Aw, Forget It

Remembering nothing may seem like the key to happiness, but only until the brain loses track of whether green or red means go.  The disadvantage to having the entirety of knowledge accessible through a gizmo in one’s pocket is that the brain may relax too much.  Remembering phone numbers is for people from ancient times with rotaries.

It’s hard to maintain some sense of history when the present is so comfortable, what with the luminous screens displaying tempting game apps.  But the modern man should keep memory slots open.  Except as a warning against thinking technical innovations make happy people, these times aren’t interesting enough to ignore all previous ones.  For one, not every previous generation was fatuous enough to think taxing success would create more of it.

We shouldn’t have to explain more than once why the most calculating couple in humanity’s history is untrustworthy.  Remember just enough to tell the Clintons to get lost, as that shouldn’t tax many neurons. It was only a few presidents ago when the present Democratic sort-of frontrunner was defending her spouse breaking the law by using her as a doormat.  Now, the ever-ballooning Lothario stands up for the inhuman conniver in what’s not the best example of gender equality.

Get with the times.  It’s tough discussing politics with those who somehow aren’t aware what sleazes the Clintons were in the early ‘90s.  Clint Eastwood was already a delightfully cranky old man by then, so it wasn’t that long ago.  The Spin Doctors of politics should be banished for sounding hopelessly dated.  A fad from just over two decades ago was obviously embarrassing, which is why it’s frustrating to have to explain they may just be a tad corrupt.  In fact, there has never been anyone less interested in the public than the impossibly loveless partnership. And you said they had nothing in common.

Junky Clintons who will do anything satiate their lust are surprisingly predictable.  Once agin, they strive to enrich themselves while getting loaded off power in what’s actually the perfect embodiment of their self-righteous politics.  Of course, they’ll sell any stance if you don’t like one they have, so never let it be said this supremely charming duo won’t compromise. The problem is everyone should know by now.

Ironic selfishness is familiar even if it didn’t happen to us.  Try explaining to an Elizabeth Warren or Bernie Sanders fan that their economic beliefs were discredited between the world wars if you’d like to be accused of working with corporations to starve the poor for profit.  The policies pursued by those we fought against in various world wars were actually covers for imperialism in order to steal the people’s resources, you see.  We could try handing out money just in case that novel strategy hasn’t been attempted yet. The best thing about being oblivious to results of past experiments is how wise you feel.  Ignore the track record to avoid feeling humble.

The supreme arrogance behind not noticing what happened leads to supreme incompetence.  For heaven’s sake, people have already forgotten about September 11.  Take a depressing survey on a college quadrangle to hear a vague charge about Bush blowing up a building, or something. All the information ever is available to people with zero interest in absorbing it.

It’s hard to start when the initial option is everything.  Filtering what’s worthwhile is like finding something on Amazon by searching “item.” That’s why youths ignore all of it but cheesy graphics annotated with Vox’s take on truth posted by their shrillest Facebook friends.

History is often seen as, well, a historical pursuit.  Who wants to learn what old white rich men thought about people being free?  It’s possible to learn what came before.  But too many are forgetting how people went through this in the past.

Yet some blessedly persist in learning what to remember.  Patriots with bookshelves full of non-Doctor Phil titles know the good guys won the Revolutionary War and why people sick of being told of how their money should be wasted speak fondly of Grover Cleveland.  Best of all, anyone who cares about more than the last 10 minutes can catch up easily.  Learning about the precedent for not allowing stupid government ruin our days is especially appealing to those sick of updates from the decathlete from four decades ago who thinks he’s a chick.

Forget the past: a frightening number of eligible voters don’t seem to remember what’s happening right this second.  Why fret about taxpayers funding infant slaughterhouses or ISIS getting to those fortunate enough to be born?  This White House prefers we not learn that people could make decisions and income.  Their daft schemes don’t work, as ever.  Thinking they’re the best at everything means ignoring how many times similarly arrogant jerks were humbled previously.  And old-timey dummies didn’t have their own errors from which to learn.

Even if you don’t write it down, know recordings are easy to look up. Something like this probably happened before.  Read about similar moments experienced by unsmiling geezers in what looks like sepia-tinged Instagram shots and impress Barack Obama by predicting the future again.  You don’t have to tell him the outcome already happened.  He’s already confused enough about money and human nature without learning about the time curve.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at Download a free ebook of his 2014 columns at

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