has slightly fewer of them.  The divide results from one side heartily embracing the all-time classically stupid idea that government works.  At least one faction should oppose buying extended warranties.  The opposition half-assedly giving in to the other side’s horrid concepts is not the way to bring together Americans.  Let the dim ones think they got good value out of the sealant packages the car salesmen push on them, as some ideas aren’t universal for good reason.

The particular dope in a suit pushing a crummy concept is irrelevant, as party changes nothing.  Or, at least it shouldn’t.  Join a political group because it at least marginally promotes your beliefs.  If the worthless organization violates them, curse until they change or leave them abandoned on the shoulder like a Dodge.  Parties should obey you, not the other way around.  Like leaving the methadone patient who needs to borrow another 10 dollars for supplies, you’ll be better on your own.  Align with those similarly alienated.  It’s nice to finally enjoy togetherness.

Put a nice wrapper on a Hershey’s bar, and it’ll still taste like a candle.  It’s not magically acceptable when someone from your party endorses ridiculous programs favored on the aisle’s other side.  A diluted version is even less appealing due to lack of commitment. Voters always back the candidate who’s more determined to waste money if the other option promises to fritter only half as much.

The Party of Reagan trying to spur the economy with your money isn’t an improvement.  Among other projectiles, the claim that Bush did it has often been hurled at Republicans opposed to ludicrous spending incessantly during this particularly spendthrift era.  Many felt the urge to reflexively defend George Junior, especially considering the shoddy quality of his critics.  But a party is supposed to be a loose conglomeration of people who share a political philosophy.  Instead, some people think they must defend it even when it’s acting indefensibly.  Cheering for a sports team just because it’s based in the same area code leads to bad habits.  Condemn questionable personnel moves.

Many Republicans have changed their status to “It’s complicated” due to their partner’s infuriated dalliances with the worst sort of statist, namely a bully who can’t win a fight.  Unconvincing faker Donald Trump doesn’t make thuggish conduct better because he’s pretending to be a Republican out of convenience at present. In fact, his lame threats are even more alarming coming from a phony oaf purportedly representing a party whose first president said “With malice toward none.”

At least there’s finally a benefit out of a vulgar faux titan running off his mouth without effect: it’ll be much easier to disavow any party that sticks with him.  The GOP is daring you to break up with them, so take how they prefer consuming marijuana to attending job interviews as a sign.  Let the casual manner in which he changes affiliation as easily as he shutters businesses offer a reminder that parties are only useful as long as they sell your product.  We’re not stuck with political families, especially one with a loutish stepfather whom we wish drank so there’d at least be an excuse.  Feel free to eat Christmas brunch in another house.

Like so many ancient notions such as buying your own items and earning raises, it’s now portrayed as quaint that each side is supposed to advocate particular ideals.  Partisans have lost touch with the notion that the party is supposed to answer to them.  They just want to get a thug in their corner.  But pushing around the other side feels unfulfilling for a reason.  Push bureaucracy out of the way instead.  It’s inherently leftists to use whichever team you’ve joined to exert power over anyone foolish enough to wear different insignia.  As usual, people who just want to be left alone may not get a real choice.

Things suck, so try the reverse.  It should be easy to make the case for conservatism when big government has been helpfully knocking the wind out of anyone still breathing.  Instead, many have regrettably turned to lunacy.  The Obama presidency has beaten down residents so much that some only dream of lashing out.  You’ll never get adopted from the shelter that way.  There would be no worse tragedy than turning to a goon with a different lapel pin instead of pointing out an alternative to abuse.

A disturbing number of primary voters merely want to inflict as much pain as they’ve received, which psychiatrists agree is the healthiest approach to life.  Power is most usefully applied to get government to stop bothering you instead of to bother everyone but you. Republicans with revenge fantasies don’t turn on anyone else.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at Download a free ebook of his 2015 columns at


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